Wednesday, November 04, 2009

I have a growing suspicion...

That I know exactly what's going on here, folks.

If you'll take your mouse and click on your scroll bar and zip yourselves alllllll the way down to the bottom of this page you'll see a little box that says SiteMeter. Go ahead. Click it. Get a good look.

I know exactly where all of you are. Move your mouse over to "Location" and you'll see that I can even see your desktop from here. Close that window full of Furries. Your mom is looking.

Kidding. Only Rich can do that. But are you wigged out yet? I am. Here's why. Along with viewing your location and which OS you're running and how many pistachio shells are currently next to your keyboard I can view exactly what brought you here. Do you love and know me and have me bookmarked? Did you click my link on Facebook? Did someone email to you the link to one of my entries? Or was it a random Google drive by? A few weeks ago I mentioned that the number one googled phrase that lands people here is "What a size _____ looks like." Google leads them to this entry. I updated all of you on the fact that I was unfortunately no longer a size 10 as my stress and lack of opportunity to eat much are whittling me away to a pencil.

So everyday at least once I click on SiteMeter and check out where all of you are coming from. I'm nosy. What the fuck can I say? I love to see the geographical locations of everyone and play guessing games about who is whom. It's fun, and I'm lame and I have no life. Shut it.

Since I opened my blog to the public again my hits have exploded with versions of that search. Sometimes it's simply "Size 10." I'll let you know right now that It's a bit disturbing to me that those mere words will bring you right here. My ass has apparently gone global. Mexico. Hungary. Someone in Australia today wanted to know what "a size 10a breast looks like," and landed right here. When I saw that it clicked, and I remembered this comment someone had been courteous enough to post:

Anonymous said...
I'm feeling a little guilty here.
I actually did a Google search that said " what is a size 10".
This nice girl I met online said she was a size 10 and I had no clue what a size 10 looked like.
After seeing your bum I think I'll propose.
Great post....and great bum.

This is all of you, isn't it. All y'all are ending up here because you've been trolling for chicks online and having met one who gives you her stats you feel the need to check up on what that might look like. I applaud the fact that you all seem to have the presence of mind not to approach your female acquaintances and ask them what size they wear to find an example. I do want to provide an answer, though, to the dude who googled, "What does a size 2 look like." One word. Ghastly.

In an effort to assist you all I'm going to present you with this primer on what certain sizes CAN look like. Your mileage may vary.

Marilyn Monroe - Size 16

Emme Aronson - Size 14

Lizzie Miller - Size 12

Whitney - Size 10

Cindy Crawford - Size 8

Jennifer Lopez - Size 6

I refuse to post sizes 0-4. If you're trying to figure that out, go to the news stand and pick up a chick rag. Or you could, you know, ask the chick you're trying to hook up with for a photo. 


(Except Mr. Anonymous who took the time to write...)


Cyn said...

I watched a program on Discovery channel years ago that what we consider sexy in women is always an hourglass shape, no matter what the size. It is about the proportions. Which brings me to my chief complaint, I feel fat because I have no hips. I am a size six but do not have JLo's abs.Could be because I would rather eat Pastries rather than do sit ups, but who could solve that mystery. As a result my tummy sticks out past my hips (or lack there of).

Julie said...

Girl, I've seen pics, and you don't look fat.

Given that assumption made by the scientific community one would wonder how all of the swizzle stick models have employment.

The only hips I see on them are the bones thrusting forward. What boobs? Oh, the ones they bought? Yeah. Whatever.

squirrelgirl said...

OMG! You discovered my secret...I've been trolling for chicks. LOL! Did you see that recent, poorly Photoshopped, pic of the Ralph Lauren model who was fired for being too fat? Disgusting.

Chuck said...

I am terrified, as I have a handful of pistachio shells next to my keyboard.

jennyquarx said...

You're funny. Now you're going to get 52.8 million more hits.

Anonymous said...

I've always been a fan of plus-size models! There's a great site with many images of plus-size models here:

They're all gorgeous.

The site's forum also has thought-provoking discussions about body image and the media.