Friday, January 30, 2009

I do still love you

And I always will.

I spent agonizing moments thinking, "how did it come to this?" but I think I really know. And as much as it sucks, as unfair as that is, I can understand it.

I think even a year ago you would have waited to hear my side of things before acting. 

I think we both know what happened to change that.

And that's ok too. Although my willingness to trust has just had a pan of boiling water poured over it, I do think I understand what happened.

All I ever wanted for you was exactly what you want most. If that ever comes to pass I'm sure I'll hear it through the grapevine. And that will be one of the happiest days of my life.

At first I thought that all of the emotions I'd invested over the past three years since we "met" were wasted. But I know that's not true. Your influence has shaded my life. There are parts of you I will always carry with me. I thought I missed you terribly over the past several months. That's been nothing compared to how bad it will be going forward.

I'm not going to say I'll get over it, because I won't. I will try to put it in the past and learn from it. 

So please take care of yourself and keep working toward your goal.

I do still love you.

5 comments:

Annie said...

I think I know who this is for and I feel sad that you are not friends anymore, and I know why too and that is even sadder. Many hugs Julie.

catherine said...

!ig warm hug for you Julie, I feel the heartbreak in your letter and understand it. All beautifully put, the nuanced troubles of a situation like this. My thoughts are with you.

catherine said...

Yeah, so that was supposed to be capital B, not an exclamation point x-( Ah, the perils of typing on a BlackBerry.

Me said...

*hugs*

LizB said...

If this is for whom I think it's for, it makes me sad too. I miss her. Either way, I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling. Hope all else is well.