Driving Me Crazy, Easier Than One Would Think

Ok, I called my headologist to finally make an appointment yesterday. I can't get in until April 1st. I was stunned. I once made an appointment with her a week out, so it's absolutely crazy to me that she's gotten this busy. Maybe she's actually good. I don't know. But what I DO know is that she pissed me off.

I left a message on her voice mail yesterday to tell her it would be awhile until I could see her, and asked her to call me back so that we could adjust my meds in the meantime. I let her know I was hypomanic, and that it was something of an emergency. I asked for a refill on my Lamictal, because I have no refills left, and I also due to Jennyquarx's recommendation asked for a prescription for Seroquel. Apparently it has fewer side effects than the Invega does, and according to her it's the best antimanic out there. And since as I said I really don't want to take Lithium, I thought I'd ask the doc to give it a try.

She never called back. She's supposed to do her call backs after 4pm. At 738 pm I gave up waiting and finally stopped carrying the phone around. I even ate dinner with the phone next to my plate. I'm pretty pissed. She should know that it's NOT good to keep a crazy person waiting, and that Bad Things could happen at any moment. And I am certifiably crazy. One time when I was severely manic I slammed my head into the refrigerator door so hard I dented it. If you can't believe that let me tell you that I also once slammed a can of sweet potatoes against my forehead so hard I also dented that. The head slamming thing? Probably a way of trying to make the buzzing in my brain stop.

Now, both of those incidents occurred when I wasn't on meds. And both of those incidents followed with the other people in the room threatening to have me committed. It probably would have been a good idea at the time because I would have been diagnosed sooner and put on the proper meds. What scares me now is that if anything of that nature happens again...well...I have a child now, and who would take care of her if I was locked away?

I'm hoping the meds I am on are enough to keep me from tipping all the way into the crazies, but I really think adjustments need to be made. The doctor needs to call back. Today. Or I'll keep leaving messages until I drive her nuts.