Merit Badges

<------- Varicose Vein- Grown July, 2006

For some reason none of this is really bothering me. At least not in an esthetic sort of way. The varicose vein freaked me out at first because of the threat of blood clots and poor circulation etc... But I realized that being a pack a day smoker actually put me at more risk for those anyway, so STFU, you know?

Anyway, when I was in my youth I was famous for my legs. To toot my own horn, I was rocking some serious gams. Know what though? The cause of that giant ripple of blue on my leg was just holding my palm to her face saying, "I love you more." So fuck it. It's a leg.

When I was very pregnant with Livvie, my doctor was measuring my belly and he said to me, "You don't have any stretch marks." That's the big secret that the cosmetic industry doesn't want you to know. You either get them, or you don't. I didn't apply any cocoa butter. I did nothing. I got no scarring. That's not to say I hadn't acquired any in my life. I grew so fast as a child that my thighs are covered with strands of scars encircling them like the rings of a tree. You don't see them in the winter, but when my legs tan in the summer, boom, there they are. When I was 25 I finally "filled out," and my hips spread. Ta da. Have some giant scars on your hips to mark that rite of passage as well.

The other night I got out of the shower and was toweling off. I glanced up at the mirror and noticed a splash of purple on the underside of my belly. Granted, it wasn't a very large splash, but it was there. I used my fingers to pull the skin up, and there they were:

I had a brief moment of shock. Then I started grinning. I ran to Rich and said, "Look look!" and showed them to him. He thought I was silly, but he humored me anyway.

I don't know what it is. Maybe it's almost like acquiring a new tattoo to mark a specific event in your life. For the rest of my life when I look down and happen to catch a glance at these marks I'll be reminded of carrying these children. It's incredibly cool to me that each put their own stamp on the process so there will be no confusion.

Wish me luck in the coming days. Jonas is almost here. I'll be sure to toss some pics up for you.