Dear Disney Channel

Do me a favor, ok? When you play back to back episodes of Little Einsteins, try to avoid playing the same music in each episode. Yesterday you did back to back episodes with the William Tell Overture as the featured music. While I get that you considered this a "theme," I need to let you know that I did NOT intend to have that piece of music stuck in my head, and now I have in my head, "get the pigs get the pigs get the pig pig pigs" etc and I am not a happy camper.

Now I command you to RAISE YOUR HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEADS AND SHAKE YOUR WHOLE BODY!!!!



That is all.

Poison Ivy

Not the song by The Coasters, and not the super cool chick in the Batman comics.

I spent my entire overnight last night scratching my hands. I couldn't stop. I had no idea what was going on. Then the brilliant rays of the morning sun fell across my fingers and I saw blisters. Many, many blisters, all over both hands, but especially on the sides of my fingers and palms. It looked like poison ivy, but where the hell would I have gotten it? My plants are potted on the back and front decks. I don't go into the weeds at all. But wait! The dogs do. So I was playing the old game of Blame the Dog when Rich pointed out that I had been mulching said potted plants yesterday and it might be an allergic reaction to something in the mulch. Duh. I came inside and googled "Mulch Skin Reaction," and you know what? APPARENTLY POISON IVY FINDS ITS WAY INTO MULCH. Alllllll over Google are people who have gotten poison ivy from pine mulch. So this is my public service announcement for the week. If you're gonna mulch, wear gloves.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poison_ivy

Tiptoe through Your Own Damned Tulips

I think this sucks. My kid is napping, finally, and I have to be quieter than a mouse. I say quieter because dammit, I've had mice as pets and they are most certainly NOT quiet. Especially if you don't use olive oil on their frigging wheel.

Every night she falls asleep between 7:30 and 9. This has put a serious crimp in TV watching. Rich goes into the bedroom and watches with sound. I watch via lip-reading and DVR what's important. Turns out not much is. I've discovered that I'm primarily DVRing and saving The Wiggles and Higglytown Heroes on Disney so that at any time of day I can play Playhouse Disney for my kid and calm her down. My stuff? Never gets watched, ends up being erased, and I don't care. This is good, because all of my shows have either had or are having season finales and I won't have to give a shit all summer. It'll be interesting to see if I go back to anything save Bones, Idol, and House.

Back to being quiet. I can't even flush the damn toilet without it waking her up. I have to time potty trips for when she's awake or there will be no flushing, which given my OCD tendencies drives me bugshit. Coughing? Forget it. I have to run outside and cough and make sure the door doesn't close loudly.

Know what I really don't get about all of this? She can fall asleep in the white hot light of a super Walmart and sleep the entire time with a shopping cart with a rattley, shaky wheel, and she can't sleep at home.

Ralph's World

Another short on the Disney Channel is Ralph's World. Ralph used to be in a band called The Bad Examples in Chi-Town, and I have never heard of them. I do know that Livvie loves Ralph, so I do too. Our current favorite song is "At the Bottom of the Sea." However, I downloaded good ol' Ralph today and found THIS gem:

The Coffee Song

(Ralph Covert - Waterdog Music / © 2002 ASCAP)

M-O-M-M-Y needs C-O-F-F-E-E
D-A-D-D-Y needs C-O-F-F-E-E

I love my kid... I love my kid
Gosh, I really love my kid
But I need what I need, and I need a lot of what I need
C-O-F-F-E-E

M-O-M-M-Y needs C-O-F-F-E-E
D-A-D-D-Y needs C-O-F-F-E-E

I want a latte, a cappuccino
And tonight I think I’ll have a little vino

M-O-M-M-Y needs C-O-F-F-E-E
D-A-D-D-Y needs C-O-F-F-E-E

I think I love this man. He GETS it.

I'm going to scream

And believe you me, I know how.

I'm on a cocktail of Lamictal (a mood stabilizer/anti-convulsant) and Abilify (an atypical anti-psychotic) to treat my Bipolar disorder. I'm currently getting samples because my faboo doc believes that one should never pay for meds until positive they will help. Good for her. Let's give a shout out to good old Melvania.

So today I priced my meds on the internet. I have no frigging clue what we're going to do. My Lamictal is about $100 a month. Okay, not gawdawful. Bad, but not twitch inducing bad. The Abilify is $500+ per month. Insurance will not cover either of these meds. So let's talk about the insurance companies and the pharmaceutical companies.

First, the pharm companies. I understand how much R&D goes into each drug. I also know that it's subsidized with our tax money. So we're paying twice.

Insurance. SOMEFUCKINGBODY needs to explain to me why an insurance company would rather deny preventive care when they could end up with a certified crazy person such as myself hospitalized long-term and having to pay for the costs associated with that. I shit you not, I could hurt someone. Truthfully. The disease I have is hallmarked by self-destruction and violent behavior. I've never had a full psychotic break, but that's been through the grace of everything holy. I have NOT been a compliant patient prior to the birth of my child, and many people and relationships have paid for this. Speaking of, let's also give a shout out to Xris and my husband, who have REALLY been patient with me.

I'm absolutely furious.

Something Bugs Me

These are the lyrics for Charlie on the MTA, a song by the Kingston Trio, which musically is a very cool song. However, my whole life something has bugged me about this song.

Spoken:
These are the times that try men's souls. In the course of our nation's history, the people of Boston have rallied bravely whenever the rights of men have been threatened. Today, a new crisis has arisen. The Metropolitan Transit Authority, better known as the M.T.A., is attempting to levy a burdensome tax on the population in the form of a subway fare increase. Citizens, hear me out! This could happen to you!

SONG BEGINS

Well, let me tell you of the story of a man named Charlie
on a tragic and fateful day.
He put ten cents in his pocket, kissed his wife and family,
went to ride on the M.T.A.

Chorus:
Well, did he ever return? No, he never returned and
his fate is still unknown.
(What a pity! Poor ole Charlie. Shame and scandal.
He may ride forever. Just like Paul Revere.)
He may ride forever 'neath the streets of Boston.
He's the man who never returned.

Charlie handed in his dime at the Kendall Square Station
and he changed for Jamaica Plain.
When he got there the conductor told him, "One more nickel."
Charlie couldn't get off of that train.
(Chorus)
Now, all night long Charlie rides through the station,
crying, "What will become of me?!!
How can I afford to see my sister in Chelsea
or my cousin in Roxbury?"
(Chorus)
Charlie's wife goes down to the Sculley Square Station
every day at quarter past two,
And through the open window she hands Charlie a sandwich
as the train comes rumblin' through.
(Chorus)
Now, you citizens of Boston, don't you think it's a scandal
how the people have to pay and pay?
Fight the fare increase! Vote for George O'Brien!
Get poor Charlie off the M. T. A.
(Chorus)
He's the man who never returned.
He's the man who never returned.
Ain't you Charlie?

OK. WHY THE HELL DOESN'T HIS WIFE HAND HIM A NICKEL WITH HIS EFFING SANDWICH??????

That is all.

Wonder Tube is Dead

Long Live Wonder Tube.


Yesterday afternoon a wicked storm came through and a bolt of lightning hit the transformer in our driveway. When it did, a surge of power electrified the house and then everything went black. We were without power until 11:45pm when the wonderful men from Progress Energy finished fixing the transformer. They are my new heroes, as 8 hours of no power with a young baby is just about more than any sane person can take.

When the power came back I attempted to turn on the TV. Nope. Nada. Zilch. Zip. The Big Donut Hole.

I tried every outlet on the surge suppressor. I tried the wall itself. Nope.

Everything else plugged in right there is fine.

Rich is hoping it's a fuse inside the TV. So am I. It sounds stupid, but that TV was one of very few things that came with me when I got divorced. I received almost nothing. I've had it for 7 years, and loved her. She was beautiful. Football was ENORMOUS on that screen. Rich loved her too.

So RIP to my boon companion of my 30s. We enjoyed many a L&O together.

UPDATE:

Battle scarred, yes. But still alive. The surge blew her fuse, which we replaced. There are some dead pixels in her corners, but she's still watchable. If the pixels spread, well..... But for now, it's all good.

Tiny waistlines

Ok, so I'm watching the Disney channel, again, with the sound off and I have ZERO clue what show this is but the chicks in this animated debacle have the fabled "wasp waists." What up wit dat? OH OH! No wait, the nerdy chick group has straight as a plank figures. Apparently they are in high school or somesuch, and what I'm discerning is that the cool chicks have Barbie bods and the losers have Skipper bods. Remember Skipper? She was way too tall for a 10 year old.

Anyway, I've decided that I'm going to review the shorts they play on the Disney channel. No one asked me to, I don't make money off it, but I need to get my biased opinions out somehow so here goes:

Emily Yeung--
Emily is a spot that lasts maybe 3 full minutes. Tomorrow I'll time it. In her spots, Emily, who appears to be 8 or 9, learns lots of things by going on mini field trips. Today she went to a pioneer village and learned how to make bread. Emily is VERY precocious, and asked a lot of adult questions that I'm certain were NOT on flash cards behind the camera. She made whole wheat bread, and pioneer chick made white. They baked together in perfect harmony. Emily also got to meet an elderly Clydesdale who I'm certain was NOT being put to use pulling plows being that he was only one of two horses in the "pioneer village."

I actually really dig these shorts because Emily gives me hope that my super nerdy to be kid won't necessarily get the tar beaten out of her, and in fact might end up being seen every morning on some channel like Discovery Kids.

Redneck Pool Filling

Sleep

Ok, all of you are probably aware that we (meaning me and the child, not DH) are not sleeping. This has gone WAY beyond the time when one expects to not be sleeping with a "newborn." I mean honestly, the kid is practically playing field hockey already.

So she's been waking up every 1/2 hour recently. By recently I mean the prior four nights to last night. Last night I gave up. I rocked her to sleep and was holding her. I needed to scratch my itchy tick bites. I made to scratch. SHRIEK. Ok, fine. I'll sit here in misery, hoping this colossal itch doesn't indicate that the baby tick injected puppy serum into my abdomen and giant wolf hound babies are getting ready to erupt.

She finally got to sleep and I moved her into her travel crib. I went to bed 15 minutes later on the sofa. 2 hours later the fiend awakened. I got her, rocked her back to sleep, put her back in her travel crib. Went back to bed on the sofa after eating a yogurt because that rocking back to sleep? Took ONE FUCKING HOUR.

3 hours later she woke again. Got her out, rocked her back to sleep. Put her back in her travel crib. Went back to sleep on the sofa.

2 hours later, again. By this time it was after 6am and I figured WTF and got up and made coffee. I walked over, handed her the bottle in her crib, and by God went and made coffee and took the dogs out. I walked back into the house to find her lying on her side, drinking formula, watching the Disney channel. And lest anyone imagine otherwise, no, I turned the TV on for her before I walked away. She's only managed to chew on the remote and switch the language to French so far.

I'm back!!!!

So for over a week Safari wouldn't recognize the web address for me to update my blog here. Whatever. It's working now, and so far this is my only bad experience as a Mac owner. I'll take it.

I got bitten by a tick this past week; we bought an inflatable pool that's supposed to be 15x3 ft, but currently due to a sloping yard is only maybe 13x2 ft. Being rednecks in training, in order to keep the pool upright we wedged the lawn mower handle under one side to keep the water in.

OH!!!!! We have DVR now. This is VERY exciting. I actually got to see most of LOST yesterday evening. Until the Diva started shrieking. We'll finish the episode tonight.

What else?

Let's see, I went shopping last weekend with Xris and her cousin Taylor. For makeup. I have no money. I was manic. So I spent Xris's money for her. Let me tell you, for a manic depressive, spending someone else's money is just as good, and in a way I'll get to enjoy the fruit of the shopping spree because I'll get to watch Xris enjoying it. That's a perk. I had a BLAST chucking stuff at her to buy, but alas I couldn't talk her into the $90 Steve Madden Richh pumps just yet. I did spend time froogling them yesterday and found them on sale from $75-$80 in various online locations, and I think she needs them. Yesterday even. I mean, LOOK at them! How hot are those???? EVERY woman needs a hot pair of peeptoe pumps.