Oh the Fantasy

My mother has pretty much hated the Yankees for her entire life, because she's always felt they are a bunch of entitled, stuck up fucktards who are so full of themselves they're more like bloated ticks.

Her hatred was cemented during the 1950 World Series.

She and every other good citizen of the Delaware Valley were forced to watch Satan's Team sweep the Phillies in 4 games.

Bitterness? Check. Resentment? Check. Gut seething fury? Checkity check.

Whitey Ford can suck our left ones.

As a child I was raised with Yankees hatred which I accepted in good faith until I was old enough to understand that yes, they are a bunch of entitled, stuck up fucktards who are so full of themselves they're more like bloated ticks.

And then I happily hated them all on my own.

(At this point I feel it is my duty to report that we've already trained Livvie to say, "Boo Yankees!" with glee. Someday she'll understand).

As an adult I've actually been tempted to snatch Yankees caps off of people's heads and piss on them. So when the Sox beat them down in 2004 I was absolutely delighted.

One thing that bugs my mom and me is Jeter. We agree that he seems like such a nice boy, and we can't for the life of us figure out why the universe would allow him to embrace the Dark Side.

Oh sure, there's the monies. And I guess there's the whole wanting to play for a *gag* winning team. But truly, wouldn't such a nice boy want to uphold balance in the universe?

Yeah. Shut up.

So last night the Phils took the National League again. In this family we've got the joy joy joy joy down in our hearts.

On the one hand, it would be poetic justice for the Angels to defeat  The Devil's Own. On the other hand...

We want a rematch.

We want a rematch so badly we can taste it. We want Hamels to shut those fuckers out. We want to flip NYC the bird and dance on the batting helmeted skulls of our enemies. We want to beat their kneecaps with Louisville Sluggers and stuff their faces full of Citizen's Bank Park.

The Angels would probably be an easier win. But we need revenge.

I'm going to be pulling for the Yanks. This curdles my stomach. But I want to see them go down hard in the City of Brotherly Love.

Do it for Harry, boys. He's watching.