Last week I said to Rich on the deck, "Why do I have so few friends? I just can't relate to most people and feel uncomfortable."
And he said, "Because people suck."
And yeah, my entire adult life I've operated with the mantra that people do suck. Individuals surprise me all the time. But in general I'm socially retarded. I've never been comfortable meeting new people or going to parties with a large attendance. I always feel like I'm faking it. And I know people can tell.
I have very few close friends who know a great deal about me. And I'm not comfortable with superficial friendships. I never have been. I'm almost at 120 on my Facebook friends list, and I think I can count on one hand how many people on there I would call if my shit hit the fan. I'm sure more than that would be happy to help, but I'm not comfortable letting too many people into my business.
I've only had one long-term relationship with a guy who wasn't anti-social too. And I married him. We got divorced.
It's been tough having a toddler and not being comfortable in the company of others. Most of the moms I've met I haven't been able to relate to at all. I don't know if it's a lack of shared life experiences or what. I recently found two moms who can get me. One was Livvie's developmental therapist. The other is the office manager at her preschool. I'd say both of them are as screwy as I am. In the best way possible of course. And both of them are blunt, no bullshit women who I would describe as broads.
Maybe that's the issue. There's a decided lack of broads these days.
There's something decidedly refreshing about tossing a Starlight mint to a chick so she can go pick up her kid from preschool without reeking of the beer she just slammed with you in your kitchen. Or knowing that I can casually drop the F or C words in front of them and not risk horror. It's hard to find that in a person.
I remember back in 1999 I interviewed a broad for a job at Borders, and during our lengthy conversation I realized I had found The One. No pressure, Xris. When I was talking to her I sensed deep down that A.) we'd get along fabulously, and B.) she was No Bullshit. I was tired of bullshit.
As of this month I will have called her my friend for 10 years. This is the longest friendship I have ever had. There has been no drama. If I act like an ass she calls me an ass. I do the same.
Maybe if there were more chicks like this I'd have more friends.