Thursday, July 31, 2008

My friend

My friend Cyn received a phone call this morning of a terrible nature. Cyn had just gotten home from a long trip to Norway and England, and her ferrets Emma and George were being babysat.

At 930 this morning Cyn learned that Emma had passed away either last night or early this morning.

Safe Crossing, dear Emma. You were so loved. There's a gaggle of furbabies waiting at the Bridge to guide you home.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Short Post

Last night I forgot to put my daily two cans of Coke Zero into the fridge for this morning.

When I realized my error it was already 645 this morning, and I had already finished my cup of coffee and was about to move onto my Cokes.

I put one in the freezer and one in the fridge. I figured I'd leave the freezer one in for 45 min and have it at 730 while taking my meds.

At 715 I realized that I could put ice in a glass and pour the soda over it.

Have a great day everyone. 

Tuesday, July 29, 2008


This morning we sold the truck.

The kid up at the gas station bought it. We weren't sure if it was going to work out because last night when Rich went up to talk to him he told Rich that he had spoken to his mechanic and the guy said it sounded like the starter. Given that Rich had explained several times that the engine needed a rebuild this was worrisome. It wasn't unexpected though as English is the kid's second language, so he simply didn't understand.

This morning he arrived at 830 and brought his mechanic with him, thank the Gods. Rich explained everything to the mechanic and the mechanic explained everything to the kid in Spanish. They stood around and contemplated for quite some time, while the mechanic told him that for $2k he could drop a new/used engine into it.

The kid decided to buy the truck anyway.

So he handed over $2300, the final $200 to be given to us when we hand over the title, and that was that.

Today at some point a tow truck will arrive to take my baby away.

At least I'll get to visit it on days when the kid works at the station. That's gonna be so weird.

Have a great Tuesday. Catch ya tomorrow.

Monday, July 28, 2008

No More

No more talk about cars until we actually have one in our driveway. No more hoping and wishing that I'll get back on the road anytime soon. No more requests for good luck for me, as the wishes received aren't really working.

No more.

But thank you all just the same.

Here's how I spent my day yesterday:

Yes, I did. I left the TV off until about 1pm, and then I put on Discovery and watched sharks all day. ALL day. I was still watching sharks in bed last night. All of the shows pre-9pm were ones I had seen in seasons past, but I didn't care. I loves me some sharks.

The Great White is my favorite because I think it has a cute face. Yeah, I know that sounds weird, but I really do find it adorable when it isn't ripping something apart.

Have you ever seen Air Jaws? If you haven't, rent it. It's all about the Great Whites of South Africa that breach the water like whales when they're attacking their prey from below (see photo on right). It's utterly fascinating. I know Netflix has it and you can add it to your queue, so I would do so. Seriously. It makes for a wonderful hour of entertainment.

Today at 9am the Discovery Channel will go on again, and once again my day will be saturated with sharks. I believe the Shark Week Dirty Jobs special is on tonight, and I absolutely HAVE to stay up for that. Every year Mr Rowe does a great job with the topic.

Have a great Monday everyone. :)

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Boo Hiss

Well, the dealership wouldn't sell us the car without my mom actually being here in person.

They refused to fax her the paperwork to be signed or even to FedEx it to her. They said it wasn't worth their time.


We found another dealership that actually WILL do the above. They'll FedEx her the paperwork, have her FedEx it back, and it'll be a done deal. Problem is, the Yaris isn't available anywhere. It's in such high demand that it's backordered for several months. I can't go several months without a vehicle, so today Rich is going to go look at a white Toyota Corolla at said dealership and see what's what with that. He'd prefer a hatchback to a sedan, and a manual to an automatic, but whatever. It's only going to be a commuter car.

Plus, Corollas are excellent cars. This one only has 29k+ miles on it, so it's still under manufacturer's warranty. Plus this particular dealership offers a lifetime limited warranty for as long as you own the car. That'll work.

I'm still pissed about the first dealership, because it was a waste of time and gas for Rich to go out there yesterday. It's not like it's right around the corner.

So wish us luck on the Corolla now. Hopefully Rich will like it enough. I'm so sick of all of this I could barf.

Happy Sunday everyone!

Saturday, July 26, 2008


Rich is on his way to the dealership to order a white Toyota Yaris hatchback. It will use the full $16k of our loan plus tax, tags, and doc fees. Oh well. I was hoping to spend about $14k on something.

Supposedly this vehicle gets 36mpg highway, and some people get up to 45. We'll see. Rich drives highway to get to work, and our Ford Escape will be my car and our weekend car, so really this is only going to be a commuter vehicle. Good enough for that I suppose.

Unfortunately he now has to handle the dealership. You all know how that goes. He's planning to be a dick if things don't go his way, and tell them that he'll just go to the other dealership where they offer a lifetime limited warranty. Hopefully that'll get him out the door with some cash to spare.

The kid who wants the truck is coming by this coming week to buy it apparently. I'm still not certain he's serious, or that he has $2600 in cash to spend. He works in a convenience store for crying out loud, and I know for a fact that this particular one only pays $8 an hour. And we will ONLY take cash. No personal checks. We don't want to end up fucked.

We'll see how all of this goes. I hate car shopping. Absolutely hate it. It's worse than when I went house hunting with the Ex. It really is.

Have a great Saturday. Catch y'all tomorrow.

Friday, July 25, 2008

My Father

Nina's loss has gotten me thinking about my father's last day here on earth.

I was 11 years old, and I woke up in the morning and went to feed my hamster which we had purchased at the store not long before. I was utterly surprised when I discovered 5 baby hamsters in the Habitrail with her. I ran down the steps hollering that I was a grandmother. We then decided to call my father to give him the news (my parents had split when I was 7).

I called my dad and was telling him about the news, but he wasn't making much sense. I put my mom on the phone. She listened for a moment, and then she kept saying, "Jule. Jule! Julian!"

So she bundled me into the car and we rode over to his apartment to check on him.

She made me wait in the car while she let herself into his apartment. She was in there for about 10 minutes, when a police car came to a stop right behind us. The policeman went into the apartment too. I was wondering what was going on. Daddy was a cop, and it might have just been a visit coinciding with ours, but I wasn't sure.

An ambulance then arrived. My mom came out of the house and told me that my dad was very sick and had to go to the hospital. At this point the policeman came out of the house to drive me home. I sat in the back seat, worried about my dad, but asking the policeman about all of the gadgets and gizmos in his car. He turned the siren on for me for a second, and that was cool. When I got into the house I went about my business, hanging out with my grandmother and waiting for my mom to get home.

Mom didn't get home until after dark. She walked into the house and sat me down on the sofa. She said that there was something she had to tell me. Then she said the words, "Daddy's gone."

I couldn't comprehend at first what she was talking about, and then it dawned on me. The anger was immediate. I ran over to the Christmas tree and started attacking every present he had given me that year. It was January 15th, 1983. His 47th birthday had been January 5th. His presents were still under the tree too.

My grandmother was crying in a corner. I started crying finally, but still held on to my anger. I was PISSED. How dare he do this to me.

The funeral was planned, and one of our concerns was that at that time there were no black clothes out there for an 11 year old to wear. I'm sure that by this day and age things have changed. We found a black velvet skirt that I wore with a white turtleneck, and I proceeded to go to the viewing. During this entire time my mom had to be heavily medicated with Buspar, because she was falling apart on a regular basis. She was drugged at the viewing as well.

When we got there I noticed an honor guard at the casket on either side. They were posted there for the 24 hours between the day of the viewing and the funeral the next day. Full dress uniform. It would have been impressive if I hadn't been so miserable.

I went up to the casket to say goodbye and noticed that my dad didn't have his glasses on. He ALWAYS fell asleep with his glasses on, so it looked totally foreign to me. I wasn't happy with it at all.

The next day my father was buried. They gave him a 21 gun salute, and as they removed the flag from his casket and folded it they handed it to my dad's mother. She turned and handed it to me. I still can't bear the sound of rifle shot.

A few months later I found my mom crying in her room. She told me that she had lied to me. She said that Daddy had already been dead when we arrived at the apartment. His will was lying out on his bureau, and when she found him he had a smile on his face. The reason we had gone over to his place was because when my mom had spoken to him that morning he had kept repeating the same word over and over again. "Xanadu." It had totally freaked her out. She couldn't even hear the word anymore (the movie was then out) without crying.

I told her that in tales Xanadu was the ultimate paradise. Maybe he had seen what was coming. Maybe he had been making a request.

Regardless, it took 20 years for me to get over my anger. On the 20th anniversary of his death I decided to just let it go. 

The autopsy said that he had died of Emphysema complicated by malnutrition. My father essentially starved to death. Apparently people with emphysema have no appetites and can't eat. The ironic thing is that when we cleaned out his apartment we found the kitchen packed full of food. He had at least been trying.

So that's my tale for today. I hope everyone has a lovely Friday, and a wonderful weekend.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

I'm Not Here Today

My friend Nina lost her father last night. I am guest posting on her blog, HERE, because she's in no condition to do it herself or even have much to say. Please visit her blog and give her some love. She needs it.

Love to you all,


Wednesday, July 23, 2008

What about the Giant Ant???

I'm feeling pretty good today. Livvie has been a joy all day and I've very much enjoyed playing with her.

I posted in my mommy forum that I have been worried about her fine motor skill development but after Rich and I had a talk last night I'm much less worried. She's a stubborn gal, and she'll do what she wants, when she wants, at her own pace.

We tried coloring again this morning and she wasn't into it at all. She preferred to carry the sketch book around and hold it up for approval. Oh well.

Yesterday she took a nap from 4pm-5pm, which I thought would suck, but she asked to go to bed at 743, so that was fine. I had been fearing a 9pm bedtime, and since the season finale of Deadliest Catch started at 9 I thought I would be inconvenienced. Snort.

Today we have no plans as we still can't go anywhere due to the lack of a vehicle. I can't wait to get another car. This just plain sucks.

The other reason I've been feeling good today is because I took my first full dose of Lamictal in 3 days. I had to cut it in half the past 2 days because I couldn't afford any more pills until the 31st. Stupid, I know, but there ya have it. You gotta do what you gotta do.

It's amazing how quickly the effects of that can be felt. I had low level depression and felt like the world was just awful. After 1 day that started. Today I'm pretty content, and I know that things are going to work out ok on all of our sucky fronts. Especially the whole car situation. We have possibly gotten another offer to buy the truck. A mechanic that's a friend of Rich's friend buys broken down vehicles, fixes them up, and then sells them. THAT would be ideal, even over the kid who was interested first. I'd really prefer not to sell that kid a potential death trap, and even though he says he "knows someone" who can fix it I just don't trust that idea.

I should really clean the bathroom today, but I can't do that unless Rich is home to keep Livvie occupied. She always wants to follow me into the bathroom, and the last thing she needs is to breathe in Tilex. So I guess I'll wait.

In the meantime, she is in her crib crying pre-nap, and if we even get a nap today I'll be super surprised.

Have a great Wednesday everyone.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Shark Week begins Sunday

more cat pictures

I can't wait.

I've been watching Shark Week for well over 20 years, can you believe that?

Anyway, I just wanted to give everyone a heads up that this is where my evenings will be spent next week. Anyone I IM with, I don't mean to ignore you, but the sharks, man, the SHARKS...

Monday, July 21, 2008


My child stole my toenail clippings off of the computer table where I was placing them prior to throwing them out. I have no idea what she did with them. I can only assume they're in the rug somewhere, my DNA, waiting to be stepped on with bare feet.

My child ate stewed yellow squash with onions. I had made some for dinner, and we chose to eat in the living room in front of the TV last night. She is fascinated with our food whenever we eat in the living room, and she kept trying to touch Rich's squash. He cut some up into small pieces and handed it to her, one at a time, and she actually ate it. I was thrilled.

My child drank not one single ounce of milk. The other day I had tried to sneak some liquid vitamins into her by hiding them in a bottle of milk. She took one sip and threw the bottle. She hasn't drunk milk since. This is worrisome because she needs calcium and won't eat cheese, but the really good thing about it is that she's now eating like a fiend. However, she does still get formula at night, and there's calcium in there, so I should just shut up and not worry.

It didn't rain. We were then required to water our plants with the hose on drip. Rich got into bed at about 930, and got all settled down nice and cozy, and then realized he hadn't turned off the hose. He had to run outside and do it. He was crabby about that.

I killed 2 mosquitos on myself and got blood all over my hands both times. It was disgusting. I was smoking each time, so I had to hold the offending hand far away from myself until I was done smoking and could then go wash up. Rich killed 5 mosquitos on himself before giving up and applying Deep Woods OFF. My solution was to put sweatpants on even though it was over 90 degrees.

I have already mentioned that the truck came home. It sits, on the side of the driveway, looking forlorn and unused. At least it was washed. It's nice and pretty and forlorn.

We might have found a new car at a local dealership if they still have it. It's a white Chevy Aveo and they're asking $9980 for it. Amazing price. After tax, tags, and doc fees I think we're talking $200 a month. Totally doable. Have heard conflicting accounts of the reliability of the Aveo, however, so we're not sure.

I saw a large box tortoise in the side yard. I moved him so that Rich wouldn't run him over with the lawn mower, and he was less than happy about the situation. I told him to suck it up or he'd end up in pieces and become bird food. 

That's about it for yesterday, other than there was a Deadliest Catch marathon on all day and I ended up watching most of it. I'm very concerned about Phil, one of the captains. He thought he had broken his ribs and punctured a lung, but when the hard head finally gave in and went back to port to go to the hospital they discovered that he had actually thrown a clot and ended up with an pulmonary aneurism. They originally gave him 2 weeks to live. Then they stretched it to 2 months. At this rate I'm not even certain if he's still around, as the season ends Tuesday night and it won't be back on again until fall. Regardless, his fishing career is probably over, and that saddens me. He was my favorite captain. I would have liked him to be my dad. 

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Good God

This might completely suck.

Rich and a friend of his are going to attempt to tow my truck back from the service station all by themselves.

Yes, they are going to attach a chain or a strap to said friend's truck (a Datsun. Remember those??) and pull my truck down the road and into the driveway.

I'm mildly freaked out.

First of all, this is a very busy road. Second of all, this just totally smacks of a, "Hey y'all! Watch this!!!" moment. If they were launching pianos with a trebuchet it couldn't get any worse.

They've headed to Home Depot to locate a strap, and then they're going to stop at the service station on the way home. This means that I might not ever see my husband again, if some jackass decides to ignore the non-running truck attached to a strap being turned into my driveway behind a Datsun.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have nothing against Datsuns. They in fact became Nissans, which is what my truck is. It's just that that truck is way small, and I just don't see how it's going to manage to pull my truck at all. If we had Rich's old Silverado I'd have no worries about that at all.

In the meantime, some kid who works at the gas station next to the service station has offered us $2600 for the truck even though he knows it's not running. We can't tell if he's serious or not. If he is I'll gladly sell it to him because we owe exactly $2600 on the damn thing. That would make life a whole lot simpler and less expensive.

That's it for today. Please cross your fingers that hubby doesn't end up dead or maimed by this experience. Thank you.


Of course the Goddamn thing started and Rich was able to drive it home. Apparently there is a gigantic knocking sound in the engine though, and they think it's a rod or something similar. Regardless, once they have to get into the engine and fix everything it'll cost too much to fix. So, we still need another car. Oh well.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

The Dark Knight

First of all, Livvie is never allowed to see this movie until she's about 11 years old. In the first place, she wouldn't be able to follow the plot. In the second place, it's wayyyy too violent for her. Now, I know I loves me some violence, but Heath Ledger was SCARY ass good as the Joker, and she doesn't need nightmares. I want her to LOVE the Joker, not fear him. Hell, I might even have nightmares tonight.

This movie was almost 3 hours of awesome.


I ended up depressed by the end of the movie as Mr Ledger will never be able to return. I have to say the performance was Oscar worthy. It truly was. What a tremendous waste.

In the theater you had your usual talkers, and I swear to God if one more of them tried to explain to their friend the basic premise of Batman DURING the film I was going to rip out their guts with my straw. Yes, I did get a soda, because they had Coke Zero at the fountain, and I've never had fountain Coke Zero. It was good.

Back to the complaint:

DO NOT talk in the movie ever. I mean, if you want to interject something like WOOHOO when something fantastic happens that's one thing. But do NOT have entire conversations explaining the back story of how the Batman became the Batman, who Harvey Dent is, and that no, Commissioner Gordon is not in fact Commissioner yet. Do that BEFORE the movie starts, while they're running the ads for the local martial arts studios and real estate brokers.

This public service announcement brought to you by everyone who had to listen to the chicks in the back row.

And, yes, while I AM impressed that a chick knew all of this stuff, let's face it, there aren't that many of us out there, really, I do have to say SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY.


Thank you.

Back to our regularly scheduled blog tomorrow.

Friday, July 18, 2008


PuttPutt licked me this morning.

The reason this is important is because he hasn't shown me any affection in about 9 months or more. I was thrilled.

PuttPutt came to me when I was working at the shelter. He was about 10 days old, and some construction workers brought him in. Apparently his mother had been hanging around an uncapped well, and they were afraid she would fall in so they captured her and took her far away. They then discovered her kitten. Oops.

They brought him in and I volunteered to foster him. They sent him home with me, along with a kitten bottle, nipples, kitten formula, and cat carrier for him to live in.

He was so loud I named him Bobcat Goldthwait. He was hilarious, and he scratched the hell out of my hands with his little needle claws. I was required to help him go potty at that point, so we used those cotton swipers that you use to remove makeup. He hated having to go potty. He HATED it.

As he grew he got cuter and cuter, and we also discovered he was cross eyed. He learned to walk. Walking was absolutely hysterical, as he would just chug himself around the room. At this point Rich changed his name to PuttPutt. 

I had requested a ferret prior to PuttPutt coming home, and Rich had relented. However, after having raised this tiny creature from infancy I was so attached to him that I asked if we could keep him. Rich said he's rather have him than a ferret, so ours he was (after of course I had to go through the application process at work).

PuttPutt tested FIV positive. Mildly positive, but still. FIV is spread through deep bites, so we took a chance and kept him in the general population with plans to retest him at 4 months. When 4 months came along he tested negative. WooHOO! I was so excited.

One day I came home from work to find him with a fishing lure in one of his paw pads. It was a treble hook, which is one of the ones with 3 hooks attached to each other. Off to the ER we went for the barbs to be cut off and the hooks to be removed. HOW he had gotten to it I don't know. He had had to open a box first in order to remove it. Apparently it looked too much like a cat toy to resist.

PuttPutt became best friends with my cat Bagheera. They slept together and played together constantly. It was great, because Bagheera was about 7 years older than PuttPutt and needed the stimulation.

PuttPutt grew into a fine looking cat. We had determined that he was a Norwegian Forest Cat mix, which might be wishful thinking, but he sure does look like one. Thank you PuttPutt for still loving me, because I love you to bits.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

There's nothing to say

Everything has just gone to shit in the past 24 hours, and I don't even know how to talk about it.

I'll try though. I guess.

So there's the truck. Rich went up to take a look at it after the service station closed last night. He popped the hood and found my engine in pieces, even though we hadn't given them permission to work on it. They even took the spark plugs out, leaving that section open to possible moisture which could destroy it. Needless to say he was pissed.

This morning I went to flush the toilet in the main bathroom and it wouldn't flush. Now there's a bunch of toilet paper sitting at the bottom of the bowl. I don't even know where the plunger is, so I can't try to fix it.

Rich went to take a shower, and when he turned the hot water knob it just spun. It's completely stripped. He had to take the handle off and use a wrench to turn the water on, which is now looking so ghetto it's lovely.

Rich stormed out of the house.

I went to fill Livvie's pool and the spigot outside is now spraying water everywhere. And when I say everywhere, I mean I got totally soaked in about 3 seconds. 

I guess we need a plumber. Which we can't afford.

Plus there was the attempt at car shopping yesterday, which was rendered impossible due to the fact that our loan is for $14k, and everything and its pet duck costs from $16k up. Everything that gets decent gas mileage anyway.

Now Livvie won't nap.

I need this day to go away so I can start over.

Oh, and I forgot to mention: Rich's coworker has been offered a new job making a ton more money, so he'll be giving his notice at the end of the month. That leaves Rich alone in the office having to work twice as much. He's already working upwards of 65 hours a week. 

Yeah, we need a do over.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

I'm Going to be Sick

The truck is going to cost $2500 at least to get fixed.

We can't fix it.

I called my credit union about getting a new loan with my mom as a cosigner, and they're going to take her application over the phone and then fax her the paperwork.

So this means that we'll have a truck sitting in our yard rotting until the damn thing is paid off in the next 10 mos.

We might be able to sell it for parts.

I'm just so sick to my stomach over this whole thing and I can't believe it. 
It won't even run, so we'll have to get it towed back to the house for another $65.

This is my TRUCK dammit.

If we can get another car we're going to get a commuter car such as a Fit or something similar that gets decent gas mileage, and Rich will drive that one and I'll drive the Ford. I don't want to drive the Ford. I don't want another car at all. I want MY truck.

I guess we have no choice. I need a vehicle with a baby in the house. 

We're asking for a $14k loan, and they said with my mom as cosigner we might be able to get an interest rate of 6.2%-7% for 72 months.

I hope that's true.

Cross your fingers for me please. I need all of the good wishes I can get right now.

Monday, July 14, 2008


I just watched my baby get towed away.

$65 to go 5 houses up to the service station.

Rich was doing some research online and discovered that if it is in fact the timing belt we're looking at $700-$800 for the repair.

I just can't believe this.

Rich talked me out of selling the truck because his feeling is that if we spend so much money to get it fixed we should at least keep it long enough to get our money's worth. I have to agree with him I guess. It would make no sense to sell it after this.

This is the third vehicle I've watched get towed. The first one was my very first car, a Beretta, after the engine block cracked and the junk yard offered me $25 for it to junk it. I stood there and cried as it was hauled away.

My Saturn got towed twice. Saturns are notorious for electrical problems, and one time I was on my way to NJ to visit my mom. As I was pulling into town my alternator started to go. It managed to stay alive until just as I pulled up in front of mom's house. It was then towed to the dealership.

The alternator died again a few years later as I was on my way home from work one night. Once again I had to watch it get hauled away. It sucked.

This morning I watched the dude attach the truck to the rig and pull it out of the driveway. As he was leaving the driveway he hit the drainage ditch with the front end of the truck. It bounced. I was less than happy. How dare he treat my baby that way?

So now we wait. They probably won't even get a chance to look at it until tomorrow at the earliest. In the meantime my stomach is in knots and my nerves are shot.

Have a great Monday everyone.

Sunday, July 13, 2008


Last night I could have filmed a Chinet commercial.

I made jambalaya, and as always I cooked the whole chicken breasts in the mix until they were ready to be shredded. When they were done I got them out and transferred them to a paper plate on the counter so I could do just that.

I shredded them and then proceeded to try to carry the plate back to the pot to reinstall them into the mix.

You guessed it.

Halfway to the pot the chicken fell right through the plate and onto the floor. Thank the gods I had only paid half price for that chicken, because if I had paid $9, which I never do, I would have been even more pissed at myself. I mean, how the fuck stupid was that idea?

We cleaned up the chicken and proceeded to have sausage jambalaya. At the end of dinner Rich said, "That was good. It just seemed to be missing something."

I almost threw my fork at him.

In other news, Rich took a look at my truck and thinks the issue is the timing belt, which not only means a couple of hundred dollars, but it also means that the truck will definitely have to be towed to the service station because if you drive with a broken timing belt it can fuck up the valves. THAT would run about $1500.

Sigh again.

It's been a pretty shitty 24 hours.

Saturday, July 12, 2008


My truck is dead.

I went to start it this morning to go to the pharmacy, and when I started it the RPMs wouldn't go above the 1. The truck was shuddering hard, and there was a smell of gasoline. I tried to put it in gear and back it up and it stalled.

I tried twice.

It's not out of gas. There's a half a tank in there. All I know is that it's going to have to be towed ($$) to the service station and that we can't afford to have it fixed.

I only owe $2100 on it, so if the repair doesn't cost too much I think it's time to sell it. Even with the dents I think I could get $4000 for it and put the $1900 toward a new car. I don't want a new car. I love my truck. I don't want to part with it.

But I think it's time.

For the past year I've had nothing but problems with it. It's 9 years old, so I guess I should expect that, but I wasn't ready for it. If I had been smart I would have created a savings account to store money in for emergencies such as this, but I wasn't that smart. Plus, all of my money every month goes to drugs, bills, and pet food.

I don't know what to do here. I'm at a loss.

Thursday, July 10, 2008


My BFF has challenged me to come up with a list of disclaimers about myself. So here it goes.

I use the C word a lot. You know, the one that rhymes with "punt?" That's the one. I use it descriptively, as in "You stupid C! Get your ass off the road and put down that F'ing cell phone!"

I also use the F word a lot.

I'm completely OCD. Not as bad as Monk, but I have my issues. I count everything. I count how many times I shake Livvie's formula bottles (2 sets of 20), I count how many seconds it takes my dogs to pee (Ginny averages 8. Emma averages 12). I have a specific order in which I select my eggs out of the carton. Oh, and I absolutely, positively cannot stand paper on the floor. If this drives you nuts, you shouldn't hang around me. BFF has learned to make use of it for her own nefarious purposes.

I'm not well schooled but I'm exceptionally intelligent and have an insane memory for the ridiculous. I can play along with Cash Cab on the Discovery channel, and during one episode I "won" about $1500. The information I spewed out at the television was worthless for anything but a game show, but it was there. Don't challenge me to Trivial Pursuit. Especially the History section. I'll beat your ass. I also have the ability to rack up the funds watching Jeopardy. Oh, and Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader. Turns out I am.

I'm closed minded when it comes to a lot of things, which is something I'm working on. I have specific opinions that are hard to get rid of, and usually there are no shades of gray. If THIS bothers you, you are more than welcome to call me on it. Generally the only way I can change my opinion is for someone to give me a well thought out argument and make their case in an intelligent fashion. It CAN happen. But rarely do most people even try. They just label me stubborn and move on. Pity.

If I'm reading anything, anything at all, I'll tune out everything else, including any conversation someone is attempting to have with me. I can read the back of a cereal box and not hear a word you're saying. My mom used to go crazy over this. This is not something I've been able to change. Live with it.

I feel that hanging out with The Kid is far more important than house work. Hence I don't truly clean unless Rich is home and can occupy her time. If you stop by unannounced you will likely see tumbleweeds of dog hair blowing across the kitchen floor and notice that I couldn't even be bothered with hanging the toilet paper on the wall. You'll also see piles of paperwork on the kitchen table and notice that I haven't wiped down the counter yet. 

Oh, and don't stop by unannounced. I'll be stony and practically silent the entire time. I might not even answer the door.

I am exceptionally grumpy prior to my morning cup of coffee, so if you attempt to engage me in conversation in any way you'll likely get short, curt answers that might hurt your feelings. Don't take it personally. It has nothing to do with you. If you manage to catch me after said cup of coffee you'll find a much more pleasant person. Try to contact me after 8am.

I'm fiercely attached to my friends, but I don't have any casual friends. That makes no sense to me. I know that people have them and get a lot out of them, such as camaraderie and fun times out, but I'd rather stay at home unless there's an opportunity to go out with BFF. I talk to Jmac almost every day on the phone or via IM. I IM with Nina every day. If either of them appeared at my door (after calling first of course), I'd hang out with them in a heartbeat. If people I used to work with wanted to go out, I'd be tempted to not go. It's just how I roll.

Although I HAVE made friends at work, I don't go to work to make friends. This has bothered many coworkers who would attempt to engage me in their personal dramas and get me to become involved with their lives. I just don't care. I couldn't tell you what most of their boyfriends names were. I couldn't tell you what their college majors were. I couldn't even tell you if their parents were still together or even alive. I just didn't care.

That's about it for now. Consider all of you tagged to do the same. :)

Have a great Thursday everyone.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

I Am The Night

I loved Batman as a child, but I didn't develop a full on love affair with him until I was in my early 20s, and Batman The Animated Series started on the Fox network.

I could identify with Batman. He lost his parents at a young age, I lost my father at a young age, and it turned us both dark and broody. 

I had vigilante leanings, in my heart at least, and he became a true vigilante, ridding Gotham of bad guys on a regular basis.

I got a job at the Warner Brothers Studio Store when I was at my height of Batman love, and I was totally enraptured when I saw the animation cel that you view at the left. It totally captured the feelings I had on a regular basis at the time. My rage, my hopelessness, my absolute despair.

I bought it. For $500. I got an employee discount on it, but it didn't take THAT much money off of it. My mom totally wigged on me. I told her it was an investment, but that was a crock. I would never part with it.

It currently hangs on the wall in Livvie's room, along with a cel of the Joker using a hand puppet in the Christmas episode. THAT cel makes me laugh out loud every time I look at it. It's a wonderful piece of art, but it's not the same as the Batman cel that I lost my heart to.

I then went on a comic book kick, buying every Batman that came out weekly, and I had a standing subscription at the local comic shop. The boys who ran the store developed a deep love for me, and they even bought my weekly subscription for me as a going away present when I moved down to NC. They were nice guys. They also used to give me back issues at their discount, so that was helpful in working on my collection.

Batman The Animated Series became Batman and Robin to appeal to the younger set, and it was never the same after that. I used to think that the original animated series should have seriously come with a parental warning, as it was a very dark program. Batman never killed, but the bad guys did. The Joker did. It was a blow to me when they revamped it. I stopped watching.

I hated the movies that came out. I hated the casting, I hated the costumes. I hated everything about them, and by the time they got to casting Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl I was pretty sure I'd never see another Batman film again.

Then came Christian Bale. And Batman Begins. I fell in love again. HERE was a Batman who was real and true to the character. He had the rage. He had the disappointment. He had the feelings of hopelessness, even though he persevered. I am waiting desperately on the new Batman movie that's coming out this summer, as it's based on one of the darkest and most dreary comic story lines of all time. Yes, the Darkness still appeals to me. I'm no longer filled with the same rage, I don't have the same amount of disappointment at life, but I do still have the dark side.

I am the night.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Your Animaniacs Song of the Day

Yakko's Universe:

Everybody lives on a street in a city
Or a village or a town for what it's worth.
And they're all inside a country which is part of a continent
That sits upon a planet known as Earth.
And the Earth is a ball full of oceans and some mountains
Which is out there spinning silently in space.
And living on that Earth are the plants and the animals
And also the entire human race.

It's a great big universe
And we're all really puny
We're just tiny little specks
About the size of Mickey Rooney.
It's big and black and inky
And we are small and dinky
It's a big universe and we're not.

And we're part of a vast interplanetary system
Stretching seven hundred billion miles long.
With nine planets and a sun; we think the Earth's the only one
That has life on it, although we could be wrong.
Across the interstellar voids are a billion asteroids
Including meteors and Halley's Comet too.
And there's over fifty moons floating out there like balloons
In a panoramic trillion-mile view.

And still it's all a speck amid a hundred billion stars
In a galaxy we call the Milky Way.
It's sixty thousand trillion miles from one end to the other
And still that's just a fraction of the way.
'Cause there's a hundred billion galaxies that stretch across the sky
Filled with constellations, planets, moons and stars.
And still the universe extends to a place that never ends
Which is maybe just inside a little jar!

It's a great big universe
And we're all really puny
We're just tiny little specks
About the size of Mickey Rooney.
* Though we don't know how it got here
* We're an important part here
* It's a big universe and it's ours!

Sunday, July 06, 2008

I just don't know what to do

Last night I woke up around midnight and never slept again for the rest of the night. Through my tossing and turning I ended up waking Rich at 330, and he never slept again for the rest of the night.

I'm absolutely exhausted this morning. I finally got out of bed at about 710, and guzzled my one cup of coffee that I allow myself each day. I might end up needing to make another pot at some point this morning, as I'm barely functional.

I really don't know how to fix this. Last night while lying awake I ended up replaying episodes of Buffy in my head. I should have just gotten up and put the damn DVDs in and watched them for real. It would have been better than lying there in the dark.

I also ended up with Livvie waking up at 721 this morning, and that was tough on me. I just wasn't ready to deal with her needs. Luckily she woke up in a good mood, and she's basically been fine all morning, but I really needed time to myself to try to wake up.

Tonight if this happens again I'll just get up and come into the living room. Maybe I'll fall back to sleep on the sofa. At least I won't wake Rich up. 

Oh, the neighbors had the last laugh last night. At about 9 they started setting off their fireworks, and it continued until about 10 when I assume they ran out of them. Luckily the dogs didn't freak out too badly, and they didn't wake Livvie up. They did end up keeping me awake though. So yeah, I guess I got 2 hours of sleep last night.

Have a great Sunday everyone.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Bwah ha ha ha haaaaa

It's 930pm and I'm lying in bed. Rich comes in and gets in bed. Dirty Jobs is on the TV. Rich turns his fan on low. Then...


Late start for them. About 2 minutes later another one. They're slow, these amateurs, and they also need to make sure they don't blow off limbs.


I'm starting to get peeved. According to Rich, it's good that they're simply fireworks and not bullets. Yeah, that's true. But I get nervous, VERY nervous that something will happen. An accidental fire. Dismemberment. A child getting hurt. OH, and did I mention it could possibly, POSSIBLY wake up my kid?

And then...


I said, "Was that thunder?" 



If I could figure out a sound effect for the pouring rain I would. Think to yourself the sound of a wall of water hitting your home and you've probably got it.

Oddly, the CRRAAACCCKK BOOMs stopped at this point. Or not so oddly, as I imagine people were gathering up bowls of potato salad, leftover burgers, coolers full of beer, and hauling them all inside their homes. I'm assuming the fireworks got hauled inside too, at least the ones that didn't get ruined by water.

The thunder stayed a good 7-8 miles away. The rain was right on top of us. It was a Good Night.

Have a great Saturday everyone!

Friday, July 04, 2008


I was going to write a long post this morning about the silence of a 4th of July morning on the road and the loudness of a 4th of July evening with the rednecks setting off fireworks in the neighborhood, but then I talked to my mom.

Yesterday she was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes. Yeah. She's 77 years old. Luckily her kidneys and liver are still ok. However, she now has to watch her diet and be on medication for the rest of her life.

This also means that I now have to go into the doctor and get blood work done. Up until now we've had no history of diabetes in our family. Now apparently I need to get myself checked out. Especially since I drink too much and pee too much all day. Since those are symptoms of diabetes I have to get myself looked at. Lovely.

Mom doesn't think this is a big deal, but I do. Her blood sugar was "only" 139, which given my history with my cat Clancy I know is not terrible. When Clancy was diagnosed he was over 500. 

So this just sucks. I'm worried about her. I'm worried about me.

Happy 4th of July. Mine is shit.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

How Hard Is It??

How hard is it to remember to take out the garbage?

Last night I asked Rich to take the trash to the street and he said he'd do it "later." I went to bed at 830 to read and watch TV, and he came in sometime after 10.

I got up this morning and discovered that he had made nachos last night prior to coming to bed. Not a problem. He was hungry. So what?

So I went outside to smoke, and discovered the trash bin sitting next to the driveway. He had not taken it out. He had time to make nachos, but no time to take out the garbage?

So after he got up I did my snotty, "Thanks for taking the trash down."

"Oh, I forgot." I told him I had figured as much. He then said that he had planned to take it out this morning prior to going to work. Riiight.

By this time I had dragged the heavy ass bin all the way to the street, huffing and puffing all the way. It really was insanely heavy. I also had the job of taking the recycling to the street, which isn't terribly bad as we usually only have plastic bottles and aluminum cans in there. Pretty light, but still.

This happens every single week. He always forgets, I always end up having to get dressed right away on Thursdays so I can get it to the street before the trash men show up.

So really, how hard is it? Anyone else have this problem? Because frankly, I don't feel like asking more than once.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

This is fun

So yesterday was Livvie's well baby check up. Physically she's fine, save for a minor heart murmur that wasn't a surprise to me since she had one the night she was born.

Developmentally is another story.

Her gross motor skills are outstanding. She can run, walk backwards, go up and down stairs, dump things out of bins (which is important for some reason. Don't ask me why). However, the doctor was concerned about her lack of speech. She does vocalize, but she uses no words at all. He told me to give it four months, and if she isn't speaking by then we'll have to look into a speech therapist. I'm not happy about that at all.

He called me later in the afternoon to ask me some more questions he had forgotten while we were there. One of them was if she colored or scribbled at all. I told him we hadn't started working on that yet, and he told me it was time to start in order to get her fine motor skills up to par. I said ok, and made plans to go to Target this morning.

We left bright and early, and the arts and crafts aisle was packed full of stuff that was awesome but mainly for older kids. I ended up getting her an art pad with white paper, a box of the wide, washable crayons for smaller kids, a box of 48 smaller crayons with more colors, and these cool markers that are invisible unless you're drawing on special paper. The markers came with a Nemo coloring book, and I also got her some of the magic paper to go with them.

We got home and I pulled out the brown crayon for her and showed her how to mark on paper. She was less than interested in the marking, but was absolutely enthralled with the crayon itself. She walked around holding it up and showing it to me like it was the coolest thing ever. I got the rest of the crayons out, and she carried them around for awhile too.

Then she got up on the sofa with them.

After I put her down for her nap I discovered that she had accidentally colored all over the sofa. I knew they were washable, but with what? I ended up getting the soapy kitchen sponge and scrubbing at the marks with that. It worked, so thank the gods for that. She had mostly used the black one. Not good on a tan sofa.

One thing that was promising was that at one point she was sitting on my lap and I had the art pad on her lap and she was scribbling back and forth without looking at it. It's a start.

Purple and Black.

A wise choice.

Have a great day everyone!

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Kill Me Now

I've had a migraine for the past 3 days. I ran out of meds for it yesterday. I just called the doctor and asked for a refill to be called in, so hopefully it'll be waiting for me at the pharmacy soon.

I know what's causing it. It's ovulation week. And since I'm not on the pill anymore I should have expected it. Prior to BC pills I got a migraine every single time I ovulated. It's lovely. 

When I got pregnant I had 2 migraines within the first 2 months, and then never had another one again until after I stopped breast feeding. They've been few and far between, so this one having lasted 3 days so far is an anomaly. 
My head feels like it's about to crack in half. The interesting thing is that I'm ovulating on the right side this month, and the migraine is also on the right side. It would be interesting to see if they truly do correspond with each other. 

Along with the pain I get nausea, visual disturbances, and this feeling of cold on that side of my head. It pisses me off that people think they're just bad headaches, because they're not. Migraines are a type of seizure disorder, and they aren't safe at all. I had one once that lasted 8 days and it even affected my speech. My words were slurring and I couldn't find the right words a lot either. I ended up with an MRI to see if I had had a stroke.

Hopefully Doc will call in this scrip soon. I can't function very well (you should see how many times I've hit backspace in this post alone) and the noises my kid is making are driving me nuts. I just want to go lie down somewhere and die.