Sunday, March 26, 2006

Serenity when?

Abdul Rahman could die because of his beliefs. He believes SO strongly in his faith in Christ that he's ready to die for it. So I've been sitting here watching the news each day wondering if there's anything I believe that strongly.

I haven't come up with a thing.

I feel sad about that. In my mind I feel completely secure in my opinions that the universe is random, that we evolved from apes, that everyone is entitled to personal freedom, that animals need our stewardship and care, but I don't know that if anyone held a gun to my head and told me to renounce my beliefs that I'd be willing to let them pull the trigger.

To quote a famous poster: I Want to Believe.

My mother would die for her beliefs. I know that as well as I know that my husband believes in nothing. My mother is dead certain that her faith will be rewarded, and that she is on the Right Path. Rich cannot believe in anything that can't be proven. So I muddle through life, HOPING that there's something bigger than all of us, having a tiny glimmer of certainty that I know sort of what it might be, but always feeling doubt.

I wish for the serenity that my mother has. I wish for the ability to "let go and let God." I wonder if this child that is coming will change my mind.

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