Saturday, April 21, 2007

A rebuttal (and this is for YOU Xris...)

My best friend recently complained that I used her to test my mother for shortness in my kitchen last week. Granted, I did. I know how tall Xris is, and I couldn't very well stand back to back with my mom and SEE how much bone loss she's experienced. Also, it's easier for me to judge how much larger something is than something else rather than the opposite. Shut up. I know what you're thinking...

In her complaint Xris listed all of the great things about being wee.

She's right. So now I'm going to list the suckass things about being tall.

---As a child my mom almost always cut my head off in photos. There are loads of cute pictures of an adolescent torso in my photo albums.

---Jean shopping sucks. Do you remember the kid's size "slim fit?" They don't make those for adults. And even if they did, they'd be too fucking short.

---Speaking of, in school, due to the rapidity of growth, every shithead short kid asked me when the flood was coming. Har de fucking har.

---Speaking of, at Jr High dances, no one would dance with me because I towered over their Munchkin heads. It had nothing to do with the fact that I was a spaz.

---It SUCKS to always have to get shit down for people. Somedays at the shelter I was tempted to just pick up this itty bitty co-worker I had and just throw her at the upper cabinets to get her own damn sticky notes. No Mondy, not you.

---Speaking of, when you walk past cabinets in the cat room and suddenly a cat that was hiding on TOP of the cabinets reaches down and grabs your head with his claws, that sucks too.

---Tree branches.

There's more, but the kid just woke up.


Kelly said...

There's not a day that goes by where I don't get pissed that woman's jeans/pants don't come in a length and width like men's do.

jennifer said...

Oh my god, you both crack me up.

Nicki BL said...

I finally got a chance to start your blog, and I love it!!! I can't wait to read more.

Unfortunately, I can't sympathesize on the height thing. I'm only 5'2" (on a good day). LOL