Monday, November 23, 2009

Cheese and Cheese?

For some reason Livvie refers to the yellow cheese singles as, "cheese and cheese." All other cheese is simply cheese.

I am a sucker for the cheese moments in movies. I don't necessarily mean the crappy dialogue moments that some people fall for, like, "You had me at 'hello,'" or other such nonsense. I mean those overtly manipulative moments in movies, usually "guy" movies even, where it's completely intentional on the part of the filmmaker. At least I think it's intentional. Regardless, I fall for almost all of them.

I was thinking of this in the middle of the night last night while I was lying on the sofa in the dark feeding Jonas. I had left TNT on when I fell asleep, because in the morning I can wake up for good to Angel, and that's a pretty nice way to wake up. So I was fuzzily staring at the TV screen, and they were showing The Patriot for the 5,932nd time, a movie I own by the way because I'm such a sucker for this crap, and I looked just in time to see one of the cheesiest, most manipulative moments in cinematic history. The men are retreating and the French militia guy points that out to Mel Gibson's character. Mel says, "Oh fuck that. Nuh uh," grabs the flag from some hapless dude, and charges back in the other direction to rally the men to fight again.

I fell for it again. I choked up like I was watching a Hallmark commercial from the 80s. Or that freaking Folgers Christmas commercial they still run with the little girl seeing her brother in front of the tree after he's come home as a surprise. Where was I? Oh. EVERY TIME I see one of those on my list of favorite cheese moments I come apart. Mel Gibson is a prime culprit in this, as every time I watch Braveheart I lose it completely at the end when he yells, "FREEEEEEEEDOMMMMMM!" with his last breath, and the King of England has to take that sound with him to the grave.

Every single time.

I know better. I really do. It's even sadder when I know it's coming because I've seen the film before, but I get all teary anyway. My all time worst was not, to my knowledge, crafted in any nefarious fashion. I am very sure that Tolkien was writing from his heart. The filmmakers had to keep it. They really did. If they hadn't, fanboys (and fangirls) everywhere would have lost their bleeding minds. Without fail, whenever I watch Return of the King and Sam lifts Frodo to carry him up the mountain I come apart at the seams. I can't help it. The first time I saw it, in the theater, I have to admit that I (and many other folks in the theater) softly chanted, "Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!"

Yeah, that scene from that flick gets me too.

Of course, the matter is not helped when I happen to be hormonal, as I am right now. At least dudes don't have to put up with their emotions about films being at the whim of a calendar cycle. At least I don't think they do. Since last night I've been trying to figure out if I'm a sucker for any of the gratuitous moments in chick flicks, and I can't think of a single one.

But I sob every time the dude in Volcano dies while saving the folks from the subway car.

So. What are yours? I know you have them. Dish.


HeatherGroves said...

My rallying cheestastic moment is from the movie Independence Day:

President Thomas Whitmore: "Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night!" We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!"

I also get choked up after the alien ships posted around the world are shown crashing and burning while various native and ethnic groups cheer (I always find some disturbing sort of message that only America can keep the world safe symbolism in the scene, but darn if I don't tear up).

HeatherGroves said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
HeatherGroves said...

Removed previous post to correct typo:

Another one of those moments is the scene between Kirk and Spock where he is about to die and says "I was and always will be your friend" or something to that effect. Cheesy goodness with a side of cheese.

Julie said...

If we're talking Star Trek, in Undiscovered Country when Sulu yells, "Target that explosion and FIRE!!!!" I get all wonky too.

sara said...

almost every part of Dances with Wolves. really. *hangs head in shame*

oh, and when leia tells han "i love you" and he says, "i know".

jennyquarx said...

This post is creepy.

We were just talking about this. We watched Up, a total sobfest, and Meet the Robinsons on Saturday. I can't watch movies designed to make you cry because I cry at every movie. EVERY movie. I cried at Terminator 2, at the end, in front of about a billion 19 year old guys. Awesome. I also cry every single time Armageddon is on (which is like, every other day) even though I know what's going to happen (you'd think I'd be over it by now).

Oh, and "What beats lava?" "My dad."

Jinxed said...

I tend not to cry at "girlie movies" My sisters and I watched The Notebook together. They were balling like babies and I didn't shed a single tear, (they said I have a heart made of ice) but Armageddon get me everytime. The other thing that gets me everytime is the TV series ER. When Dr Green dies with the song Somewhere over the Rainbow playing. I've seen it a half dozen times and cry everytime. Snow Dogs, when the dogs are in danger or die. I Am Legend when he had to kill his dog. I sobbed in the theatre.

Chuck said...

Listen, I can't lie, I was really hoping this post was just about cheese. Because, goddamn, I love cheese.

As for me, I get weepy at all kinds of shit. Star Wars, Braveheart, Up, Buffy. I'm a big weepy goon.

-- c.

Stacia said...

Braveheart definitely gets me too!!! I have never watched The Patriot...
Breakfast at Tiffany's... at the end when she throws "Cat" out of the cab and then she goes and finds him in the rain (I guess that's a girl movie anyway).
Glory gets me bad! I definitely never got misty or weepy over Jerry Maquire... I felt like the only one, but it didn't do anything for me.

Julie said...

Sara- Dances with Wolves is THE WORST for this crap. The biggest manipulation flick ever. And I saw it 3 times in the theater.

Jen- You know I cry at the end of Terminator 2 as well. Can't help it. Bastard Arnold pushing that frigging button. Wanker.

Jinxed- I still haven't seen I Am Legend, and now I'll know to leave the room. I can't handle dogs dying in films. It used to be a cardinal rule that you couldn't kill the dog. Now everyone does it. Evil.

Chuck- what in Buffy makes you cry? I cry over Tara.

Stacia- My ex forced me to sit through Jerry Maguire. He was a big Tom Cruise fan. He owned Top Gun and Cocktail and Far and Away on VHS. I wanted to barf. Last night on ET or Inside Edition or something they were talking about a bull incident on the set of his new movie in Spain and I said, "Well of course he couldn't prevent it. He's a bucktoothed midget." Rich said, "You know he had nothing to do with it. You simply can't not get a crack in on him, can you?"

HeatherGroves said...

Please tell me the "ex" you are referring to is not my cousin. Tom Cruise, really? Gross.

Julie said...

Oh how I wish I could comply, my dear.

HeatherGroves said...

Because forcing anyone to watch a Tom Cruise movie IMO is grounds for divorce. No, seriously. My husband and I nearly got into it when he tried to force me to watch Borat. (YMMV :)

HeatherGroves said...

Which isn't a TC vehicle, but same idea for me.

Cyn said...

You eat fake cheese singles? Ewww yuck. I guess I am a cheese snob. Goes with my rich bitch lifestyle.

I get teary eyed at most dramatic scenes.I try not to cry, I mean I knew what was going to happen. Still I am a sap. Even Titanic makes me cry, every damn time. Or the end of The Abyss when they get together. How about The Sum of All Fears. Right after the bomb goes off, all that silence gets to me. LotR of course, who could NOT cry?

sara said...

oh, ET- i forgot about that, i cry through the whole movie...