Sunday, June 22, 2008

I am an IDIOT

I never picked up my Abilify yesterday because I figured I needed Rich's car since mine has been acting up (pulling hard to the left at stops, burning smell, lack of acceleration). Hence I am out of Abilify today. I ended up taking a Seroquel this morning just to head off any mania that might occur. I don't know if one missed dosage can lead to problems or not, but I do know I won't take that chance.

Why I'm an idiot? Well, it because I knew I wouldn't be able to go out for it again today, and instead of taking the Seroquel last night I took it this morning. I'm now so sleepy I could just about fall asleep here at the computer. It sucks. My head is also now pounding because Seroquel can cause headaches. It's just lovely.

Meanwhile, I haven't been manic in quite awhile, but I'm certainly depressed today. My friend Dagny was having IVF done, and the one egg that managed to become fertilized has now died. Effectively she's had a miscarriage. Considering that she had no plans to ever try this route again, this might have been her one and only shot. It's awful, I'm pissed at the world, and there's nothing I can do to help. Not at all. I can't even imagine what she's going through. My 3 miscarriages occurred when I didn't even know I was pregnant. There was nothing to grieve, no loss felt. Only a very heavy and extended period that took forever to go away. And the doctors telling me that a baby might have been had.

In retrospect I am thankful for those, because I was not in the correct relationships at the times to even consider a child, so I have no idea how to deal with Dagny's loss. I can be supportive and love her, as I try to do anyway, but nothing I can say or do will feel anything except trite.

Please send a prayer or positive thoughts for Dagny today. I want her to feel better about herself. I want her to know that this situation is not in fact the end of the world. And I want her to know how many people love her.

Thank you.


Em said...

Infertility and pregnancy loss are tough to deal with... I wish her well.

I hope you get the right meds soon!

Annie said...

Oh, dagny, I am so sorry. I know how much hope you had and how awful you must feel, I am sending
bunches of love. You gave it a good shot. Please don't give up.
I've missed you. OXOXOX
Julie, I hope you get your meds soon!

Cyn said...

Said a prayer for your friend.

Get those meds soon so you do not have to be sleepy with headaches during the day.

LizB said...

Sending loving thoughts to Dagny, and to you. Get your meds, soon!