Thursday, June 28, 2007

I'm tired

Tired of everything being the same all of the time. Tired of never getting to do anything I "used" to do, like reading a book.

Today I am tired of being a mom.

You know, this little nugget of an essay is awesome: http://jennyquarx.livejournal.com/#asset-jennyquarx-16989

And it's all true. There's nothing like being a mom. It's the greatest joy and responsibility a person can be given. But some days it's downright exhausting. And when those days run into each other, end on end, week after week, well...

Yesterday the kid gave me a break. It's like they know when they're about to cross a line and they back off a bit. I couldn't have asked for a better child the first part of yesterday. By the second half though, we were back to the realm of nightmares. Screaming, not sleeping, inconsolable. The child that's referred to as "high need."

Well you know what? I'm high need too. I have many, many needs that aren't being met. Sleep, cleanliness, food, exercise...

I'd give anything to be able to brush my teeth without her attempting to follow me into the bathroom. Hell, I'd give anything to be able to PEE without her following me into the bathroom. Even when Rich is home she's following me around everywhere; screaming when I'm out of sight. As I type this she's standing with one hand on my knee as if she's claiming a seat.

The only way I keep myself going is to tell myself that when all is said and done, as the years pass, I'm very likely to have a wonderful, sensitive child. But right now, I'm damned tired.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Want babysitter? I have a 1/month free babysit rule with my other mommy friend.

I've never babysat little girls before though, only boys. And a roomfull of highschoolers.

I didn't ask before, b/c I thought you didn't know me that well, but maybe if you're tired enough you don't care.

It's Lane is someone hasn't told you yet and/or the guessing correctly.

jennyquarx said...

Wish I was closer and could help you out. Big hugs, sweetie.

Reader said...

Ah... no wonder I haven't seen you on the "thing" in a while. ((((((hugs))))) and I hope you get some sleep. XO!

Kelly said...

I also wish I was closer to do more than just offer my sympathy. You're a great mom, and I hope you can get some of your needs met soon.

Jennifer said...

If I was close I would watch miss L for you!!!!!

Sorry you have no time for yourself...that is the one thing that terrifies me about actually having a child (If I ever do). The loss of self.

(((hugs)))

And I bet L will be a super human person.

Michele said...

HUGS

I hear you and wish I had something to offer, but I'm still trying to figure out how to do things without hiring a babysitter to come over while I clean house or something.

TastesLikeCrazy said...

That sucks. Plain and simple.
No words of advice for ya, momma cause I know what you're going through and I've been there.
I just hope it gets better because I can't imagine it getting much worse.

http://TastesLikeCrazy.blogspot.com