I have lost every modicum of spirituality I ever had, and I'm a selfish white chick who was raised Catholic who really likes to eat cows.
But there's this God in the Hindu pantheon who likes to give me a nudge now and again. It's annoying sometimes. But it always works out for the best. Dammit.
I generally operate under the opinion that people who say they talk to God are crazy or dangerous or both. And I still believe that folks who claim to have full on conversations with him in English are batshit demented. I'm not talking about prayer. I'm talking about, "Oh, you say all gays are damned to hell so I should assist them on their way by blowing up this nightclub? Done."
The first time I ever heard of Shiva I was about 9 years old and reading my first Destroyer novel. The main character is believed by another major character to be an avatar of Shiva. So I looked him up, because even then I was a hopeless info-nut and since Google didn't exist I had to go to the library. Turns out this guy Shiva is believed by many to be the supreme and one of a trinity. He's not one to fuck with. "In the Mahabharata, Shiva is depicted as 'the standard of invincibility, might, and terror,' as well as a figure of honor, delight, and brilliance." I think he might be Bipolar.
Many years ago I found myself burning myself constantly. Every time I turned around I was burning myself in the oven, on the stove, with steam, pretty much anyway one can. And then one night I had a dream that I was in bed with Shiva and his wife walked in and said, essentially, "Who is this bitch?" I was terrified, and he basically told me that I knew what I had to do.
So I overhauled my life. Out with the crap. I embarked on a new me. I met Rich and married him and had Livvie. I eliminated a lot of the bullshit that had been tying me down. Shiva creates from destruction. So I would too. Things went pretty well.
Lately he's been popping up again. I'm not burning myself, but I've been in serious pain for almost a year now in one way or another. It's an attention getter for sure. And then recently I've been seeing his name everywhere. In an effort to avoid another nocturnal altercation with Parvati I'm listening now, before things progress.
The irony of being someone who no longer believes in God and yet is taking to heart headbutts from the divine is not lost on me. It's aggravating. But then, none of this began this time until after I had settled in my heart that we are truly alone.
So I'm about to start a new journey. I don't know where it will lead. But I'll keep you abreast of all developments.