Sigh

My truck is dead.

I went to start it this morning to go to the pharmacy, and when I started it the RPMs wouldn't go above the 1. The truck was shuddering hard, and there was a smell of gasoline. I tried to put it in gear and back it up and it stalled.

I tried twice.

It's not out of gas. There's a half a tank in there. All I know is that it's going to have to be towed ($$) to the service station and that we can't afford to have it fixed.

I only owe $2100 on it, so if the repair doesn't cost too much I think it's time to sell it. Even with the dents I think I could get $4000 for it and put the $1900 toward a new car. I don't want a new car. I love my truck. I don't want to part with it.

But I think it's time.

For the past year I've had nothing but problems with it. It's 9 years old, so I guess I should expect that, but I wasn't ready for it. If I had been smart I would have created a savings account to store money in for emergencies such as this, but I wasn't that smart. Plus, all of my money every month goes to drugs, bills, and pet food.

I don't know what to do here. I'm at a loss.

Disclaimer

My BFF has challenged me to come up with a list of disclaimers about myself. So here it goes.

I use the C word a lot. You know, the one that rhymes with "punt?" That's the one. I use it descriptively, as in "You stupid C! Get your ass off the road and put down that F'ing cell phone!"

I also use the F word a lot.

I'm completely OCD. Not as bad as Monk, but I have my issues. I count everything. I count how many times I shake Livvie's formula bottles (2 sets of 20), I count how many seconds it takes my dogs to pee (Ginny averages 8. Emma averages 12). I have a specific order in which I select my eggs out of the carton. Oh, and I absolutely, positively cannot stand paper on the floor. If this drives you nuts, you shouldn't hang around me. BFF has learned to make use of it for her own nefarious purposes.

I'm not well schooled but I'm exceptionally intelligent and have an insane memory for the ridiculous. I can play along with Cash Cab on the Discovery channel, and during one episode I "won" about $1500. The information I spewed out at the television was worthless for anything but a game show, but it was there. Don't challenge me to Trivial Pursuit. Especially the History section. I'll beat your ass. I also have the ability to rack up the funds watching Jeopardy. Oh, and Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader. Turns out I am.

I'm closed minded when it comes to a lot of things, which is something I'm working on. I have specific opinions that are hard to get rid of, and usually there are no shades of gray. If THIS bothers you, you are more than welcome to call me on it. Generally the only way I can change my opinion is for someone to give me a well thought out argument and make their case in an intelligent fashion. It CAN happen. But rarely do most people even try. They just label me stubborn and move on. Pity.

If I'm reading anything, anything at all, I'll tune out everything else, including any conversation someone is attempting to have with me. I can read the back of a cereal box and not hear a word you're saying. My mom used to go crazy over this. This is not something I've been able to change. Live with it.

I feel that hanging out with The Kid is far more important than house work. Hence I don't truly clean unless Rich is home and can occupy her time. If you stop by unannounced you will likely see tumbleweeds of dog hair blowing across the kitchen floor and notice that I couldn't even be bothered with hanging the toilet paper on the wall. You'll also see piles of paperwork on the kitchen table and notice that I haven't wiped down the counter yet. 

Oh, and don't stop by unannounced. I'll be stony and practically silent the entire time. I might not even answer the door.

I am exceptionally grumpy prior to my morning cup of coffee, so if you attempt to engage me in conversation in any way you'll likely get short, curt answers that might hurt your feelings. Don't take it personally. It has nothing to do with you. If you manage to catch me after said cup of coffee you'll find a much more pleasant person. Try to contact me after 8am.

I'm fiercely attached to my friends, but I don't have any casual friends. That makes no sense to me. I know that people have them and get a lot out of them, such as camaraderie and fun times out, but I'd rather stay at home unless there's an opportunity to go out with BFF. I talk to Jmac almost every day on the phone or via IM. I IM with Nina every day. If either of them appeared at my door (after calling first of course), I'd hang out with them in a heartbeat. If people I used to work with wanted to go out, I'd be tempted to not go. It's just how I roll.

Although I HAVE made friends at work, I don't go to work to make friends. This has bothered many coworkers who would attempt to engage me in their personal dramas and get me to become involved with their lives. I just don't care. I couldn't tell you what most of their boyfriends names were. I couldn't tell you what their college majors were. I couldn't even tell you if their parents were still together or even alive. I just didn't care.

That's about it for now. Consider all of you tagged to do the same. :)

Have a great Thursday everyone.

I Am The Night

I loved Batman as a child, but I didn't develop a full on love affair with him until I was in my early 20s, and Batman The Animated Series started on the Fox network.

I could identify with Batman. He lost his parents at a young age, I lost my father at a young age, and it turned us both dark and broody. 

I had vigilante leanings, in my heart at least, and he became a true vigilante, ridding Gotham of bad guys on a regular basis.

I got a job at the Warner Brothers Studio Store when I was at my height of Batman love, and I was totally enraptured when I saw the animation cel that you view at the left. It totally captured the feelings I had on a regular basis at the time. My rage, my hopelessness, my absolute despair.

I bought it. For $500. I got an employee discount on it, but it didn't take THAT much money off of it. My mom totally wigged on me. I told her it was an investment, but that was a crock. I would never part with it.

It currently hangs on the wall in Livvie's room, along with a cel of the Joker using a hand puppet in the Christmas episode. THAT cel makes me laugh out loud every time I look at it. It's a wonderful piece of art, but it's not the same as the Batman cel that I lost my heart to.

I then went on a comic book kick, buying every Batman that came out weekly, and I had a standing subscription at the local comic shop. The boys who ran the store developed a deep love for me, and they even bought my weekly subscription for me as a going away present when I moved down to NC. They were nice guys. They also used to give me back issues at their discount, so that was helpful in working on my collection.

Batman The Animated Series became Batman and Robin to appeal to the younger set, and it was never the same after that. I used to think that the original animated series should have seriously come with a parental warning, as it was a very dark program. Batman never killed, but the bad guys did. The Joker did. It was a blow to me when they revamped it. I stopped watching.

I hated the movies that came out. I hated the casting, I hated the costumes. I hated everything about them, and by the time they got to casting Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl I was pretty sure I'd never see another Batman film again.

Then came Christian Bale. And Batman Begins. I fell in love again. HERE was a Batman who was real and true to the character. He had the rage. He had the disappointment. He had the feelings of hopelessness, even though he persevered. I am waiting desperately on the new Batman movie that's coming out this summer, as it's based on one of the darkest and most dreary comic story lines of all time. Yes, the Darkness still appeals to me. I'm no longer filled with the same rage, I don't have the same amount of disappointment at life, but I do still have the dark side.

I am the night.

Your Animaniacs Song of the Day

Yakko's Universe:

Everybody lives on a street in a city
Or a village or a town for what it's worth.
And they're all inside a country which is part of a continent
That sits upon a planet known as Earth.
And the Earth is a ball full of oceans and some mountains
Which is out there spinning silently in space.
And living on that Earth are the plants and the animals
And also the entire human race.

It's a great big universe
And we're all really puny
We're just tiny little specks
About the size of Mickey Rooney.
It's big and black and inky
And we are small and dinky
It's a big universe and we're not.

And we're part of a vast interplanetary system
Stretching seven hundred billion miles long.
With nine planets and a sun; we think the Earth's the only one
That has life on it, although we could be wrong.
Across the interstellar voids are a billion asteroids
Including meteors and Halley's Comet too.
And there's over fifty moons floating out there like balloons
In a panoramic trillion-mile view.

And still it's all a speck amid a hundred billion stars
In a galaxy we call the Milky Way.
It's sixty thousand trillion miles from one end to the other
And still that's just a fraction of the way.
'Cause there's a hundred billion galaxies that stretch across the sky
Filled with constellations, planets, moons and stars.
And still the universe extends to a place that never ends
Which is maybe just inside a little jar!

It's a great big universe
And we're all really puny
We're just tiny little specks
About the size of Mickey Rooney.
* Though we don't know how it got here
* We're an important part here
* It's a big universe and it's ours!

I just don't know what to do

Last night I woke up around midnight and never slept again for the rest of the night. Through my tossing and turning I ended up waking Rich at 330, and he never slept again for the rest of the night.

I'm absolutely exhausted this morning. I finally got out of bed at about 710, and guzzled my one cup of coffee that I allow myself each day. I might end up needing to make another pot at some point this morning, as I'm barely functional.

I really don't know how to fix this. Last night while lying awake I ended up replaying episodes of Buffy in my head. I should have just gotten up and put the damn DVDs in and watched them for real. It would have been better than lying there in the dark.

I also ended up with Livvie waking up at 721 this morning, and that was tough on me. I just wasn't ready to deal with her needs. Luckily she woke up in a good mood, and she's basically been fine all morning, but I really needed time to myself to try to wake up.

Tonight if this happens again I'll just get up and come into the living room. Maybe I'll fall back to sleep on the sofa. At least I won't wake Rich up. 

Oh, the neighbors had the last laugh last night. At about 9 they started setting off their fireworks, and it continued until about 10 when I assume they ran out of them. Luckily the dogs didn't freak out too badly, and they didn't wake Livvie up. They did end up keeping me awake though. So yeah, I guess I got 2 hours of sleep last night.

Have a great Sunday everyone.

Bwah ha ha ha haaaaa

It's 930pm and I'm lying in bed. Rich comes in and gets in bed. Dirty Jobs is on the TV. Rich turns his fan on low. Then...

CRAACCKK BOOM

Late start for them. About 2 minutes later another one. They're slow, these amateurs, and they also need to make sure they don't blow off limbs.

CRAACCKK BOOM.

I'm starting to get peeved. According to Rich, it's good that they're simply fireworks and not bullets. Yeah, that's true. But I get nervous, VERY nervous that something will happen. An accidental fire. Dismemberment. A child getting hurt. OH, and did I mention it could possibly, POSSIBLY wake up my kid?

And then...

RUMMMMMBLE

I said, "Was that thunder?" 

RUMMMMMBLE

BOOM

If I could figure out a sound effect for the pouring rain I would. Think to yourself the sound of a wall of water hitting your home and you've probably got it.

Oddly, the CRRAAACCCKK BOOMs stopped at this point. Or not so oddly, as I imagine people were gathering up bowls of potato salad, leftover burgers, coolers full of beer, and hauling them all inside their homes. I'm assuming the fireworks got hauled inside too, at least the ones that didn't get ruined by water.

The thunder stayed a good 7-8 miles away. The rain was right on top of us. It was a Good Night.

Have a great Saturday everyone!

Awesome.

I was going to write a long post this morning about the silence of a 4th of July morning on the road and the loudness of a 4th of July evening with the rednecks setting off fireworks in the neighborhood, but then I talked to my mom.

Yesterday she was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes. Yeah. She's 77 years old. Luckily her kidneys and liver are still ok. However, she now has to watch her diet and be on medication for the rest of her life.

This also means that I now have to go into the doctor and get blood work done. Up until now we've had no history of diabetes in our family. Now apparently I need to get myself checked out. Especially since I drink too much and pee too much all day. Since those are symptoms of diabetes I have to get myself looked at. Lovely.

Mom doesn't think this is a big deal, but I do. Her blood sugar was "only" 139, which given my history with my cat Clancy I know is not terrible. When Clancy was diagnosed he was over 500. 

So this just sucks. I'm worried about her. I'm worried about me.

Happy 4th of July. Mine is shit.

How Hard Is It??

How hard is it to remember to take out the garbage?

Last night I asked Rich to take the trash to the street and he said he'd do it "later." I went to bed at 830 to read and watch TV, and he came in sometime after 10.

I got up this morning and discovered that he had made nachos last night prior to coming to bed. Not a problem. He was hungry. So what?

So I went outside to smoke, and discovered the trash bin sitting next to the driveway. He had not taken it out. He had time to make nachos, but no time to take out the garbage?

So after he got up I did my snotty, "Thanks for taking the trash down."

"Oh, I forgot." I told him I had figured as much. He then said that he had planned to take it out this morning prior to going to work. Riiight.

By this time I had dragged the heavy ass bin all the way to the street, huffing and puffing all the way. It really was insanely heavy. I also had the job of taking the recycling to the street, which isn't terribly bad as we usually only have plastic bottles and aluminum cans in there. Pretty light, but still.

This happens every single week. He always forgets, I always end up having to get dressed right away on Thursdays so I can get it to the street before the trash men show up.

So really, how hard is it? Anyone else have this problem? Because frankly, I don't feel like asking more than once.

This is fun

So yesterday was Livvie's well baby check up. Physically she's fine, save for a minor heart murmur that wasn't a surprise to me since she had one the night she was born.

Developmentally is another story.

Her gross motor skills are outstanding. She can run, walk backwards, go up and down stairs, dump things out of bins (which is important for some reason. Don't ask me why). However, the doctor was concerned about her lack of speech. She does vocalize, but she uses no words at all. He told me to give it four months, and if she isn't speaking by then we'll have to look into a speech therapist. I'm not happy about that at all.

He called me later in the afternoon to ask me some more questions he had forgotten while we were there. One of them was if she colored or scribbled at all. I told him we hadn't started working on that yet, and he told me it was time to start in order to get her fine motor skills up to par. I said ok, and made plans to go to Target this morning.

We left bright and early, and the arts and crafts aisle was packed full of stuff that was awesome but mainly for older kids. I ended up getting her an art pad with white paper, a box of the wide, washable crayons for smaller kids, a box of 48 smaller crayons with more colors, and these cool markers that are invisible unless you're drawing on special paper. The markers came with a Nemo coloring book, and I also got her some of the magic paper to go with them.

We got home and I pulled out the brown crayon for her and showed her how to mark on paper. She was less than interested in the marking, but was absolutely enthralled with the crayon itself. She walked around holding it up and showing it to me like it was the coolest thing ever. I got the rest of the crayons out, and she carried them around for awhile too.

Then she got up on the sofa with them.

After I put her down for her nap I discovered that she had accidentally colored all over the sofa. I knew they were washable, but with what? I ended up getting the soapy kitchen sponge and scrubbing at the marks with that. It worked, so thank the gods for that. She had mostly used the black one. Not good on a tan sofa.

One thing that was promising was that at one point she was sitting on my lap and I had the art pad on her lap and she was scribbling back and forth without looking at it. It's a start.

Purple and Black.

A wise choice.

Have a great day everyone!

Kill Me Now

I've had a migraine for the past 3 days. I ran out of meds for it yesterday. I just called the doctor and asked for a refill to be called in, so hopefully it'll be waiting for me at the pharmacy soon.

I know what's causing it. It's ovulation week. And since I'm not on the pill anymore I should have expected it. Prior to BC pills I got a migraine every single time I ovulated. It's lovely. 

When I got pregnant I had 2 migraines within the first 2 months, and then never had another one again until after I stopped breast feeding. They've been few and far between, so this one having lasted 3 days so far is an anomaly. 

My head feels like it's about to crack in half. The interesting thing is that I'm ovulating on the right side this month, and the migraine is also on the right side. It would be interesting to see if they truly do correspond with each other. 

Along with the pain I get nausea, visual disturbances, and this feeling of cold on that side of my head. It pisses me off that people think they're just bad headaches, because they're not. Migraines are a type of seizure disorder, and they aren't safe at all. I had one once that lasted 8 days and it even affected my speech. My words were slurring and I couldn't find the right words a lot either. I ended up with an MRI to see if I had had a stroke.

Hopefully Doc will call in this scrip soon. I can't function very well (you should see how many times I've hit backspace in this post alone) and the noises my kid is making are driving me nuts. I just want to go lie down somewhere and die.

Lovely

I'm beginning to hate trees. Truly. This morning we woke up and discovered that the storms last night had impaled a rather large tree branch into the roof of our shed. It's poking all the way through the plywood. It's probably a $20 fix, so it isn't worth submitting to the insurance company, but it's going to be a royal pain to fix.

At least it's not over the cat side of the shed, so it won't leak on them.

However, all of my stuff from when I moved is stored in the top of the shed, boxes of books and photo albums etc, and if that stuff gets ruined I will seriously shit a brick. I can't afford to replace some of that stuff, and the things like the photos are irreplaceable. 

At least we got rain right? 

It rained so hard that Livvie's pool was filled this morning, and so was her water table. That's just crazy. The airport is registering 1.3 inches from yesterday, but I'd wager we got more than that here. We desperately needed it too. The lake levels are falling again, and we're once again classified in Severe Drought conditions, so the more we get the better. I'm actually hoping for a good tropical storm to come along this summer and give us a good dousing.

No hurricanes though. I still remember Fran, Floyd, and Dennis.

Here's Fran:

After Fran made landfall the entire state of NC was covered. So were many parts of Virginia. And Maryland. And Delaware. It was the largest storm I have ever seen. It was my second Hurricane down here. The first one was Bertha about a month before. Bertha did some damage to the eastern part of the state, but most of Fran's fury was concentrated on central NC. It was just awful. My ex in-laws had about 20 trees in their backyard uprooted totally, and it took them weeks to cut them up and haul them away.

If we get a hurricane coming up from the south this year the entire second half of Eric the Half a Tree will come down, roots and all. Thankfully it's positioned so that it won't hit the house, but it would probably cost about $1000 to get it removed. We also have many dead pines that would come down, and I'm not so certain that the roof of the house could withstand it.

I love storms, except for the part where they freak out my dogs. I hate wind. I DESPISE wind. 

Keep your fingers crossed that it's a fairly uneventful summer. Hurricane season started on June 1st, but they normally don't head for NC until August and September. I have no idea why.

Oh, and remind me to start stocking up on gallons of water to store in the shed. We have a well. If we lose power we have no water. And not being able to flush the toilet would suck ass.

Our Plans for Today

Hulk Smash. 

Yep, we're off to see The Incredible Hulk. BFF and I needed to go to the movies so this is our choice. I'm really hoping this one is better than the last one. It's getting fairly decent reviews so we'll see.

Even if it sucks we'll get a good deal of colossal fighting and some explosions out of it, and hey, what's a big screen for if not for that? Does anyone honestly go see dramas and love stories on the big screen? and if so, why?

After the movie I have to come home and get on with the chores while Rich does his thing outside. I have laundry and dishes to do, and I still haven't gotten around to dusting the bedroom TV and its components. That desperately needs to be done. 

Did I mention I get to have popcorn today?

Absolute favorite part of the movie-going experience. Theater popcorn, no butter. That "butter" stuff they use is disgusting and can kill you within 3 days, so why bother?

BFF always gets an Icee, which is I think her absolute favorite part of the movie-going experience. She might even get some M&Ms. We'll see if she's in a wild and crazy mood. I content myself with no drink, because I have no intention ever of having to leave the theater to go pee. I refuse.

I sat through all of each LOTR movie without having to get up to pee even once. I consider that a victory.

So what are your plans for this lovely Sunday? I hope everyone has a pleasant one. I'll update later with a short review of the movie. Take care!

Dammit All

My Hibiscus is blooming. The flowers are huge. I had planned to take pics of them when they bloomed and post them here so you could all ooooh and aaah over them, but alas, I can't.

They're full of holes.

Japanese Beetles have found them, and they're completely decimating the plant. The leaves, the buds, the flowers themselves. They're treating it as a free buffet, and it's driving me nuts. I have to go get some spray for them. I hate poisons, but this plant is far too important to me to mess around.

At least I don't have roses, right?

To me this means that the moles that destroy our lawn aren't doing their jobs. Moles eat Japanese Beetle grubs, it's one of their favorite delicacies, and one would think that given how many tunnels we currently have in our lawn that the mole population would be enormous. Apparently not. In my opinion the robins aren't doing their jobs either. Asshat fauna.

So I guess it's off to the Depot to get myself some godawful spray. I'm not sure what else to do. A friend let me know that the traps don't really work because they'll actually attract them, like they're supposed to, but that before they hit the trap they'll hit the plants. Lovely.

I wish that I had thought of this prior, but last year we didn't have this problem, so how was I to know? It not like I'm used to these fuckers being in the yard. They don't even munch on our wild roses in the side yard.

So cross your fingers that I can kill these bitches before the last flower blooms. I really want to show you how very awesome these are, as I've never seen Hibiscus so giant outside of photos of the islands. 

Thanks, and have a happy Saturday.

Oh MY GAH

The baby bug has bitten me. I don't know when or how this happened, but one day recently I realized I didn't want Livvie to be an only child. I was an only child and it sucked. It still sucks. My mom is 77 years old, and if anything ever happens to her (which is bound to happen) I will have no support at all.

Rich and I talked about it yesterday, and his opinion is that we should wait because he doesn't want to be stuck at this job that he abhors forever. I can see his point. He'd like to know that if necessary he can leave there and take a lower paying job and still be able to support his family. I get that, I really do. However, when he said we should wait he added that there's still time because "people are having babies forever these days." Um, no they aren't not without assistance anyway, which we would never be able to afford.

I'm 37 years old, and my eggies ain't getting any younger. We lucked out this last time by having a healthy kid with no problems. ANYTHING can happen the older you get. I would love and cherish a disabled child, but honestly, who really wants one?

Also, as much as I really want Livvie to be potty trained prior to another kid, I think she'd be more prone to jealousy the older she gets. She already gets all of my time as it is, and I just feel that if she's say, 5 years old she'd be more inclined to despise an interloper. That would not be good.

The other reason this would be tough is that we barely have room for the three of us right now, so a new baby would have to live in the living room until Livvie is old enough for a toddler bed and the baby could have the crib. We have the pack and play which would be fine for sleeping for awhile, but in my memory that was a pain in the ass as once you remove the top part it's almost impossible to lower a baby into the bottom part without waking them up. It kind of sucked.

We've also gotten rid of all of our high ticket items like her swing, her bouncer, her infant car seat, etc. I have a 2 seater vehicle so I'd have to get another car. That would suck balls. We sort of need the truck, as we use it regularly these days for the things it's meant for. We can't afford 3 vehicles. We just can't.

So I don't know what to do. I'm waffling on this one, as it would REALLY make me happy for Livvie to have a sibling, but it would just be so tough. I have no idea what we'll do and when. But for now I guess I wait.

Sleeeeep

I am not getting enough sleep. I'm going to bed every night at 9, and generally conking out by 915, but I keep waking up all night and then end up awake from about 530 on. This morning I woke up at around 5 and stayed in bed begging to go back to sleep. I finally got up at 749 and Livvie woke up at 750, so that was good timing.

Last night I even took the clonazepam to help me sleep through the night and it just didn't work. I just don't know what to do anymore. Every day I sit here and get sleepier and sleepier, but I can't even nap when Livvie does because during the day I can't shut off my brain enough to fall asleep.

I tried Lunesta back when I first started seeing the headologist and had this problem, and it was a joke. It didn't help me fall asleep, it didn't help me stay asleep, it did nothing. I'm afraid to take Ambien because of the sleep walking/driving/eating side effects that can happen. 

I know that for some people the answer is to get more exercise and wear yourself out, but the only time I would have to do so is after Rich gets home at 430, and you're really not supposed to exercise past 4 because it will actually stimulate you so that you can't sleep.

Therefore I'm stumped.

I wish I could be like normal people and sink into my covers and remain there all night long without tossing and turning. I wish I didn't wake up when Rich comes into the room and remain awake for up to an hour. I wish that when I do fall asleep I didn't snore, which also wakes me up.

I don't know if this is hypomania or not. It doesn't feel like it. I also don't feel depressed. I just want and need to sleep.

Too Much

Smoking too much. Can't stop. Feel like my throat has ingested sand. Can't stop coughing. Feel sooooo tired. Don't know what to do.

I've documented my love affair with smoking here before, so I won't bore you now. All I know is that I'm an addict, and it sucks. Goddamn the tobacco companies and their additives. Screw them for making it so hard to quit. And in some packs comes a little pamphlet. "Information for smokers." It's supposed to give you support if you want to quit. Um, how ridiculous is that? Like they even WANT you to quit.

I live in tobacco country where smokes are CHEAP compared to other places. I don't even want to know what they're paying in NYC now. I know that in NJ they're up to about $7 a pack. We're paying $4.14 for a pack at the gas station, and if we get a carton at the grocery store it's $29.50. That works out to $2.95 a pack. It's insane. We often get cartons. The problem with cartons is: we end up smoking too much because we know they're there.

Today I have already smoked over a half a pack, and I've only been up for 5 hours. This should not be. I smoke wayyyyy too much while Livvie naps because there's nothing else to do. I smoke out of boredom. I smoke when I'm hungry. I smoke because it's there.

I really truly need to quit and soon. If Livvie is out on the deck and I smoke a cigarette (about 20 feet away) she stops what she's doing and watches me. I don't want her to know what I'm doing. I don't want her to think it's ok. When she gets older she'll model her behavior on us, and for her to think smoking is just what people do is unacceptable. It sucks.

Given how much I'm smoking right now quitting is going to be super hard. I'm up to a pack and a half a day now, which is even more than the gum or the lozenges are really supposed to be able to handle. The 4mg lozenge says it's for people who smoke within 30 minutes of waking up. Um, try 2 minutes?

That's right. I wake up, go pee, walk outside and smoke. So yeah, 2 minutes. If Livvie wakes up first it might be 5 minutes, because I immediately install her in her high chair and go outside. I don't even wait for my coffee to be done. Smoking comes first.

So I guess it's time to pick a date again. I have no idea when that will be. It really does need to be soon. This is getting unbearable.

Your Pic for the Day

This is PuttPutt when he was a kitten and was incapable of washing his own face. Ginny is helping him out.

Today I feel a bit too good. I am having insomnia issues which is never a good sign. I might have to start taking clonazepam at night just to get some sleep. That sucks.

I'm having to go to Target today to get diapers and a case of water. I hate going to Target. It's always wicked crowded and the lines at the checkouts are ridiculous.

Rich just got home from Home Depot where he purchased so many bushes that I don't even want to know how much he spent. He's planning to install them in the natural areas out front, which, granted, will look nice, but I didn't think they were really necessary. As long as I don't have to plant them though I'm fine with it.

I was writing in my journal today about how we tend to view our parents when we're young. It seems that to me anyway, my parents were handsome and beautiful and just the most awesomest ever. In retrospect my father had been showing his illness on his face for some time and looked terrible. My mother was overweight, still gorgeous, but overweight. I never even noticed these things about them. Today my mom is exceptionally overweight, considered obese even, but to me she looks fine. I guess that's a carryover from when I was a kid. I often wonder what my father would look like now, as he'd be 72 years old this year. He'd probably be bald as a melon and have shrunk a bit. He was only 5'8" when I knew him, but he comes from a short family.

Have a great day everyone. I'll catch you tomorrow.

Oh, and RIP George Carlin. You will be very missed.

Whew

I picked up my Abilify today. Just to let you all know. I was so grateful to have it that I took it in the car with an old bottle of water I found behind the front seat. Yuck. Oh well. At least it's in my system now. I'm not sure what the half life of it is, and I probably would be fine, but better safe than sorry you know?

Let me tell you how I've been, and what this drug does for me.

I can feel the teases of hypomania in the front of my brain. It's like a tickling sensation that makes me realize that something is up. Abilify will usually keep me from tipping over the edge. Even though I can feel the tickle, that's where it usually stops. If the Abilify fails to stop it I have the Seroquel for emergencies. That's what I took yesterday. It did help.

Now, I need to talk about the Lamictal. Lamictal is for Bipolar depression, which isn't like standard depression. There's no low level sadness. If you hit Bipolar depression you're in a black well of despair that you have no way to crawl out of. Or so it seems. In effect, you basically feel like your life is over. It truly sucks. The Lamictal is a mood stabilizer that keeps you from hitting that low. And for me at least, it works. I haven't had a depressive incident since I started the therapeutic dose of Lamictal over a year ago. 

I'm eternally grateful for my meds. They allow me to live like a normal person for the most part. That isn't to say that I don't feel happy or sad sometimes, but they're normal levels of both. I think I would have been dead by now if I hadn't seen the doctor a year ago, and I'm not exaggerating. It would have been awful.

On a lighter note, I did manage to get a photo of Livvie this morning. You remember her, the reason I actually take my meds? Anyway, here it is:

I am an IDIOT

I never picked up my Abilify yesterday because I figured I needed Rich's car since mine has been acting up (pulling hard to the left at stops, burning smell, lack of acceleration). Hence I am out of Abilify today. I ended up taking a Seroquel this morning just to head off any mania that might occur. I don't know if one missed dosage can lead to problems or not, but I do know I won't take that chance.

Why I'm an idiot? Well, it because I knew I wouldn't be able to go out for it again today, and instead of taking the Seroquel last night I took it this morning. I'm now so sleepy I could just about fall asleep here at the computer. It sucks. My head is also now pounding because Seroquel can cause headaches. It's just lovely.

Meanwhile, I haven't been manic in quite awhile, but I'm certainly depressed today. My friend Dagny was having IVF done, and the one egg that managed to become fertilized has now died. Effectively she's had a miscarriage. Considering that she had no plans to ever try this route again, this might have been her one and only shot. It's awful, I'm pissed at the world, and there's nothing I can do to help. Not at all. I can't even imagine what she's going through. My 3 miscarriages occurred when I didn't even know I was pregnant. There was nothing to grieve, no loss felt. Only a very heavy and extended period that took forever to go away. And the doctors telling me that a baby might have been had.

In retrospect I am thankful for those, because I was not in the correct relationships at the times to even consider a child, so I have no idea how to deal with Dagny's loss. I can be supportive and love her, as I try to do anyway, but nothing I can say or do will feel anything except trite.

Please send a prayer or positive thoughts for Dagny today. I want her to feel better about herself. I want her to know that this situation is not in fact the end of the world. And I want her to know how many people love her.

Thank you.

Sunday #2

Today's official weigh-in was 145.5 pounds. That puts me a half a pound away from my original goal. That rocks.

My cousin Scott was hospitalized for crazyness recently and has been officially diagnosed as Bipolar. He's also an alcoholic. He's been busted for DUI. I feel very bad for him, although the DUI is unacceptable. I contacted his mother and let her know which meds I'm on, and also offered my support whenever it's needed. I'm not sure whether it'll be accepted or not. I haven't seen Scott since about 1996.

My aunt has forgotten who her grandchildren are, which isn't surprising since she hasn't seen most of them in about 3 years. Her granddaughter Laure stopped by the other night out of nowhere and my aunt had no idea who she was. She also had no idea whether she had eaten that night, although they had just returned home from dinner. It's odd, because I haven't seen her in almost 2 years now, and every time I call she recognizes my voice and asks about Livvie. I'm not sure she'd know me if she actually saw me though.

I have nothing else to report today. I hope everyone has a great Saturday.

In Our Yard

Baby Bucks, still with fuzzy antlers. They were busted eating blackberries off of the vines. Sorry, the zoom on my camera sucks ass.

Today I saved the same honeybee from the pool 6 times. Every time I got him out and put him somewhere, sometimes even 20 feet away, the bee would be back in the pool within 5 minutes. After the sixth time he finally gave up. I assumed he was suicidal.

Go Me

Ugly, isn't it?

Tonight I am making flounder for myself for dinner. I asked Rich if he wanted some and he said he'd try it, but to keep a leftover pork chop on standby. I agreed. Go Rich. It's hard to get him to try new things sometimes. Although he did in fact try the stewed yellow squash with onions the other night. Said it was tasty but mushy.

This morning I ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, did another load of laundry, cleaned the bathroom, cleaned and bleached the kitchen sinks, wiped down the kitchen table, and got the coffee ready for tomorrow. The dryer is in fact done now, so it's time to fold the second load. I hate folding.

I forgot to mention before, inspired by Nina I bought myself a genuine, white cotton granny gown (or Victorian inspired gown as the website proclaimed) with some of my birthday money. I absolutely love it. It makes me feel all feminine, which doesn't happen often. The only problem is that it's a bit see-through, which makes for some modesty issues. Seriously, for a gown that's supposed to be all about modesty, it's not.

Things are good here at the moment. Livvie and the dogs are sleeping, the TV is on the Discovery Channel, I just ate a tuna sammich and a peach for lunch, and I drank my 5th glass of water. I guess one could say that I'm content. Which doesn't happen that often.

Have a great Thursday everyone, and see you tomorrow.

Beer

Oh beer, I'm missing you so.

There has been no beer in the house for 2 nights now. Rich has quit drinking. Given that he could put away several a night, this is huge.

Unfortunately this also means that I have quit beer totally too. I'm missing sitting out on the deck at 830 at night, sipping a beer while smoking a cigarette, watching the traffic go by.

Even though I had cut down to 1-2 a night, it was nice to have that little friend. It was something to do to alleviate boredom. It was (not) tasty, being Bud Light, but it was beer after all, and beer is life. Beer is enjoyable. Beer is fizzy.

On the plus side, given that there was no purchase of beer and bags of ice, we saved $25 in 2 days. That's right, $25. We're going through bottled water like crazy however, and I'm getting irritated because I considered that water mine for my new diet, and Rich is charging through it.

My water. Mine.

The other plus side to no beer for Rich is that his blood pressure will most assuredly go down, and that is extremely important. I don't think he's had his blood pressure taken since the Flu of 2005, but I'm pretty sure, as was he, that it was fairly high. Hopefully this will help considerably.

I had one Gin and Tonic last night, but it wasn't the same as sitting with the beer. And, after having NOT had one for several days the tonic water had de-fizzed, so it was quite the substandard drink. It was a bummer. I'd have definitely preferred a beer.

So I'm not sure if this is just going to be a work night thing alone or if he's planning on no beer over the weekends too. I haven't asked him. I'm thinking not though. I'm thinking that on Fridays and Saturdays there will in fact be beer. Maybe though he'll content himself with a six pack and I'll drink only one. That would be lovely. I really do miss it already.

Oh Joy

This afternoon I have one of my famous 15 minute appointments with Headologist #1. 15 minutes for $80. I have to leave here at 150 to be there at 230, because I have to drive on one of the most heavily traveled streets in town.

It's just a follow-up appointment. Nothing major is going on, so I get to tell her that yes, my meds are in fact working, that no, in fact, I do not need the anxiety therapist anymore, and that I need refills for all of my drugs.

These appointments irritate the fuck out of me. Mainly because of the cost and the short amount of time alloted, but also because she only writes scrips for 3 months at a time. I honestly don't see why she doesn't write them a year out, because it can't be because she wants to make sure I'll come in for my visits. If that were the case she'd refuse to call in scrips for me without seeing me first. It's ridiculous.

The other thing that's pissing me off is that my Lamictal was supposed to go generic in May and it hasn't yet. That means $40 out of my pocket for that one every month, plus another $40 for the Abilify. It's insane. Thank the gods I only have to see the headologist once every 3 months for now, because I don't think I could afford it. As it is, right now I've spent the $40 for the Lamictal yesterday, $80 today, and then another $40 for the Abilify coming up on Friday. If you aren't doing the math, that's $160 in one week folks. Just for my brain.

Yes, yes, my brain is worth it. But it would make me a hell of a lot happier to have that generic available.

On another front, the tree guy was supposed to come and cut down Eric the Half a Tree yesterday but never showed up. He called and said his son was sick, and that he'd be here first thing in the morning today. Well, it's 9am, first thing in the morning has passed, and he's still not here yet. Both Rich and I are getting pissed. Rich because he has spent 2 mornings working from home now, and me because Rich is. Oh, I'm also pissed because that Half a Tree is dangerous and needs to come down. Now.

I hope everyone has a great Tuesday. Enjoy yourselves for me, ok?

Sunday

Sunday is the day I have chosen for my weekly weigh in. It makes sense to me, as Saturdays are the days where I will blow the calories a little bit more than during the rest of the week.

So if you'll remember, the other day I started out at 155 pounds. My goal was 145 or even 140, but I'd be happy with 145. I've eaten very well these past few days, taking in fewer calories, choosing healthily, drinking plenty of water...

Yesterday I ate a bit less well, having made rosemary roasted potatoes for dinner and eating a bunch of those (read: starch). Rich went to McDonald's for lunch but I got the Southwestern Chicken Salad, which is fantastic if you've never tried it. I drank a ton of water all day, and although I DID blow some calories last night on 3 beers, this morning I weighed...

147.

This means I've lost 8 pounds in 5 days. Just by cutting out booze and eating breakfast and eating more vegetables. Oh, and drinking tons of water. Let's not forget the water.

So now I sit here thinking: if it was so easy for me to get to 147, how hard can it be to get to 140? I'd still be wearing a size 10 I assume, and 140 is still a very healthy weight for my height and bone structure. It would put me at 25 pounds less than my full term pregnancy weight, which is much more acceptable. Of course, the size of my booty would be reduced, but that's ok. While I don't mind having junk in the trunk, I do mind hanging out of my swimsuit and constantly having to pull the leg holes down.

So now the challenge is to keep this up. It's easy enough to do it for 5 days, but to make a true habit out of it and continue treating myself better could be a bit difficult. Last time I tried this I made it 5 pounds before switching back to my general eating habits. 

I'll tell you what. If I make it to 140, I'll quit smoking. There's a decent reason for a goal...

More Wildlife Weirdness

Last night we were watching 4 deer eat leaves in the woods on the side of the house. Eventually one followed the path back into our backyard and stopped to look at us. Then she sneezed. Twice. She then lifted her back foot and scratched her nose with it before heading off into the back woods.

This morning I went over to the cooler to put my Coke Zero in it, and there was a white moth on the lid. I lifted the lid, placed my soda inside, and then shut the lid to discover a black moth in the spot where the white moth had been. 

That's my only report for this morning. I'll keep an eye out for other oddities throughout the day. I'll report back again if I find any.

Have a great Saturday!

In Bloom at Chez Julie

Gardenia

Hydrangea

Lavender

The deck smells amazing as the Gardenia bush is right next to it. Unfortunately the Hydrangeas are at the side/rear of the house, and so aren't very viewable. The Lavender is back in my giant garden, and it's currently being attacked by bumble bees.

I love bumble bees.

Post #2: Ice

I'm not sure exactly when it started. I believe it was last summer. Anyway, one day we bought a 12 pack and didn't have room in the refrigerator for it, so we bought a bag of ice and put it in the cooler.

Surprise, the beer was far colder than it had ever been in the fridge. Hence, the beer tasted far better than it had ever done out of the fridge. We were hooked.

Of course, this means that when we buy beer daily we also are required to buy a bag of ice. This gets expensive. I believe the ice at the Exxon up the street is $1.79 a bag. Add that to the $9.99 12 pack and you can see where this starts to add up. If we get an 18 pack at the grocery store and buy the large bag of ice it's $2.89. Yep, so that's about $15 for an evening or two's worth of entertainment.

Here's where the real point of this post arrives. Ice is different. I was not aware that the cubes that are bagged by different companies can be so much different from each other. You have your squares, your rather large tubes, and your little attached stacks. I have to say, the little attached stacks suck balls. We get those at the Exxon.

They not only stick together and don't break up easily when you bang the bag on the ground, but the also melt too fast. I'm serious, even when it isn't 101 degrees outside, if we use the little stacked ice cubes they're melted by the end of the evening. that's usually 5 hours.

On the other hand, the grocery store ice is the tubular shaped kind. they're fat and happy and they don't in fact stick together. If we buy a bag of grocery store ice at 4pm it's still ice (granted, far less of it, but ice) by the next morning. 

The Citgo ice (last source for us) is like little balls with holes in them. They tend to last a decent amount of time as well, usually there's a great deal of water the next morning but enough ice left to make sure my Coke Zeros will still be cold by 10am. I like the Citgo ice, and have repeatedly asked Rich to go to Citgo for the beer and ice but A) it's farther away, and B) the beer is a dollar more expensive.

All of this might be moot, as I'm down to 2 beers a night now, possibly 1 soon, and we might not end up needing 12 packs much longer. And yes, Rich and I could put a 12 pack away together in one evening prior to this.

So there you have it. A completely nonsensical post because Livvie is napping and I'm bored. 

Stay cool.

Good God...

COLUMBIA, N.C. — State crews checked the air quality around an eastern North Carolina wildfire, while forecasters said a wind shift could blow smoke to Raleigh, Durham and Greensboro on Thursday.
WRAL viewers said smoke was creating haze and they could smell smoke in downtown Raleigh on Wednesday evening.They said they could smell it in Chapel Hill and Carrboro on Thursday morning.
The National Weather Service confirmed their observations. "Areas of smoke from a large wildfire over coastal North Carolina have spread westward into portions of central North Carolina this morning," the service's Raleigh office said in an advisory. "County officials report that the smoke is not very dense but that the smell of the smoke is very strong. The very young, the elderly and people with respiratory difficulties should remain indoors as much as possible through mid-morning, when the smoke is expected to thin out."

Smoke reduced visibility on roads around Goldsboro, Nashville, Rocky Mount, Smithfield and Wilson to less than 2 miles, according to the weather service.
Forecasters said lighter winds will allow conditions to worsen overnight, and the smoky air could persist for days.
Air quality from Raleigh to Winston-Salem could be affected by smoke carried by winds blowing to the southwest, Bill Swartley, a spokesman for the State Forest Division, said in a statement.
Field observers said the fire had burned about 39,779 acres, or about 62 square miles, and was about 40 percent contained, Swartley said. The figure was a revision of an earlier, slightly larger estimate Wednesday.

The smoke is everywhere. It's outside, it's in the house now; I assume because it's leaking in through the windows. I can't take Livvie outside for a few days because when you go outdoors it burns your throat. I have even brought the smell inside with me on my clothes.

The fire itself is about 3 hours away to the east. It's just crazy.

Hope everyone else has a wonderful day.

Report:

Yesterday I drank 9 bottles of water, 2 Coke Zeros, 1 glass of tonic water, and that's about it. I thought about sleeping on the bathroom floor as that's where I spent the majority of my day (I was practically floating), but in the end I went to bed where I did not sleep because Rich kept stealing the covers.

I ate a lot, but I made healthy choices. Yogurt and a banana for breakfast, tunafish and a cucumber sammich for lunch, fish and cauliflower for dinner. My snacks were Sun Chips and Triscuits with hummus. Go whole grain...

Oh, I also only had 2 beers last night. Light beer to boot, which is all Rich will drink. I made sure I enjoyed the beer, sitting out on the deck enjoying the evening (merely) 94 degree weather, which actually feels cool to us now.

I've lost 2 pounds since yesterday morning. This leads me to believe that those 2 pounds were water weight that I managed to flush out of my system. This will be my last weight check until a week from now I hope. I don't want to be chained to the scale. It's more important for me to determine how my clothes fit.

I'll try to report once a week, probably on the day I weigh myself, as a daily report is quite retarded and would be boring for all of you. 

On another note, the DVD player has become the Wiggles all over again. I shut off the DVD player yesterday after Livvie's movie ended and she lost her mind completely. She cried for about 15 minutes until I gave her a cookie to distract her. It was absolutely ridiculous. This morning I plan a Nemo and Mulan free day. The news is on this morning and then the Discovery channel is going on for the rest of the day. Hopefully she won't be too fussy today.

Suck it Up

I'm no crazy creep, I've got it coming

To me because I'm not satisfied

The hunger keeps on growing

I eat too much

I drink too much

I want too much

Too much

And I do. I can't stop eating, and I've been drinking an inordinate amount of EVERYTHING. Not just booze. The booze is the problem, obviously, because who cares if I drink 8 bottles of water a day...

This is leading to... tight clothing. Again. I measured my waist and it's 30 inches. 1 inch less than Rich's. Now, I'm sorry, but for me anyway, being able to wear my husband's clothes and have them fit perfectly is unacceptable.

I honestly didn't mind being 150 so much, but now that I've hit 155 it's made me realize that I'm 10 pounds away from my full term pregnancy weight. And I had gained 35 pounds when pregnant. So since last spring I've gained 25 pounds. 25 pounds of pressure on my back, fat that could lead to health problems, and snoring issues. Lovely.

So now I have to have a plan. Dieting is out of the question, as I am not making 2 dinners for us every night. All I can do is watch what I eat during the day and then eat small amounts of whatever is for dinner at night I guess. I need to get some more vegetables into my diet and less booze. I've already begun that one, as I had 1 beer yesterday and then "only" 2 gin and tonics. My goal is to cut totally back to 1 beer a day and that's all. I might start that tonight.

As for vegetables, I have to hit the grocery store and actually buy some. I need to hit the farm stand for tomatoes, because I'll be damned if I'll buy salmonella laden tomatoes at the store (did you hear about that?? Insane). And I guess I'll have to cut out a great deal of our starches. We live on potatoes and pasta. I have switched to whole wheat pasta, but I'm not sure that's a whole lot better for you. Probably not much, calorie wise.

So today I have stocked the cooler and fridge with Coke Zeros and water bottles, and will be back on my prior thing of drinking as much fluid as I can in a day to fill up and not be hungry. I tried it with the water yesterday and it didn't really work well, but I think I only had 5 bottles of water total. My goal is 8. Last time I tried to get back down to 140 I was drinking 96 oz of water in a day and I lost 5 pounds. I'm trying this time to get down to about 145, so that's 10 pounds I need to lose.

My only problem? I need to eat more fish. Rich doesn't like fish unless it comes in a Mrs Pauls box or a can of tuna. Oh well. Maybe I'll have to start making 2 dinners after all.

Tagged

I've been tagged by Liz to participate in a meme, so here goes:

A) Four places that I go over and over again: Target, Kmart, Food Lion, and the gas station
B) Four people who e-mail me (regularly): Rich, Mom, Xris, and Freecycle
C) Four of my favorite places to eat: Taco Bell, Las Margaritas, Milton's, and Smithfields Barbecue
D) Four places I would rather be right now: Ireland, Wilmington, Maine, Nova Scotia
E) Four TV shows I watch over and over: House, Hell's Kitchen, Bones, Deadliest Catch
F) Four people I think will respond: Dagny, Jmac, Cyn, and stealing Em.

My footprint

In the past 636 days I have changed approximately 3816 diapers. I did the math.

Do you know how bad I feel about that? Every time I stick a diaper in the garbage I feel awful for polluting our earth. However, cloth diapers would have been just as bad with the water usage required. Remember our drought? Well we're now at Moderately Dry in our area, which is better than Extreme Drought, but still dry.

So I'm sitting here trying to figure out what else I do that isn't "green." I've come up with a list.

Throwing jars out occasionally instead of rinsing them out and recycling them

Using too much toilet paper

Using paper towels frequently

Paper plates

McDonald's Breakfasts (styrofoam containers for the pancakes)

Shaving legs with shower running

Not cleaning up after my dogs in the back yard

Clay cat litter instead of pine or paper based (but who the hell can afford that???)

Smoking cigarettes (butts in landfill)

That's about it. I could do better, huh?

Here's a list of things where I'm actually ok:

Leaving lights off all day and relying on sunlight

Setting thermostat at 76 (it should be 78, I know, I know, but it's better than 72...)

Recycling all cans and plastic

Not flushing every time I pee (TMI, I know)

Method cleaning products

No dryer sheets

Low wattage flourescent light bulbs

Run washer only when it's an extra large load

Run dishwasher only when full

4 cylinder vehicle

Make popcorn on the stove instead of microwave bags

So there you have it. I know I could definitely be doing better. 

How about you? Are you good at this or only so-so?

Bummer, Man...

Big Brown, you tried your hardest, and you ran a good race. Sorry about the loss of the Triple Crown dude.

According to Mr. Snowman (our thermometer) it only made it to 99 today. I dunno what it was at the airport where these things are recorded, but whatever. 99 sucks ass. Especially with a heat index of 105.

Tonight I made macaroni salad for the first time this summer. I thought you might like the recipe, as it kicks ass.

Julie's Macaroni Salad:

1 small box of elbow macaroni, boiled and drained

2 cups diced celery

1 cup finely diced onion

1/2 small jar sliced green olives with pimientos

splash of juice from jar of jalapenos

2 tsp celery seed

1 large dollop of mayonnaise

stir all together and refrigerate. serve.

On another bummer note:

Dear Woodrow,

The beautiful and majestic deer are eating my hostas. Please bring your gun and provide me with dinner. Gratefully, Julie

Oh. My. GAH.

I'm serious. Today it was 99 degrees and tomorrow it's going to be 100. We're looking at a few days in the 100s and then mid to high 90s until the 15th or 16th of this month.

It was so bad today that Livvie could only go outside in small, 15 minute chunks. At one point I put my foot in her pool and the water was actually hot. It was disgusting.

Rich just plugged a box fan in on the deck so we can go outside to smoke in comfort. He's a genius.

So the beach yesterday. Well it was 98 here and 85 at the beach, so we escaped the worst of the heat yesterday for most of the day. We started out at 830 in the morning and got there around 1115. The ride was ok, and Livvie behaved basically fairly well for most of it. We had a few instances of fussiness, but it was all good. When we got there we found a place to park (free parking!!) and unloaded our stuff and headed down.

We found a pretty good spot, and Livvie proceeded to run amok. She loved all of the space, but wasn't quite certain about the waves. I'd say that for the first hour they freaked her out completely.

After awhile Rich decided to sit in the surf and hold onto her and let the waves roll in over both of them. That seemed to work. 

I had to chase her around quite a bit, and she was very interested in other people to the point of walking right up to them and being somewhat rude. A few times I had to scoop her up and carry her back to the chair, and at one point some random bird was on the chair and I had to shoo him away.

I took Livvie in with me about waist deep on myself to rinse the sand off of her and got knocked down by a fairly large wave while I was holding onto her. That was a very scary moment, and I've now learned my lesson. Stay on the shore.

We left at about 130, and headed to a store to pick up a portable dvd player for the way home. Thank God we did, because she was FAR more fussy on the way home, naturally, than she was on the way down.

Got home at about 515 after having stopped for lunch etc, and I got everyone showered and bathed and ready for bed. Rich and I discovered that we both had sunburns on our backs, regardless of the SPFs, and looked forward to an interesting night of trying to sleep.

I wish we could go again soon, but the cost of the gasoline alone is enough to make that an impossibility. Oh well. At least I got 3 shells and 2 souvenir T-Shirts for Livvie to commemorate her first beach experience.

Have a great weekend everyone. Stay cool.

It was a Good Day

Will write more tomorrow. Currently I'm fried and need to relax with a beer and a smoke.

I'm so depressed

While we were out this morning THIS happened to our 60-80 year old maple tree.

The limb is being held up by the basketball hoop and also a cedar tree. It's just so upsetting. Not only will the tree be ridiculous looking when we have it removed, but also the shade will decrease dramatically in the front of the house. Leading to higher power bills this summer. Lovely.

This just sucks. I wonder how much it'll cost to have it removed. I guess that's where some of George Bush's money is going. Although we haven't gotten our check yet and this is going to have to be removed within a day or 2, since it's dangerous.

Anyway, I'm depressed about it. Hope everyone else has a great Wednesday.

Ok, sure.

Our neighbors across the street own a $500,000 home. It IS quite beautiful, and it has a great deal of land for this area. As far as we can tell they own a landscaping business. We aren't sure, because we've never met them.

Also as far as we can tell they were either selling crack or meth at some point because about 10 cars a day would drive in and out of their property, and the cars were always different. It was quite suspicious, and it provided us with great hilarity when we were out on the deck smoking. One time 3 cars arrived within 15 minutes of each other. They also left within a few minutes of arriving, so honestly, we're pretty sure something was up over there.

About a month ago the neighbors installed a gate on their driveway. It's about 8 feet tall and black chain link. It has red reflectors on it and they lock it when they leave. There is no fence. The gate stands alone.

A mother and her son live there, and we have never seen a man who looks like he's a resident. When they pull into the driveway the mother makes the son get out to unlock the gate, and then she continues up the driveway in one of their many vehicles while making her son walk to the house. We find this rude. She even does it to him when it's raining.

So about 2 weeks ago a sign appeared on the gate. "Beware of Dog." This happened to coincide with an African American salesman having gone up and down the street to sell I have no recollection what. After he had visited our house he had crossed the street, walked to one side of the gate, and crossed their yard to the front door. 

The dog? A dachshund. 

Oh, and the traffic over there has reduced considerably now that the gate is up, so maybe they have ended their little side-line.

Now we want our own gate. With one of those little signs that says, "Beware of Owner." 

Alzheimer's Sucks

My mom looks after my dad's sister by living with her. This has been going on ever since my aunt was diagnosed. Things aren't good.

Last night my mom went to sleep at around 11 and woke up to the downstairs bathroom light on at midnight. She assumed she had forgotten to shut it off but didn't get up right away. My aunt then came walking out of the bathroom.

Mom asked her why she was downstairs and my aunt said she had had to go to the bathroom. Mom asked her why she hadn't used the upstairs one and my aunt said she couldn't find it. Mom started to get worried, and told my aunt she should go back to bed.

My aunt went back upstairs for a moment and then came back downstairs. She told my mom she didn't know where she was, and my mom told her she was home. My aunt told her that it wasn't her house. She then went and sat in a living room chair until about 1am, when she finally went back upstairs.

When my mom went up to give her her medication this morning my aunt was in the wrong bedroom, so my mom gave her the pills and led her back to her own room. Mom then had to go to work, and is now sitting at work worrying about her.

So am I. This is the worst she's ever been, and it happened suddenly. Mom is thinking it might have been a mini-stroke, but who knows. All I know is that my aunt, the one who was so much fun when I was growing up, the one who taught me how to dance and used to let me swim in her pool all summer, is gone. And there's nothing that can be done about it.

Feeling lazy

This is a picture of four of my cats back when they didn't live in their own house. From left to right: Remo, Bagheera, Darby, and the late Clancy.

Speaking of their own house, the reason they have one is because they're pee cats, which means they pee outside the box. Clancy started this, and they all followed suit. They had their own room in the house where they hung out overnight and when we left the house, and they absolutely destroyed it. When it came time last year to move Livvie into her own room we needed that room for her, and so Rich built the Cat House.

The Cat House is a room in the shed that he built, walls and all. It's insulated, has air conditioning, and also has heat. They have a shelf that he built onto one wall where they can hang out, and he also put in a window so they can watch the birds.

After we moved the cats to the Cat House we had to gut the room they had been in. We ripped up the carpeting, painted the entire room including the floor instead of putting down carpeting, and replaced the blinds. They had literally destroyed everything. Even trying to keep up with the pee while they lived in there was impossible. No amount of enzyme cleaner or peroxide mixture would touch it. They had saturated down to the wood floor underneath. And yes, it WAS hardwoods underneath. Utterly destroyed.

So that's why the cats have their own house. Even though I look at photos like this and miss them desperately, I know that they at least HAVE a home and A) haven't been thrown outside or B) taken to the shelter for their behavior issues. I love them, I still cuddle with them, and yes, they have peed all over the cat house as well.

Have a great Sunday, and a great week.