Sunday, August 31, 2008

Our New Car Adventure

Yesterday was AWFUL.

Our car finally came into the dealership and we went to go pick it up, Livvie in tow. We should have begged my best friend to watch her. She was an angel at first, a very ACTIVE and running around kind of angel, but an angel nonetheless. Well, the genius salesman offered to let us take Livvie into the kids' play area, which was basically a closet for 5&6 year olds. We took her back there while we waited, and finally the finance guy came and got me. Rich stayed with Livvie.

The paperwork was fucked up, because they owed us $410 since the car was delivered without a stereo. The salesman had never put in a check request for that, so I had to wait in the office while they went to get that accomplished. When they came back the finance guy tried to talk me into re-financing with their company. Um, no. We went with our credit union on purpose. So I signed a whole bunch of paperwork and then he gave me the 30 day tag and told me to wait for the salesman to put it on. I went to let Rich and Livvie know that it was time to go.

Livvie threw a FIT. She had crayons in her hand and would not let go of them, screaming like a banshee and kicking. In retrospect we should have simply stolen the crayons, but that didn't occur to us at the time. So we pried the crayons out of her hand (this kid is STRONG) and Rich carried her out to the car, kicking and screaming the whole way. I waited for the salesman.

When he came to put the tag on the car we discovered that when the car was made they neglected to put screw holes in for the license plate. Lovely. So while Livvie was still screaming in our car the salesman had to take the new car to the garage and have the plate installed. I went back to our car to wait, and Livvie was a nightmare. I gave her her bottle. No. I gave her a triscuit, NO. So she continued to cry and carry on until finally the salesman brought the new car back and it was truly time to go.

Rich drove the new car home and I followed him in the Es-cah-pay. Livvie was fine. She calmed down, and even ate her triscuit. So we got home and I put her to bed for a nap, because by this time it was 3pm and she was overtired. No Go. She cried for 30 min before I gave up and got her out. I said screw it, and decided to just put her to bed at 6. At 530 she was acting tired, and when I asked her if she wanted to go to bed she put her arms up so that's where I put her. She fell asleep quickly, woke up whining for half a second at 639, and then went right back to sleep again.

So yesterday sucked. I was so stressed out I was shaking by the time we got home, and I had a splitting headache. Thank goodness it all ended early. And now we're the proud (HA!) owners of a cute little Yaris.

Have a great Sunday everyone.

Saturday, August 30, 2008


Of this past week.

1.) Encountered poisonous snake and almost moved it because it was pretty.

2.) Did not in fact get our new car. It's been over a month.

3.) Dealt with Livvie not napping or napping very late in the day.

4.) Yard flooded.

5.) Cat house flooded. Their air conditioner went out. Luckily it went back on when we replaced the extension cord.

6.) Attacked by cicada in own bathroom.

7.) Cleaned litter boxes by dumping them and starting over. That was fun.

8.) Dealt with flies in the shed. Talking about 100 of them. Either something died in the shed or the cats killed something in their house. Lovely.

9.) Emma peed in the kitchen overnight again.

10.) The week ended. Thank God.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Friday, August 29, 2008

What I Need

Every day I need some silence. EVERY DAY. I try to get up in the morning before everyone else does, and on those mornings I succeed I enjoy myself immensely. I sit in the dark with my coffee and my internet, entering drivel into my journal, and relishing the quiet.

On days when Livvie either doesn't nap or naps very late I practically lose my mind. Even if she's being good, it's still an awful lot of noise to take for several hours a day, and I need some time. Some time for me, with no TV, no noise, just blessed silence.

This morning I got up at 635 and Rich got up at 7. I had 25 minutes to myself. Can you imagine if that was the only time you had to yourself all day? This is why it's important that Livvie takes a nap each day. Unfortunately today I'm screwed, because even though she's asleep, Rich is home and so I don't have time to myself. Twenty five minutes today is all I will have.

Granted, at night Rich spends a lot of time in his office dicking around on his computer or working, but it's not the same as being alone. Alone time is necessary to recharge. It truly is. I loved living by myself simply because of this. That's not to say I don't love being married, because I do. But dammit, give me some time.

I'm in luck. Rich is outside now doing something, so for now I have the house to myself. I'm going to enjoy every second of it. Because it will end all too soon.

Have a great Friday. Catch you tomorrow.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Notice it says "Chik'n"

This is what my daughter subsists on. "Chik'n" nuggets. She's a vegetarian, for some reason, and will very rarely touch meat. I don't know why or how this happened, but thank god she'll eat them because they do have soy protein in them. She'll also eat peanut butter, sweet potatoes with carrots, mango, pineapple, and banana-orange.

That's about all she lives on. Oh, I forgot cheerios and triscuits.

I tried to be a vegetarian when I was in my early 20s, 21 or so. My downfall was bacon. Bacon is like life itself, only it smells better.

Both of my roommates were vegetarians, and I did end up eating that diet quite a bit, unless I went out to eat. It wasn't that meat wasn't allowed in the house, I just preferred not to subject them to it. Except one Thanksgiving when I was hosting dinner for my mom, aunt, and dad's mother. I got up early, took the turkey out of the fridge, removed the neck and giblets, stuffed my hand into the cavity, and knocked on one of my roommate's door. She opened the door and I proceeded to dance the turkey around in front of her face. She screamed and slammed the door closed.

There are things I will not eat meat wise. I will not eat veal. I will not eat lobster because they mate for life. Same with duck and goose. I just can't bring myself to eat something that's in a bonded pair.

I do eat deer meat, and I've had buffalo. To my knowledge these animals are sort of loose in their sexual habits, so I don't feel as bad. 

I've considered becoming a pescatarian but there's the whole bacon thing to consider. I don't even eat bacon that often, but the fact that it's there for me is somewhat comforting.

Have a great Thursday!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

The Deluge

So the remnants of Tropical Storm Fay started hitting us yesterday. It started out calmly enough, a bit of rain here, stop, a bit of rain there. In the evening we had a bit of a downpour, but it stopped fairly quickly and it went back to simply annoying spitting.

This morning there was no rain at first. The ground was still wet from yesterday, but it was dark and ominous outside. In fact, it was so dark that both Livvie and I slept until 730. Normal for her, unheard of for me.

At about 9am the skies opened up. And when I say that I mean a virtual monsoon started. It was insane. The yard was fine at first; the water was being soaked up by the ground, which is a Good Thing. Fairly quickly though the yard became saturated and our drainage ditch could no longer keep up. The yard started to flood.

Then the gravel driveway began to flood, and when it did it formed a literal river that was rushing toward the backyard. I actually saw water breaking over the gravel like miniature white water areas. Tiny insects could have surfed in it. Rich came and got me to point out the back yard. The river had formed back there too, a foot deep, and Livvie's old baby pool from when she was tiny had floated all of the way to the back of the yard on the currents.

This is supposed to continue all day today and through tomorrow. Our shed will flood. The house that the cats live in will flood and they'll have to go up onto their shelves to get away from the water. God forbid that their litter boxes flood. 

So today will be spent indoors. I was going to take Livvie out to play in the rain, but not in something like this. This is insane.

Have a great Wednesday everyone.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Post #2: JFC

That's right. JFC.

I just sat down on the toilet and a cicada fell off my leg. This time I DID scream. Actually, it was more like a yell. A blood curdling yell if that's possible.

Imagine if you will a grown woman running around the bathroom with her pants halfway down, trying to avoid the flying and flapping insect that was 3 inches long.

Imagine her running out the bathroom door, slamming it shut, pulling up her pants and buttoning them. All the while yelling.

Imagine her grabbing a plastic drinking cup and a Tupperware lid. Creeping back into the bathroom to find the hideous creature on the floor. Slamming the cup down over the creature and then sliding the lid under it.

Now imagine her carrying said cup as gingerly as possible out the kitchen door, extending her arms as far as they would go, and releasing the lid and shaking out the cup while running backwards.

Imagine how her throat hurts now.

More adventures with wildlife...

As I was leaving the house this morning to walk Emma one of these <--- landed on my foot. Be proud of me, for I did not in fact scream. I was so tired that I merely shook him off my foot onto the deck where he remained for about half an hour. Yes, he's disgusting. Yes, cicadas are annoying when they buzz. But I thought I handled myself pretty well given that I HATE BUGS.

By the way, that photo is life sized.

Do you know cicadas? They shed their shells from their baby stage and leave them lying around just about everywhere, usually attached to something. Those shells even have legs. When I was a kid we would find those shells and nefariously attach them to the back of someone else's clothing. It was pretty fucking funny. Of course, I've "grown up" since then, and now I wouldn't even consider picking one of those nasty things up.

This year the cicadas have been a bit quieter than normal, probably due to the fact that the summer has been relatively cool. Usually they're at their loudest when the next day is going to be blazing hot. I'm pretty sure that no one knows why that occurs. Anyway, this one was the first adult one I've seen this year, and for that I'm glad. Usually they end up lying on the deck upside down as they die for some reason.

In other news, we still don't have our car. It was supposed to be delivered on the 12th, got pushed back to the 18th, then to the 21st, and when it didn't arrive then they said it would be 4-5 more days. Well, today is the 5th day, and we haven't heard a thing. Rich is going to call Carfuck today to ask him what's going on. The hold up was that apparently no stereos are installed in Japan, and when the car got to Florida the stereo was on backorder. Rich told Carfuck that we'd take the car without the damn stereo, and that we'd install one ourselves. We managed to find a 2008 Yaris stereo on eBay for $100 including shipping, so we bought that. Rich plans to install it himself. That should be a hoot.

GIven that the car is bare bones without even a rear windshield wiper, I don't think Rich should have to live without a stereo. Apparently that added $399 to the cost of the car, and since we already have the check cut from the bank we're going to need the dealership to refund us the $399. That should be a hoot as well. Rich is going to tell them to cut that check before we even go to pick up the car so we won't have to wait around at the dealership for that to happen. They'd better damn well do it.

Have a great Tuesday everyone. I'm going to try to avoid the local fauna today.

Monday, August 25, 2008

I feel...

Somewhat invincible today.

I woke up this morning in a very good mood, which is rare. It was helped along by the fact that I had about a half hour to myself before Rich and Livvie got up. Sitting in the quiet in the dark is very therapeutic.

So I decided to do what any self respecting invincible person would do. I decided to color my hair.

Well. I chose medium reddish blonde. Now, you have to understand that my hair is dark auburn for real, with some highlights that I've thrown in. My roots were literally 2 inches long though, so they had to go. No biggie. I bought the hair color, brought it home, and applied it to my head.

I watched it in the mirror. I knew that it wasn't going to BE reddish blonde, but I was hoping for a bit of a lightening. Well, yeah. It was starting to lighten alright. It kept getting lighter and lighter until I started to get scared. So I did what else any self respecting invincible person would do. I rinsed it 2 minutes early in a panic.

Wet it looked like a carrot. It truly did. I was starting to freak out, but Rich convinced me to wait until it dried before getting too upset. Normally my hair dries quickly. In fact, it drives the hair dresser nuts because she has to keep spraying it down when she cuts it. This time, not so much. It stayed wet for over an hour. By then I was ready to chew my nails off and go get brown hair dye. 

Once it was dry I was surprised. It's actually not bad. It's a lighter auburn color than I had, the highlights are still there only now they're gold instead of blonde, and I actually look ok.

I AM invincible.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Ab Fab

Yesterday I had an absolutely wonderful experience. I was bringing Ginny back from the backyard, walking through the path on the side of the house, when I noticed this guy <----- about 3 inches from my right ankle.

He didn't strike, and I wasn't even sure if he was alive. I stupidly moved my ankle closer to him to see what would happen and he moved his head a fraction. So I went back into the house and got my camera.

When I got back outside he was in the same position I left him in. He looked remarkably thin, and I would guess he hadn't eaten for some time. I snapped a couple of photos and went to get Rich. When I took Rich out to him Rich insisted he must be dead because he wasn't moving, not even an inch. So I did what any self respecting fan of Steve Irwin would do. I poked him with a stick. He didn't move. I poked him again. Nothing. I poked him a third time, and he stuck his tongue out at me, which in snake probably means "knock it the fuck off."

So we watched his laid back self for a few moments, wondering where he had come from. He looked like no snake we had ever seen before. Well, that's not exactly true. To me he looked like a constrictor, like someone's pet that had escaped and wandered into our yard for some reason. 

So I left him and went inside and looked up snakes of North Carolina photos. He wasn't any of them. This leads me to believe he doesn't belong here at all. I felt like calling someone to come and get him, but who would you call? Animal control out here in the county would simply destroy him. I couldn't take him to the SPCA where I worked, because they only accept animals from the city limits, and besides, Rich wouldn't let me pick him up.

Anyway, a friend of mine decided to name him Vindaloo, which seems like a perfectly acceptable name for a snake. He needed a name anyway, as during the hour I got to know him I considered him my friend.

I WAS worried that he would die overnight, as he didn't seem to want to move at all, and as I said, he didn't appear to have eaten recently. He was quite thin. This morning I went out to see if he was there, and Vindaloo was gone. I'm sorry about that. I was hoping to see him again, because he truly was beautiful. And this time, without Rich around, I would have picked him up, moved him to a less high traffic area, and said goodbye.

Have a great Saturday everyone.

PS... I wouldn't have picked him up with my hands. There was a forked stick nearby. Probably not a good idea anyway given that he's been identified as a copperhead.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Fall is (technically) Coming

I saw the first Monarch Butterfly today. I always rejoice when I see them because it means that summer is drawing to a close. While I love parts of summer: gardening, Livvie playing in the pool... fall is my favorite season.

When I was a kid I waited every year for the smell of mouldering leaves. Every October I would be ecstatic, because Halloween was coming. It wasn't about the candy. It was about the smell in the air and the crispness and the apples about to become a pie.

Since I've moved to NC I've lost a great deal of that. The air here doesn't begin to cool down until about mid-October, and the leaves don't really start falling until then either. Fall here is quick, it lasts about a month, before the wetness and dreariness of winter arrives. It's the only thing I don't like about living here.

In a month or so I will start pruning my plants back and mulching them for the winter. I will start laying in supplies of apples and oatmeal to make apple crisp (I usually don't buy apples out of season). I'll buy more molasses to make spice cookies. I'll be putting out corn for the deer. And for now, I'll be watching for more monarchs to make my day complete.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Hello Officer

I've never once had a speeding ticket in the 20 years that I've been driving. Never. And I've only gotten stopped for speeding twice. The first time I got stopped the officer let me go, telling me to be careful on the twisty roads around the lake. The second time I got stopped I told the officer that I thought the limit was 45. He informed me that it used to be, but they had knocked it down to 25 recently, so he let me go. 

I managed to get stopped for having an expired registration once, and I got out of that one too because I told the officer that I was already paying a $200 fine to get the registration renewed. He didn't want to add to my financial burden, so he let me go.

Now, all of this happened while I was still young. I don't know if things would be any different now that I'm old and have a kid. In fact, I'm pretty damn sure that if I got caught speeding with a kid in the car I'd have a ticket in my face faster than you can blink.

Anyway, the point of all of this is, truly, why are there never cops around when you need one? On our road we have the only passing lane on the entire 13 mile street RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR HOUSE. And pass they do. Quite often someone will be doing the speed limit of 45, and some jackass will zip past them doing 60 or more. It's insane. I just don't understand why 45 isn't fast enough. It's dangerous too. Livvie will never be allowed to play in our front yard because of this. If the cops sat in our driveway for a few days they could make their quota quite easily. And frankly, I want them to.

I am halfway tempted to call up the sheriff's department and ask them to come and sit in our driveway. This shit pisses me off royally. And it isn't just the passers. I'll be sitting waiting to turn into my driveway and someone will come up behind me so fast that I KNOW I'm about to get hit. Luckily I haven't been, but I was in the car one time when BFF got hit trying to make the left into my driveway. That wasn't due to speeding though, and the accident wasn't that bad.

So what would you do? Would you call and have them come sit out here? Or do you think that using our hidden driveway is an unfair "advantage..."

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Old Friends

So yesterday I joined Facebook and reconnected with about 6 friends of mine from high school. Including an old boyfriend that I dated for 4 years. It's been awesome. I'm finding out about their lives (ex-BF has 2 kids and is married), and I'm getting to tell them about how boring my life is.

The odd thing to me is that from my class of '89 there are no girls that I was friends with. Granted, most of my girlfriends were in the class of '88, but they're nowhere to be found either. It kind of sucks. I'm talking about Stacey and Barb, 2 of my best friends ever.

Stacey was hysterical. She used to make me laugh so hard I'd get sick to my stomach. Barb used to call me Julie Bully (after Wooly Bully). We used to go to ChiChi's for the dollar drafts and the all you can eat hot wings, and that was an absolute blast. I drank a LOT of beer. Ate a LOT of wings too. Imagine that.

When I left NJ to move down here to NC I lost touch with both of them and I don't know why. I wrote to them a few times but the replies kept getting fewer and farther between. I was heartbroken. I really do miss them so much.

One good thing that came out of all of this is that I reconnected with my friend Dan. Dan also used to make me laugh so hard I would almost barf. He's just as funny as he ever was, and I really need that in my life right now. Things are just so stressful that I need some relief.

Anyway, if you want a trip down memory lane, join Facebook. You probably won't be disappointed.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Too Bad

Well, I had a headologist appointment today at 230, which I canceled yesterday because I have no vehicle. That's right, we still don't have our car. It was due to arrive on the 12th, got pushed back to the 18th, and now is pushed back to the 21st. Rock on.

The suckass part of all of this is that they never intended to let us know. We've had to call them ourselves for any information.

So, the good thing is that the last time I was there she wrote a scrip for me for two of my drugs, which has been sitting in my wallet ever since. Today after Rich gets home I have to drive the scrip up to the pharmacy and then go pick it up tomorrow. I only need one of them currently, so they can keep the other one on file.

Frankly, I'm not too sussed about not going today. Personally, I can't afford it. My visits are now up to $100 for a 15 min appointment, and that just plain sucks. I don't know what I'm going to do about that. I think I'll have to inform her that I can no longer do every 2-3 months, and that we'll have to switch to 6 months. I just don't have the funds.

I'm sure she can write scrips for 6 months. I don't know why she wouldn't be able to. I feel as well like I'm wasting my time there. She asks me how I'm doing, I say fine, and then she hands me a new scrip. 15 min. $100. It's insane.

I AM a tiny bit manic lately, but nothing too bad. It's due to lack of sleep I'm sure, because while I'm sleeping better, I certainly am not sleeping enough. I'm waking up at 5am for good after a night of tossing and turning (and apparently snoring last night. Rich made me wake up and roll over). I have the urge to spend a lot of money, but I'm controlling myself with the help of the 35 mg of Abilify. I had to stop taking the emergency Seroquel because my eyes were bugging out and crossing, and that was the only change in my life. Since I've stopped, they've stopped. So I guess no more Seroquel for me.

I'm so tired lately without having my Coke Zeroes as well. This leads to me going to bed at 830-9 o clock, and while I eventually get to sleep, sometimes I just lie there until 10. Yesterday I drank a cup of coffee at 2pm, which was a bad idea, because I think I was up until 11 last night. This isn't good for me at all.

I'm supposed to be on 300 mg of Lamictal, but I only take 200 mg in order to stretch my pills and save money. It seems to work, there hasn't even been any low level depression, so I don't know why she upped me to 300 in the first place.

I AM taking clonazepam every night in order to get to sleep, and it works. I just wish it would keep me asleep.

Have I mentioned that being BiPolar sucks? It really does.

Have a great Tuesday everyone.

Monday, August 18, 2008

This post

has been deleted so as not to hurt anyone's feelings.

move along.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Calling all moms:

This is going to be about discipline. I'm on a forum for moms, and one of the hot topics right now is how to discipline your toddler. Well. We're lucky in that Livvie rarely throws tantrums anymore just for the sake of throwing tantrums. However, she DOES do things she's not supposed to, as all kids do. Here's my way of dealing with it:

I tell her no.

She stamps her foot and hollers, "DAT!!!"

I tell her I don't care.

She sometimes does it again. "DAT!!!" If this happens I tell her I don't care again. She'll either give up or throw a screaming fit. If she throws a screaming fit I ignore it. If she throws something at me she goes into time out. Usually if I ignore her she stops within a few moments, but sometimes if she's tired it escalates and I end up sticking her in her crib for a nap.

Now, I do have to admit she's gotten a couple of light spankings when she's flat out defied me and did something dangerous. And she got a good swat on the hand one time when she wouldn't stop turning the knobs on the stove. These were more about my fear than about discipline, and I know that. I can count on 3 fingers the times I've used corporal punishment on her, so I'm assuming that's not bad. I'll trust you to tell me.

So, how do YOU, or I should say DID you discipline when your kids were toddlers? And did it work? Or did you just end up more frustrated?

Friday, August 15, 2008

Bummer, Man...

Mom just left. I always miss her even more after she's been down here and she leaves. 

While she was here we:

Went to the grocery store where she spent $79 on us.

Went to Target where she spent $96 on us.

Watched Golden Girls.

Watched Turner Classic Movies. I got to see Greer Garson and Gregory Peck. That was fun.

Watched a whole lot of Law and Order, SVU.

Watched Cash Cab (are you sensing a trend?)

Played with Livvie.

Actually ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I made her scrambled eggs yesterday.

Dealt with Livvie either not napping, or napping very late in the day and going to bed late.

I think that's it.

It's nice of her to spend so much money on us but not necessary. However, a bunch of stuff she bought at Target was for Livvie's birthday, so I guess that's acceptable. She bought the groceries because she wanted to take us out to dinner, and neither Rich nor I really felt like going out to dinner this week.

Livvie is already looking for her. She recognized her when she got here, which was awesome. She was good with my mom. She didn't let her hold her, but then she barely lets me hold her anymore either. However, Rich and I were out smoking one day and Livvie clocked her head BAD, and she let my mom pick her up to comfort her. That's a Big Deal.

Sorry I've been missing all week. I'll try to do better now that I'm alone again.

Have a great Friday everyone.

Monday, August 11, 2008

I'm a girl, so sue me

So this morning I heard this buzzing sound coming from the direction of our case of water on the deck. I paid it no mind, and went back in the house. A couple of hours went by, and I went outside again. This time I happened to spy the water bottles out of the corner of my eye and noticed one of them was brown.

I walked over and saw one of the biggest bugs I have ever seen, stuck inside the plastic case, attached to one of the bottle necks. I couldn't help it, I screamed. He was at least 2 1/2 inches long, and he had enormous antennae. He was disgusting. He almost looked like one of our giant roaches, but he wasn't one. I have no idea what he was.

So I morbidly watched him struggle for a few minutes, hoping he would get out without my assistance. He didn't. So I crept over to the case of water, leaned over gingerly, and ripped the plastic away as fast as I could. I screamed when I did that as well.

I ran into the house as fast as I could.

About 30 min later I went back outside, peering around the door to get a look at the case. He was gone.

Rich was out running errands during all of this or I would have unashamedly made him do all of this. I could have waited for him to get home, and I should have waited for him to get home, but I would have been embarrassed. It was bad enough that I made him capture a giant bug in the kitchen the other day, calling him in from outside to do so.

I hate bugs.

Sunday, August 10, 2008


My parents got married in 1961, and they had me in 1971. No, mom wasn't a career gal, although she had a career, it was just that they couldn't get pregnant.

My mom was diagnosed with severe endometriosis. It was terrible. She had to go in for surgery and when they opened her up they ended up having to scrape practically every organ in her abdomen. They also at one point ended up removing all of one ovary and part of the second one. They then put her on extremely high does of birth control pills, you know the ones from the 60s? More on that later. Anyway, they wanted to give her body a rest. This was 1966, and they told her that if all worked well she'd be pregnant in 5 years.

5 years. Can you imagine wanting nothing more than to be a mother and being told that total it would take 10 years for that to happen?

Anyway, She ended up pregnant in 1970. Yep, with only part of an ovary left she got knocked up. My mom turned 40, and a few months after that she had me. I was a scheduled C-Section, because I was 2 weeks late. My dad had a bowling tournament that night, and they made sure to schedule it for after he was done. I was born at 1002 pm on Wednesday, May 19th. 2 years after I was born she required a total hysterectomy, and therefore I'm an only child. Given that my mom had originally wanted 6 kids, this broke her heart. In retrospect, I shouldn't even be here.

Mom was a bit leery about being an older mother, but apparently until I became a teenager I was a very good kid. I by no means never got into trouble, but it was simple things, and I wasn't horrible. When my mother had me she quit her job of the past 22 years and stayed home with me until I went to first grade. She got a part time job working in a school system on the lunch program. Although she eventually became a secretary there, she's still working there, 31 years later. She's now 77.

About those birth control pills? Well when my mom was 52 and I was 12 she was diagnosed with breast cancer, due to the massive amounts of hormones she had been given in order to get pregnant. She informed the doctors that she had no time for cancer, as she had a young daughter and a mother to take care of. So she beat it. She had a mastectomy, no chemo, no radiation. Just informed her body that the cancer had to leave. And it did.

She's been cancer free ever since.

So in honor of my mom coming down to visit tomorrow I wanted to share some of her with you. I know that most of what happened was because she has very strong faith. VERY strong. The kind I always wanted but was never able to develop. She's a very tough woman. I can only hope and wish that someday I'll be as strong. 

Friday, August 08, 2008

My Belle

Livvie is finally sitting and watching Beauty and the Beast. I'm inordinately happy about this. Yes, Belle becomes a princess at the end, but for most of the movie she's an odd little bookworm who finds herself in curious circumstances and handles them very well.

The princess thing. Sigh. I just don't know. The only princess I wanted to be as a kid was Princess Leia, because she could fire a blaster and kill storm troopers but she still looked great in a flowing white gown. Also her hair was able to be manipulated into fascinating braids that I could never quite master, and believe me, I tried. She also strangled Jabba the Hutt with a chain. Pretty fucking cool.

I myself don't understand the appeal of princesses to little girls, unless it's the gowns. The gowns ARE quite cool. I have to admit that when it came to prom time (and I went to 3) the gown search was always the hardest bit on me. Everything was poofy, and I tried to avoid poof as much as possible. I also tried to avoid pink. It didn't work. My first gown was pink with Cinderella poofs on the sides with bows. My mother loved it. I felt like I was in drag. My second gown was far more streamlined and was ivory with some iridescence to it. It was strapless, and fell almost straight to the floor. THAT one I loved. Mom wasn't as fond of that one. When it came time for my senior prom I decided to go all out, as ridiculous as I could, and I found an emerald green and white lace Scarlett O'Hara gown that had balloon sleeves and many tiers. It was atrocious, looking back, but it made me laugh and that's all that counts.

A few years ago Nina found a gown on eBay and ordered me to buy it. It's white and has spaghetti straps, floats like a cloud, and has white beaded butterflies on the front and one strap. It's a fairy gown, and I have absolutely nowhere to wear it. I could have worn it to get married, but it would have shown off my tattoos, and my mother would have shat herself. So, it sits in a box for Livvie for her first formal dance. I'm hoping she'll like it. By the way, I won it for $14.

A friend of mine says she has the princess gowns for Livvie when she's old enough to fit into them. You know, to play dress up. I imagine this will be quite fun, as I can imagine her prancing around and ordering beheadings. Kidding. Honestly, I used to play dress up as a kid with my mom's old formals, and I would put on too big for me high heels and prance around myself. It was fun. My mom had many 194os and 50s formal dresses, and that style rocks. It's why I bought a blue dress from the 50s for my wedding. It just made me feel sassy.

So here Livvie sits watching Belle turn into Beauty and fall in love with Beast. So far she's only interested in the music. I imagine in a year I will be dressing her in a yellow gown and pulling her hair back on her neck into a ponytail. And honestly, I won't care a bit.

As long as I can get her the Batman Big Wheel too.

Thursday, August 07, 2008


Is God Medicine.

I slept last night, not all night, but I woke up far fewer times than I have been recently. I did manage to have some Buffy dreams (Spike and I got into an argument about his newly dyed black hair being stupid looking) and woke up from those feeling confused. All in all it was a good night though.

I got out of bed at 652 and Livvie woke up at 653. That sucked. I'm so used to having time to myself in the mornings, and I really enjoy it.

Last night after I took the Seroquel I passed out in my clothing, and Rich left me that way. He could have been kind enough to wake me up so I could get changed. As it is, I'm still wearing said clothing, because even though it's 1 o clock I still haven't showered yet and have no plans to until later today.

My mom is coming down from NJ to visit with us on Monday, so I might not be around much next week. I'll try to post when I can, but they'll probably be short posts. 

Have a great Thursday everyone!

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

This Night of No Sleep Brought to You by The Letter H and the Number 13

At least that was going through my head.

Everything I thought of had the letter H somewhere. I then started counting to 13 over and over to try to put myself to sleep. No dice.

The fact that I noticed the letter H all over the place disturbed me, but what can you do...

That's right folks, I'm still not sleeping. The night before last I woke up at 1am and never got back to sleep. last night it was 2am. This isn't good because of two things:

A) I have to force myself to function the next morning. Granted, today I got a bunch of chores done, but in order to do so I left the majority of entertaining Livvie up to Rich.

B) This can lead to psychosis. I believe we've discussed that before.

I'm currently on 35 mg of Abilify (have you SEEN those commercials? The chick is supposed to be manic and she's calmly wandering the beach. Sorry, but manic people can't calmly do anything) and I don't know if it's going to be enough. I have a headologist appointment on the 19th, and I'm hoping I can make it that long without calling her (BTW, thank Terry Pratchett for the term "headologist." And pray for him because he has early onset alzheimers).

I'm done with parentheses for now.

In reading this back over, and realizing that I bought not one but THREE Harry Potter DVDs the other day with money I don't have, I'm coming to the conclusion that I'm already manic. That would explain the day today. Dishwasher, Laundry, Fold Laundry, Empty Dishwasher, Do More Laundry, Empty the Fridge, Bathe the Dog...

And I'm only done for the day because I'm forcing myself to be done.

I should vacuum. I know I should. But I need to relax, even though it's hard. I've been trying to have 3 IM conversations today, and I'm constantly flitting away from each of them. I just have too much to do...

So as the day goes on I get more and more energy until I have so much that I can't sleep overnight. I AM very tired, but not in the sleepy kind of way. More in the way of my body wants to lie down and give up. My brain is fine. Better than fine. My brain wants me to go.

I think I might need the Seroquel. This will guarantee that I'll gain back the 10 pounds I lost and will make damn well and sure that I'll be eating ice cream every night before bed. Is that ok? Is unhealthy and level better than healthy and dangerous? I'm thinking it is. I'm thinking tonight I take the Seroquel. And on the 19th I'll ask for more.

Monday, August 04, 2008


For Livvie's birthday I have purchased a very cool toddler's Batmobile that when you shake it and put it down on the floor it zips around. It also says cool things like, "To the Batcave!!'

I told Rich about it last night and he asked me if we were ever going to get her anything for a girl.

Excuse me, but I am a girl, and if I had gotten one of these as a kid I would have thought it was the coolest thing ever.

So we got into the discussion again. I informed him that when I was a kid I not only had Barbies but I also had Star Wars people and the Millenium Falcon. I was a well rounded kid when it came to that stuff. There were no "boy toys," just toys, and I played with all of them equally.

I had Matchbox cars and these really cool cars where if you pulled the tab out of the back and set them down on the floor they would race across the room. Remember those? They were awesome.

My favorite toy from the carnival was the parachute man, the little plastic guy attached to a plastic parachute and if you tossed it up in the air it would come floating down. I really dug that one.

But, I also went through the girly horse phase and had bunches of Breyer horses. I've already started buying Breyer horses for Livvie, and so far we have Barbaro and Secretariat. I imagine she'll also go through the horse phase that almost all little girls seem to go through. I hope so at least.

A friend of mine got her the Wonder Woman and Batgirl Barbies, and I'm really excited for the day when she starts to play with those. She also has a Storm (X-Men) action figure. Strong women who kick ass.

She has baby dolls but she doesn't play with them. She simply tosses them around the room. Personally, when I was a tiny tot, I didn't have much interest in baby dolls either, I certainly didn't push them around in a baby carriage or carry them around like I was their mama. I had one that would walk if you turned it on, and that one scared the shit out of me.

So, I don't see the problem here. I really don't. Is there really an issue with the types of toys we give her? It's not like I wanted a boy or anything and am trying to turn her into one. I just remember how I was as a kid, a tomboy of sorts, and I want that for her as well.

Besides, super heroes are cool.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Post #2: WOOHOO!!!

My Lamictal went generic.

It's now known as Lamotrigine. It was easier to say Lamictal.

Regardless, It's only $20 a month instead of $40.

This rocks. Truly.

I ran out yesterday and didn't have one to take this morning so Rich stopped at the pharmacy on the way home from work and picked up my scrip. I had requested generic if they could get it, and lo and behold they did. 

It's such a small thing to get excited about, I know, but still, there it is.

Have a great Sunday!

Sunday Loneliness

Although I am spending the day with Miss Thang there on the left, I really have nothing to do and no one to talk to today. No adult conversation whatsoever. That sucks.

Nina is in SC.

BFF is in Boston.

Jmac is in Pittsburgh.

Rich is at work.

Mom is at Mass, and will be attending a show later in the day.

These are the people I talk to all day every day when I need baby breaks. And trust me, I DO need them. I love my kid, but there's only so much I can take of trying to teach her words and watching her run back and forth. 

I might even lose my mind today. Seriously. Yesterday, thank goodness, Cyn showed up online and I got some adult conversation for awhile so that helped. I also emailed for a bit with Rich while he was at work, but he was very busy, so he couldn't be expected to keep me "company."

I am occasionally uncomfortable with my own company. Probably because if I remain undistracted for too long I end up thinking too much, and thinking leads to worry, and worry leads to panic. This is why it drives me crazy when I can't sleep. I just can't shut my head off.

So I'm not sure what to do today. I wouldn't feel right sitting here reading a book and letting Livvie play by herself, but a book is what I need. I need to just fall into something and escape. A movie just won't cut it. Unless I put on ROTK, but it seems even lonelier to do that without Nina watching it on her end as well. At one point while watching ROTK via IM we had turned each movie into a drinking game, and on long afternoons (prior to my marriage) we would sit and watch and get completely hammered. I often miss those days. 

And right now I miss adults. Thank goodness Rich is off all of this coming week so I can have a distraction.

PS... If Dagny could get back online for a bit that would help as well. I mean, I know you have a life and all, but it's ME!!!

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Oh dear

So last night Rich went to the gas station to buy beer. The kid who bought the truck was behind the counter, and the night manager was there. The night manager asked Rich whatever had become of the truck, and Rich said, "I sold it to the kid." Manager said, "What kid?" Rich pointed and said, "That kid." At this point he noticed the kid making NO motions with his hands and head.

So why wouldn't he want the manager to know he had bought a truck?

We can only think of one reason, and it ain't pretty.

When he bought the truck he handed us 9 100 dollar bills and the rest was in 20s. OLD 20s. Nothing new like you get at the bank.


Now I'm freaked out that we might have accepted stolen cash for our truck, and we already paid the truck off with it.

I hope we're wrong. I really, really hope so.

Friday, August 01, 2008


The Discovery Channel cheats.

Sunday night they had a Mythbusters Shark Week special on. They replayed it Wednesday.

Tuesday night they had the Dirty Jobs shark special on.

They're replaying it tonight.

Now, come on. With 365 (or so) days to prepare since last year's Shark Week you can't come up with 2 more original shows to help fill out the week?

It's bad enough that they replay ALL of them on the Saturday of Shark Week. I mean, that's how I catch up with the ones I sleep through, but how many hours is this gonna fill now?

Oh, and the 10pm offering tonight? A Dirty Jobs shark special from a previous year.

Don't get me wrong, I love me some Mike Rowe, and hell, I won't even be up for the 10pm offering anyway. It's just the principle of the thing.

Done complaining. Will blog for real tomorrow.