I was adamant about having a small "wedding." The wedding was not nearly as important to me as marriage itself is. I had been screwed royally by my ex, and if I was going to do this again I wanted it to last. I even distinctly remember when Rich and I started seeing each other that I said I had no interest in ever marrying again and he agreed. Apparently though, according to his mother, shortly after we began seeing each other he told her he wanted to marry me. Everybody say, "Awwwww."
Right now it seems like I'm getting bombarded with failing marriages.
There are multiple reasons these marriages are failing, but I would say that the deep down reason is lack of proper love. I remember when I asked the ex for a divorce he said, "Don't you love me anymore?" and I said, "That isn't enough." And I did love him on some level, but not in the right way. I know that in a marriage there are times when you're "in love," and times when you are not. But at its heart, the love you have for your spouse should surpass the type of love you have for your friends. And mine did not.
Rich and I have had our share of issues, almost from the very beginning. It didn't help that he married a crazy-woman. In the beginning he thought my lunacy was endearing I think. But it gets old rather fast. And I managed to marry a man who will flat out tell me when I'm being a complete moron. And it happens often. One has a tendency to try things that have worked in the past, and I've tried my special brand of bullshit on him on more than one occasion. He doesn't let me. He's blunt and to the point, and while I get absolutely furious at being called ridiculous and accused of not making sense, after I storm off to cry I realize he was right.
We have never not hugged and kissed after a fight.
I'm not saying we haven't gone to bed mad. Because we have. But even when that happens we make sure to kiss goodnight. And THEN turn our backs on each other until the morning when everything looks different, the anger has passed, and half asleep one of us will reach out and put a hand on the other.
We also never call each other names angry. We call each other plenty of names in jest. But except for once, very recently, I have never insulted him in anger. This matters.
I consider us very lucky these days. We're still crazy about each other. It's been 5 years. Universe willing we will still be crazy about each other in 40 more. So I sit here and look at my husband, who is an amazing Daddy, the best provider he can be in this recession, and a fantastic life partner.
And I think I'll make him a lasagna.