Thursday, June 28, 2007

I'm tired

Tired of everything being the same all of the time. Tired of never getting to do anything I "used" to do, like reading a book.

Today I am tired of being a mom.

You know, this little nugget of an essay is awesome:

And it's all true. There's nothing like being a mom. It's the greatest joy and responsibility a person can be given. But some days it's downright exhausting. And when those days run into each other, end on end, week after week, well...

Yesterday the kid gave me a break. It's like they know when they're about to cross a line and they back off a bit. I couldn't have asked for a better child the first part of yesterday. By the second half though, we were back to the realm of nightmares. Screaming, not sleeping, inconsolable. The child that's referred to as "high need."

Well you know what? I'm high need too. I have many, many needs that aren't being met. Sleep, cleanliness, food, exercise...

I'd give anything to be able to brush my teeth without her attempting to follow me into the bathroom. Hell, I'd give anything to be able to PEE without her following me into the bathroom. Even when Rich is home she's following me around everywhere; screaming when I'm out of sight. As I type this she's standing with one hand on my knee as if she's claiming a seat.

The only way I keep myself going is to tell myself that when all is said and done, as the years pass, I'm very likely to have a wonderful, sensitive child. But right now, I'm damned tired.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Animal Farm

There's something inherently creepy about large numbers of animals gathered together. And I'm not talking about herd animals, because that's expected. I'm talking about animals that you normally see solitary, suddenly grouped together looking like they're having a conference.

At the beginning of spring Xris and I happened to look out her living room window to see literally HUNDREDS of robins gathered in her yard poking around in the dirt for bugs. I looked it up online and apparently we were privy to a very rare sighting, a leg of the robin migratory path. While it was cool, it also had a Hitchcock element to it that we could have lived without.

Before we sold the pool we had a frog problem. There were about 6 small frogs gathered on the sides of the pool, staring at us, and while that might not sound like a problem, the fact that one or all of them had laid hundreds of eggs in the pool water was in fact a large problem. The fact that my big, strong husband wouldn't catch the frogs bare handed and let me do it instead was a smaller problem, because it was at least humorous.

And this morning I got up and went outside to smoke, turned the corner of the house and found 3 rabbits in the back area where the pool was, all staring at each other, and while rabbits might not typically be thought creepy, several communing together was kind of disturbing. They eventually hopped off in different directions, and I assume it was to gather their respective pieces of the Acme Dog Destroyer. Or maybe one was calling in the order.

So I'm pretty certain we had all better look out. Even animals that normally don't "play well with others" can band together to complete a common goal, and before you tell me that rabbits are in fact social animals, let me ask you a question....

When was the last time YOU actually saw more than one wild rabbit in your yard, standing less than 3 feet apart, facing each other?

Tuesday, June 26, 2007


I'm trying to figure out why every man I have ever known has told me that they can't remember to do something unless they're reminded to do so, and yet women are categorically referred to as "naggers."

I don't know how many of you out there have had this experience, but Rich and I have had to work out a system where I need to remind him weekly that I need time to clean the litter boxes or he simply doesn't remember to offer me that time.

I also have to remind him to watch the baby to give me time to take a shower, make dinner, take out the trash, etc.

Now, I understand that it wouldn't occur to him normally to say, "Hey honey, why don't you go take a shower and I'll watch the baby," although he has done that a few times after I've reminded him throughout the day that I need a shower. And while he has only rarely snapped at me that "he knows" when I tell him something needs doing, he has never called me a nag. So I appreciate that in him.

What I don't understand is that I have polled some guys and most of them have replied that they in fact won't simply remember something unless reminded. So why are we called nags at all?

I have a feeling the answer lies with the fact that men (and all people) can have a tendency to project their feelings onto others. I might be wrong, and if so, feel free to remind me of that or I'll never remember.

Sunday, June 24, 2007


Yeah, husbands.

Last night I asked Rich if I could take a short nap. He said sure, and I went in to lie down. It took awhile to get to sleep, and I didn't sleep more than an hour. While I was in the bedroom Rich:

Cleaned the stove while holding the baby in one arm
Took the dogs out
Played with Livvie
Fed Livvie mashed bananas
Gave Livvie a bottle
Rocked Livvie to sleep
Put Livvie to bed

Now. That was alllllll awesome. I appreciated it so much.

What I want to know is why he can't do more than one of these things in a day usually. I did thank him rather than ask him that question, but honestly....

Saturday, June 23, 2007

We sold the pool!

And I've got $100 in my pocket.

The child in me wants to spend it on Angel, Seasons 2-4.

The adult in me is taking it to Home Depot to buy plants and shrubs.

Being an adult can suck, but I guess plants and shrubs are sort of unnecessary...

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Near Death Experiences

So Rich nearly died on Monday. He was pulling up to our driveway and about to make a left and a woman behind him doing at least 70, talking on her phone, never saw him until she was about to slam into him. He saw her coming and gunned all 8 cylinders, zooming forward, and she tried to pass him on the left where there was an oncoming car. She zipped back behind Rich somehow, gave him the finger, and he ended up pulling over to her in a subdivision to go up one side of her and down the other.

So now we're looking for a new house. Xris and I were hit making the left into the driveway several months ago, and two incidents in less than a year is a little more than Rich and I can handle.

And now every time I go to make a turn into the driveway I panic a bit if there's a car behind me. Awesome.

Sunday, June 10, 2007


My dogs are going to be sold for parts if they keep this up. Last night after we got the baby to sleep a thunderstorm rolled through. I used to love storms. I'd watch out the window or stand on the porch and just enjoy the show. Last night Emma, who has I-S-S-U-E-S woke the baby up by doing her Emma song, which might be impossible to translate into print, but let me try.

"Errw errw ERRRW. Errw Errw ERRRW."

I think that's as close as I'm going to get.

Anyway, the storm was coming so Emma needed to wig out, woke up the baby, and it took over an hour to get her back to sleep. Thunder still going on. Emma STILL wigging. So once the baby was asleep again, instead of watching the storm and enjoying it I had to police my dog. (Mind you, I'm lying on the sofa by this point...)

"Errw wrrw Errw." GLARE. Dog retreats.

"Errw..." Fist raised in the air. Dog retreats.

"err?" Stand up and make self imposing while leaning forward. Dog retreats.

Now I know, I KNOW so don't frigging tell me, that this is counterproductive to her storm phobia being addressed well, but if given a psychotic dog who hides under furniture during storms or a dog (also psychotic) who wakes up my baby when I haven't slept since 3am the previous night, well...

And I need to also say that I adore this dog. She's a goof, but she's MY goof, and even with her issues such as storms and going on pee strikes when the grass is too wet/long/green I love her to death. And given what Jmac is going through with her BooBoo Dante right now I need to thank everything and the maker that Emma is healthy and well.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Small Sacrifices

This morning I was driving Livvie around and we crossed over a small creek. I looked over at it and all I could think about was, "I wonder where that goes?" Then I realized that if it had been a few years ago I would have followed it. Even if it took hours. Now I can't. Even if I strapped her on me, there's no way I could do something like that alone. It made me a little sad. I realized that someday as a family we can all go hiking and camping and go for nonsensical walks, but in this day and age I can't take the chance of wandering off with my child into the woods. So sometimes I miss the days when I was unaccountable to anyone other than cats, and when if I wanted to I could risk myself for the sake of adventure. But not enough to go back.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Click click click

I have to go to the gynecologist this morning. Yep, I was SUPPOSED to go 6 weeks after Her Majesty was born, but I couldn't figure out childcare OR who I could leave her with whose soul she wouldn't attempt to consume. So I go today, and not a moment too soon. I need birthcontrol. Yep. I NEED it. I know there are scads of people who want or have more than one child, and they have my undying amazement and respect. But I'm pretty sure, as in you could pump me full of sodium pentathol and I would STILL say, that Livvie is going to be an only child.

So I showered this morning while Livvie slept, because we all know that you can't go to the doctor all skank. I mean, ew. And yes, Livvie was sleeping, because after not sleeping most of last night she decided a fine time to get all grumpy over being woken up was 7am. So there she lies, sound asleep, while I silently muse poking her repeatedly so she knows how it feels. I actually lie in the dark and contemplate how I will behave when she's a teenager. I know there will be some nights where I'll just throw open her bedroom door, snap on the lights, holler, "Just kidding!" and then leave her to try to get back to sleep. Repeatedly.

She has to go with me this morning, and that should be interesting. Rich will be here prepping the SS Minnow (ok, the McYacht, but she's a beast of a boat) for our first voyage as a family this morning, and I know the doc will love to see her, so that won't be a problem. I am, however, attempting to figure out the logistics of having a mobile infant in a room full of medical equipment. Wish me luck.