Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Well I was right

I was carrying twins. I had my ultrasound this morning and as the doctor was about to insert the wand I told him that he had to tell me there was only one in there. He inserted the wand and said, "Well, I can't do that."

I saw two sacs. I saw two babies.

Then the doctor said he was concerned.

Apparently one was much smaller than the other and he couldn't detect a heart beat. He told me he wanted the tech to do a more involved scan and had me sit in a waiting area for awhile for her time to free up.

I went in with her and got scanned again. Apparently one of them, the one she labeled Baby B, died 2 weeks ago at 8 weeks gestational age. This is where my cramping and abdominal pain has been coming from.

The remaining twin seems to be healthy. The heart rate was 159 and it was moving around quite a bit.

So apparently now I just wait. I'll either reabsorb the dead fetus or I'll pass it. There's no way to know which will happen or when.

I really have no idea how to feel about this. On the one hand I feel a crushing depression that this happened. On the other hand I felt a small amount of relief because we can neither afford nor have room for twins.

My head is going to be really fucked up for awhile.


Em said...

Try not to think too hard about it. This is just how nature works. Hang in there! :-)

Me said...

So do you have the ecoli as well or was that a false positive, meaning really baby B?

If there is anything I can do for you please let me know.

squirrelgirl said...

{{{HUGS}}} I thinks it's natural to be confused about something like this. A little sad, a little glad... Take all the time you need to process all those conflicting emotions. We'll still be here.

LizB said...

I'm sorry. Feel what you feel hon; that's all you can do.

Catherine said...

I totally get that, the conflictedness. I sure hope you feel better soon, physically and otherwise. A little relief of some sort. You need a treat. A massage maybe, a loooong, really super great massage. Doesn't that sound good? Take your mind off things for awhile.

Annie said...

What em said. Yes, it is a complex thing and would be really weird, but I go with the idea that it is a blessing in the long run. Big hugs.

canape said...

So happy sad. I'm sorry for your loss and congratulating you all at the same time. It's a strange world.

You know, yesterday (the 15th) was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. So all over the world, candles were being lit for your little one and so many others.

Take care.

Dagny said...

I'm really sorry.

Even though it wasn't the time, it has to be sad.

((gentle hugs))

Kimber said...

(((Julie & Rich)))

LizB said...

Haven't heard from you in a while; worried. Are you OK?