I'm a Sneak

I've been hiding the remote in my pocket since yesterday morning. It's worked very well, except for one instance last night when Livvie caught a peek of it and lost her ever loving mind, pulling on my sweat pants to try to get it out and shrieking. Rich managed to distract her, and the whole incident lasted about a minute and a half. This morning she has cried only twice, over commercials that came on before her Wiggles episodes. She looked for the remote both times, but gave up quickly and stopped crying almost instantly. Cancel that. She just got tired of the current Einsteins episode and started looking again.

In the Good News Department: It's been raining for 3 days now and it's supposed to rain all week. I'd like to thank Cyn for finally sending it this way from Seattle, because it's so desperately needed. Naturally it's spring break for the school kids, so we can't take Livvie to the mall play area this week because she'd end up getting trampled. Therefore we have no idea what to do to get her out of the house this week. I'm planning to call Borders to see if they still have Tiny Tots Story Time though.

I joined a local HUGE mommies group online yesterday. I also signed up for my area sub-group. Hopefully I'll be able to find some folks to get together with for play dates etc. It seems to be the usual group of mommies who are in fact overly concerned with redecorating their homes etc, but just maybe I'll be able to find another freak like me. You know, the kind of gal who actually does decorate her daughter's room with comic book heroes. Or similar. I'm just not all that comfortable with "normal" people. I wish I were. I'll certainly try to be though.

That's about it for today. Hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday, and again, Cyn, thanks for the rain.

Well that sucked...

Yesterday Livvie was fine with the Wiggles first thing. Then, as always, we ran out. I put on the Einsteins. Then the agony began.

She screamed if the episode didn't come on fast enough. She screamed if it was one she didn't want to see. She screamed if it eventually started boring her. I switched to a Wiggles DVD. No go. I tried her Baby's First Signs DVD. Nope. Tried the sing along songs. Hell no.

Rich was trying to work from home yesterday and she was making it practically impossible for him to do so. He couldn't concentrate and what he was doing was very stressful in the first place, so he was freaking out. I was desperately trying to keep her quiet so as not to bother him, so I was freaking out too. My nerves were shot, and I was really ready to give her back. Rich finished working at 4 o clock, and that's when the fun really began.

She lost her mind over a commercial being on prior to an episode, and Rich couldn't take anymore and went out to buy smokes and beer. I attempted to put on another episode, but she kept screaming. That's when I shut the fucking TV off completely. It was a nightmare. I hid the remote and she kept running from place to place screaming and trying to find it. I picked her up and held her and she screamed and cried in my arms for 20 straight minutes. She cried so hard she threw up in her mouth. It was lovely. Rich had come in the house after getting back from the store, and we just waited for her to stop. It took a full hour for her to calm down completely. In the meantime we played with toys in front of her, rough housed with her, and held her up to the windows to watch the birds. She would be quiet for a few seconds during that time, but then start crying again and just lose it.

After the hour's worth of crying I waited until she had been quiet for a few moments and then I turned the TV back on for her. She was far less picky this time, and sat through 2 episodes of the Einsteins until she started fussing again. Rich and I decided to put her to bed at 6 instead of her usual 7. So into bed she went, no fussing, and she fell asleep almost immediately.

I had planned on no TV at all today, but I decided to try it and see if she'd act as fussy over it after her experience yesterday. So far it's been fine, but we'll see. Rich went into the office today so he could actually get some work done, and I know I'm in for a hellish day if I end up having to turn the TV off. Too bad there's no beer left.

Time for The Curtain Call?

I had a rather long post accomplished here but Blogger ate it, so this one will probably be much shorter.

Livvie has 19 episodes of Little Einsteins that she watches. EVERY DAY. To say it's wearing on my nerves is an understatement. I now know all of the dialogue by heart, I can sing every "song," and I even know at the beginning which composer and artist will be featured. 

However, lately it seems that Livvie is getting rather sick of them as well. She seems to be making it through 1/2 to 3/4 of each episode before indicating that she wants it off and wants a new one on. How does she do this? By going over to where the remote is and whining. A lot. So I get up, switch to the next episode, and we start all over again. Ok, this is good. Wait, maybe not. Change it please. NOW. Ok thank you. No wait! Etc...

I'm not certain of what to do here, because currently the only other thing she's interested in is the Wiggles. I only have 5 episodes of those saved that she's familiar with and likes, so that takes up maybe 2 hours of the day. And even with those, she knows when each of them is about to end and whines for me to change it to the next one. This cuts 25 minute episodes down to about 22 minutes. It's starting to suck.

I ordered the Disney Princess DVD for her, and my mom bought her The Electric Company DVD while she was here, but I'm not sure how we'll do with those given that there's so much talking involved. She hates talking. She only likes singing. I do have a couple of the Disney sing along DVDs for her which she showed no interest in before, so maybe I'll break those out and see how they fly now. Otherwise I'm at a loss.

Not to say I'll miss the Einsteins, because Lord knows I can't stand them. But they did manage to keep her entertained and occupied for about 6 months, and for that I'm very grateful. 

Maybe I'll even try Beauty and the Beast. Oh wait, too much talking... Why every movie can't have a song jukebox on it is beyond me.

Sigh Part 2

Mom is gone now. She left at 9 this morning and I am already bored and lonely. It's a tiny bit stressful having her here due to the tiny size of our house, but at least I have company.

Both Rich and Mom want me to get out and meet people. This would prove to be rather difficult, as I can't stand people on a general basis. Especially the moms I've met down here. Have I mentioned before that I joined a Mommy group / play group last summer and got kicked out? I apparently didn't participate enough. Leaving aside the fact that all of their "events" were always held during Livvie's nap times, I also didn't email enough. What was I supposed to say? I tried to keep up with the kids' birthdays, but there were too many of them and it just got old.

Also, in order to get into that group I had to be recommended by another member. Can you believe that? The other problem with most of the groups here is that they require dues to be paid. For what? I can't imagine why you need to have money saved for snacks etc when everyone should be able to provide their own. It's just ridiculous.

So I'm just not sure what to do. I started my own local message board for socially misfit moms and posted the link on Craigslist, and got 2 new members within 2 days. However, neither one of them is posting. One of them didn't even introduce herself, so I have no idea who she is or what she's looking for. The other one did introduce herself, but she lives so far away from me that I doubt we'd ever end up getting together. It sucks.

So I guess the point of all of this is that I will continue to be bored and lonely, waiting each day for my internet friends to get online so I can have adult conversation, and hoping that someday I'll meet a like-minded person with a kid near Livvie's age who might want to go to the playground together. Or something.

Sigh

Rich just went back to work after 4 days off, and it's bizarre not to have him here. Mom is still here and will be until Friday, and she's pretty much disturbing Livvie's world. It sucks. Livvie basically ignores her until the last day she's here, when she's finally used to her and warms up a bit. I feel terrible for my mom in the meantime. I'm an only child, she's 77, and this is her only grandchild.

I actually won the princess video last night for $5.82. Not bad if I do say so myself. Especially since it's new condition, and there were used ones Buy It Now for $9.99. I've spent way too much on eBay in the past few days, but mom was encouraging me, I needed a lot of it, and I hate paying full price.

Speaking of, I scored 2 crib sheets for Livvie on clearance for $8.95 a sheet. One has the Bat Symbol all over it and one is Spider-Man. I'm excited about those. I also managed to get a white flannel one on eBay for about $10 with shipping, so we're finally set for sheets and I'll be able to change them more than once a week now. I'm sure she'll appreciate that.

Mom is napping, Livvie is napping, and I'm alone for all intents and purposes. Otherwise this post wouldn't have happened. Since I did manage to get my butt into a pair of jeans the other day and go get the bread crumbs, today I plan to make up for it by staying in my jammies all day. I'll take Livvie out onto the deck today instead of to the play ground, and I have to put a turkey into the oven at 130. Yep. Turkey dinner tonight. Mashed potatoes, possibly some Pepperidge Farm stuffing instead of my usual home-made sausage stuffing, and some green beans. I'm pretty excited about that too.

Hope everyone is having a fantastic Wednesday. Take it easy folks.

Shit.

Livvie is fascinated with Princess Aurora from Sleeping Beauty and Jasmine from Aladdin. You might want to ignore the previous post.

Yeah.

So I bid on Disney Princess Enchanted Tales: Follow Your Dreams. Shut up.

Just so you know...

I might refuse to get dressed today. Hell, I probably won't even put a bra on.

I need breadcrumbs. I needed them yesterday to make meatloaf. Totally forgot them at the grocery store. Therefore, no meatloaf. Spaghetti it was. Luckily mom loves spaghetti. I had no other options.

So maybe what I'll do is leave the sweatshirt on with no bra, put a pair of jeans on, and cover myself with a jacket so that "Brian" at the grocery store won't get a gander at the boobies. That sounds like a plan.

No socks today though. Just so you know...

Good Lord

The Exxon down the road is out of Coke Zero. I nearly freaked out. Then I almost drove back down the other way to the Citgo station and checked there. In the end I bought a regular Coke, hoping it wouldn't put 10 pounds on me with one sip.

It's been recommended that I blog today about my experience the other day with Livvie's PJs. 

She is 18 months old and grew out of her 18 month pajamas. I went on eBay last week and won her 5 pair of 24 month pajamas. Two pair arrived, and they looked enormous. I put a pair on her and it fit perfectly. So I gathered up all of her 12 and 18 month pajamas and bagged them up. There were 17 pair total.

I went on Freecycle and posted them. Within 5 minutes of posting I had someone interested. Within 20 minutes there were 3. The first person let me know that she could pick them up within 2 hours, and I said that was fine. I then proceeded to go look at the 12 month ones every 10 minutes or so. Livvie learned to walk in them. It was breaking my heart. I knew they had to go though, because we're so short on space.

The very nice lady came to pick them up, and I had to hand them over. I felt good that someone could get some use out of them, but I was still a bit upset. What did I do to take care of that?

I cleaned out all of her drawers of all of her clothes that no longer fit her. There are now 3 bags sitting on the futon in the office waiting to go to work with Rich on Wednesday for his coworker who has a 6 month old. I saved 3 pair of pajamas, 2 onesies, and oh, also her Carolina Panthers sleeper. I'm not sure where to put them, but they were my favorites from when she was tiny and I need to hang onto them for awhile.

The best part was that in going through her bureau I found 2 drawers full of 18 month sized clothing appropriate for spring that a friend of mine handed down. Rich's mom had sent her an entire box of 18 month clothing for Easter, but all of it is lightweight summer clothing and dresses (we don't do dresses. I have nothing against dresses, but this kid is wayyyy too active for them to be appropriate). Now we have about 5 pair of overalls, several shirts, and lots of pants to get us through until May or June. Rock on.

So there's my tale for today. I hope everyone has a lovely Easter, and I'll see you all in about a week. Thanks for reading. Love to you.

Girl Stuff?

In the past day and a half I have gone on incompleted shopping sprees online. Yesterday I "spent" $47 on soap making supplies. Never completed checkout. Today it was $46 on crib sheets for Livvie. Again, never finished. I eased my spending need by purchasing on eBay a Women of Marvel poster for Livvie's room. Currently she only has Wonder Woman (in fact, that's her actual poster to the left), Spider-Man, Batman, and then Superman sheets. She needs more female role models.

Rich thinks she should have "girl stuff" in her room. I reminded him that I am a girl and that I am a comic book geek. We got into a slight discussion of how I'd rather she have role models that stand for something rather than get by on their looks like Disney Princesses. I mean honestly. Not right now anyway. If she gets to a point later where she really wants princesses in her room she is more than welcome to have them. But for now the nursery decor is more for us to look at than her, so dammit, it's super heroes.

What's the big deal anyway? I bought 2 Batman the Animated Series production cels when I was working at the Warner Brothers Store in my early 20s. I worked there specifically for the DC Comics stuff they had. Is it so freaking strange that a chick is interested in comic books etc? I just don't get it.

Look at that pic again and then check this out. Which would you rather see in a kid's room? 

This pic is titled "Disney Princess Wedding Gowns." I swear to God. I'm sorry, but I never wore a wedding gown in my life. I know it's great for some people, but it just wasn't for me. When I was a kid one of my best friends used to buy the wedding gown magazines and circle the ones she would want. I'm talking 12 years old here folks. She never aspired to be anything else but to have a wedding. Granted, right now my job is wife and mother, but dammit I LIVED for years before settling down for that. I'm not sure I want Livvie thinking being married (actually no, not even being married, simply having a wedding) is really what it's all about.

So yeah though, if she does fall in love with the Princesses and Barbies we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. But for right now she's being watched over by the eyes of truly amazing characters. And Rich will just have to deal with it.

I Don't Suck AS Bad...

I managed to get off my ass for Ostara yesterday and make a batch of soap. Now, I don't make from scratch with the lye etc, I cheat. They make melt and pour soap bricks that are pre-scored, and all you have to do is cut it into cubes and melt it on the stove in an enamel pot. Then you add whatever scent you like and any extra ingredients to make it more effective. Yesterday I used a black soap base, added meadowfoam to stabilize the soap, and added lily of the valley oil for scent. I had no soap molds. None. Both of mine had ended up in the trash because they were shot. So I made due by using a foil cupcake pan. The resulting soaps look like giant, wrapped Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and one of them has "EZ FOIL" stamped into the bottom backwards. Whatever. At least I got something done.

Rich ended up asking me why there was a knife on my altar. I tried to explain it to him. I ended up having to dip the point of the knife into the chalice for him to "get it." He finally got it with an "Ohhhhhh." Apparently just saying, "this is male" didn't make sense to him at first.

I left my candles burning until it was time for bed, and didn't extinguish them correctly because I wasn't dipping my fingers into burning tealights. So I blew on them. I know this is considered rude, but I wasn't taking any chances with my fingertips.

So after yesterday I feel better about things, even though I literally didn't remember it was Ostara until about 4 o clock. I totally blanked that it was the first day of spring. I am such a sucky witch that I actually need to put alerts on my iCalendar. However, the thing is that now that I made soap again I am definitely going to get back into it and flood my friends with small bars of soap that they'll probably put on their sinks to look attractive and never use. Oh, not this batch. It's far from attractive. But I guess I'll be hauling my ass to Michael's or AC Moore to get more molds.

As a matter of fact, the first person to request 2 "bars" of Peanut Butter Cup soaps may have them. I'll be happy to send them out. I absolutely don't need 6.

Duh

Happy Ostara Everyone.

Random

I will be disappearing for a few days come Monday. My mom is coming down from NJ to visit on Sunday, and I'll be spending most of my time entertaining her. I'll try to post occasionally, if I get a chance, but I can't promise anything.

This morning I had to run to Target with Livvie to get toiletries and formula etc. I just wanted to let you all know that I did not in fact freak out while driving this time. It was a bit nerve wracking, but nothing like usual. I was very proud of myself.

Last night I fell asleep at 845 and totally missed all of Idol. I opened my eyes at one point and saw Ryan Seacrest, and then shut them and went right back to sleep. However, I got kicked out to the sofa at 3am due to my snoring all night. I was actually waking BOTH of us up it was so loud. I was even snoring on my sides. So Rich shook me and told me he needed rest, I agreed, and left for the living room. I did NOT snore for the rest of the night because I slept sitting upright. I wish I could do that in the bedroom. Shit. I forgot to buy Breathe Right while I was out.

Not much to say today so I'm heading off to feed the cats and get the laundry going. Have a great Thursday everyone!

Um, SONAR???

Yeah, so whatever you do, do NOT get cocky and holler out an answer while playing bar trivia. Your friends will lay the beat down on you.

I had a blast last night. BFF and I got there super early, having overestimated how long it would take to get there. We headed to the bar where I had THE most overpriced margarita on the planet. Seriously, it IS in a large glass, but it's mostly ice. Apparently they don't do frozen ones anymore. It didn't even taste as good as they used to. When the waiter finally found his way back to us he offered me a smaller, lower priced "top shelf" margarita, and I declined and switched to beer. Beer is cheap and I can drink a lot of it without falling on my face.

We met our friends and joined their table and started playing, and it was loads of fun. It was not the computerized trivia that people from all over the country play against each other. This was sheets of paper and pens, and handing in your answers when you're done. We came in 3rd the 1st round and finished 4th overall for the evening. I was absolutely, positively, sure of myself on 4 questions and got those right (Chuck Yeager). I was semi sure on a few others and got some of those wrong (Princess Anne).

I got hammered. And I don't mean just a little bit. I mean by the end of the evening I would go outside to smoke with BFF and I'd be dancing little jigs outside while talking to her. Bless her heart, she never makes fun of me for it, just sits and smiles, and very politely drives me home and dumps my ass in the driveway. Ok, well, she does wait until I get in the door before she leaves, but she doesn't make the effort to like, shine her headlights on the door so I can see what the fuck I'm doing with my keys. 

So I staggered into the house and Rich was still up. It was nice to see him. I love seeing Rich when I have been out for awhile. Even if I've only been out for 3 hours I still miss him. In fact, I was really wishing we could have gotten a sitter and he could have come with us. It was THAT much fun.

Then I went into my pockets this morning and discovered $12 in cash. This leads me to believe that BFF paid for a few of my food and/or drink indiscretions and wasn't up front with me when she told me how much money to give her. Someday I'll get her back for this. If I can manage it. She's pretty sneaky when it comes to this sort of thing.

YIPEE!!!

Two things.

First, Rich is going to work from home today and watch Livvie while I see #1 at 2 o clock this afternoon. I'm going to put her down for her nap at about 1 and see what happens. Hopefully she'll be asleep by 130 when it's time for me to leave. This is a HUGE weight off of my shoulders, because although it's only a 15 minute appointment and #1 LOVES her, it's a lot easier on me simply to not have her there. I'm looking forward to this.

Secondly, I am going out tonight. All by myself with my best friend. Apparently some old friends of ours play bar trivia from 8-10 some Tuesday nights, and tonight is one of them. We were invited. So I asked Rich if I could go and his response was, "I guess..." so off I'm going. I'll put Livvie down at 730 and get home at around 1030. I'm pretty sure Rich will be in bed when I get back. However, I get to have cheese fries and wings tonight, so I'm excited. Of course, that will be followed by the worst heart burn known to man, but it's probably worth it. I haven't gone out for an evening since well before Livvie was born. I've seen a few movies here and there, done a few lunches, but that's about it. I get to go to a BAR! Without a baby!

I've managed not to cough overnight for 2 nights now, so maybe this crud is on the way out. I have to tell you it was getting very old. Sleeping on the new sofa so as not to keep Rich awake all night was extremely uncomfortable. It's comfy to sit on, but let me tell you if you ever visit for a night we'll be putting you on the futon in the office.

That's about it folks. Oh, except Livvie let me sleep in until 809 this morning. So that was very helpful. Maybe it'll be an all around better day today. Wouldn't that rock?

Post #2: Update

Where should I start? Should I start with the fact that today's visit cost me $175 because I have a $500 deductible? Or should I start with the fact that after I got home I once again locked myself out of the house?

Oh, why don't we start with the drive in?

It took me 30 minutes to get there. I was freaking out the entire time due to rush hour traffic and people weaving in and out of lanes. I got there at 9:00 for what I thought was a 9:15 appointment. Nope. 9:45. So what did I do with my 45 minutes? I talked to the insurance company to get a pre-auth for these appointments since I had tried previously and no one had ever called me back. I found out I had a $500 deductible. And I watched Livvie create utter destruction in the waiting area. 

I got back into the office with #2 at 9:45, and it turned out to be an assessment/diagnostic visit. She spent 45 minutes asking me questions and writing the answers down on worksheets. Livvie behaved the entire time we were in there, so thank the gods for that. At the end of the visit I asked how much this was going to cost, and she said the first visit is $175 and follow ups are $100. And I have to go back in 2 weeks. How I'm going to pull the money out of my ass again I have no idea.

Livvie freaked out uncontrollably as we were leaving, and as I had to use the ladies I took her in there with me. She banged on the door and screamed the entire time we were in there. It was lovely. I got her out to the car and she was fine immediately. Go figure.

For the first time ever I was just as anxious driving home as I am usually going somewhere. I have no idea why that happened other than the fact that I had to drive quite a distance and anything could happen in 30 minutes. I had planned on stopping by the pharmacy on the way home, but due to my ridiculous outlay of cash this morning and the fact that I have a $68 visit with #1 tomorrow I don't have the funds. So I am out, O-U-T, of Abilify. This should be interesting.

I got home and put Livvie in the living room to go outside and smoke. I closed the door behind me. This time it didn't even occur to me that I had never unlocked the door. I put out my cigarette, turned to open the door, and nothing. I ended up having to drag a cooler under the kitchen window, jimmy the window up, and climb in. I ended up bleeding and with bruised thighs. I was PISSED. At myself, at this day, at being broke, at everything.

So yeah, this is my update for today. I'm sorry if it was a bummer. I'll try to be more entertaining tomorrow. Have a great Monday, and an even better St Patrick's Day everyone.

Today

Will likely be a 2 post day. Today I have my appointment with Headologist #2, the Talk Therapist. I'm thinking of breaking a limb in the next 30 minutes so I don't have to go. I completely forgot to take a clonazepam last night and drank wine instead. Wine doesn't make for less anxiety. I do NOT wanna go.

Oddly, at my last appointment with Headologist #1, she told me to go get a book, because #2 likes to use it with her patients. If you'll remember I made fun of the book when I mentioned it last. I absolutely refused to spend money on it and put it on my Paperback Swap wish list. I got up this morning to an email saying the book is now mine, and that I should click to claim it. I clicked. So now within a couple of weeks I'll have the book and be able to read about Other People and how they Cope. Very strange to me that this happened this morning.

If you'll also remember, I have to take Livvie with me this morning. So on top of the anxiety about opening my maw to a stranger I also have the added loveliness of having to drive Livvie somewhere by myself. And I guarantee it isn't going to be fixed by the end of my visit with her. The clonazepam did not work for anxiety, but it did knock my punk ass down. I guess I can't be anxious if I'm snoring in a corner. I'm asking for something else today. I don't really like the clonazepam hangover anyway. 

Maybe I'll get lucky. Maybe Livvie will sleep until 9 and I won't be able to make the appointment after all. Maybe the Jeep will finally not start IN THE DRIVEWAY instead of at the pharmacy or grocery store. Maybe they'll call and tell me that Something Has Come Up, and #2 won't be able to make it.

I don't wanna go.

Post #2: Today's Project

The whites are Impatiens, the front reds are Petunias, and the back reds are Gerber Daisies.

Luckily the sun wasn't out during this little endeavor. 

Good Timing

Yesterday it rained. It started no less than an hour after I had moved the plants to the back garden. Why am I even talking about this? Well, we've been in a drought now for over a year that's gotten so severe that I think prior to yesterday the City had about 120 days of drinking water left. We run a well, so we're not that bad off. The City is under Stage 2 water restrictions, which involves a lot of things like no lawn watering, no car washes, etc. This has closed a ton of businesses, primarily car washes and landscaping businesses, and people are out of work due to No Water. How sick is that?

That image to the above right? That's supposed to be a lake. And in fact, it's the only water resevoir for the City. This image below is also supposed to be the same lake. This was back in November when things were pretty damn bad. 

Yeah, that's supposed to be a lake. I'm going to give a hint as to where I am and let you know that this is Falls Lake, which is in Wake County and Durham County in NC. Falls Lake is a man-made lake that was created in the late 1970s when they dammed the Neuse River. Falls Lake is where I fell in love with my husband, when he and I started dating, and he took me out on his boat (not Fuckingboat. This one was smaller and a lot more manageable. We ended up having to sell it in order to live). When he took me out on the lake the first time I was amazed. I had driven past the lake many times on my way to BFFs house, but I had no idea how huge it was until I got out onto the water. And in 2004 the water was wide and deep. It was a good year.

Things started going down hill in 2006. The rains just didn't come. By this past winter of 2007 there were sections of Falls Lake that you could walk across to get from one bank to the other. Boating cut down considerably, since the larger boats wouldn't be able to manage even the marked channels. Little bass boats and john boats were still going out, but they don't need as much water. As far as I could tell, fishing was still fine. We got Fuckingboat out once last spring before the water went away, and then as things worsened there was no way to get her out again. She's just too big.

Back in December they said that the City would run out of water in March. Well, March is halfway through and we've gotten some measurable rains since then so the situation is less dire. However, we still need 8.46 inches of rain to make it to normal. We need that prior to this summer when the heat comes (days of 107 degrees last year). 

Please cross your fingers that this spring is a wet one, no matter what the meteorologists say will happen. We just need the water so badly. 

It's Back

We woke up this morning to this. Granted, not that bad yet, but there's definitely a thin coating of pollen on the vehicles. The bad part is that it also got damp overnight, so the pollen is stuck quite firmly. Awesome. This is early. About two weeks early, so I'm fearing we're going to have a pretty horrendous spring.

The Bradford Pears are also losing their flowers, and yesterday it was snowing white petals everywhere. It literally looked like a blizzard. The maple tree has leaf buds, and so do all of our flowering shrubs. The azaleas  look like they'll be blooming in about 2 weeks. We've had an abnormally warm winter, and there have even been bees out there all winter. Bees. We had bees in January.

My sage plant that I trimmed down is actually putting out leaves already, and I estimate it'll be full sized in about a month. The Parsley from Another Planet never died this year at all. It seriously looks like the drought isn't affecting the herbs, which makes sense when you consider that herbs are simply weeds that we plant on purpose.

I need to rake the leaves out of the garden sometime in the next week. I also need to transplant my giant lavender, rosemary, and wormwood plants into the back circle garden that we ended up with after we got rid of our above ground pool. I'm not certain when to do that. I would assume the best time would be after rain, if we ever get any. I'm hoping desperately that the plants won't be harmed in the move. If we sell the Fuckingboat I told Rich that we'll be spending quite a bit of money on plants this year. The circle garden has a 15 ft diameter. It needs to be filled.

Last year the deer ate my caladium, and the bunnies ate my ornamental grass. I'm not sure what to do this year about that even though I planted a lilac tree in the center so as to deter deer. Apparently it wasn't big enough to work. Any good ideas for deterring deer would be welcome at this point, as the plants aren't cheap and having put all of that work into planting only to have them grazed down really pisses me off. I even put out corn for them last year and after they were done that they moved onto my plants. Awesome.

I might even ask Rich to watch Livvie tomorrow so I can get a start on things. I just need to get out there.

EDIT: While Livvie was napping today I managed to dig up all three herb bushes and get them transplanted in the back circle garden. I am filthy and have to wait for Livvie to wake up to shower. But I'm happy. :)

Fuckingboat

Fuckingboat came into our lives in October of 2005. We had just gotten married, and Rich went down to the marina just to look around. He found this giant boat that needed a TON of work for $1500 including the trailer. So he came and got me, and I agreed that the boat was quite cool. He offered them $1000 and she was ours. Luckily we had received $1200 for our wedding just a few days prior.

Rich began working on her after he got home from work nights. Everything needed overhauling, and I helped as much as I could but it basically became a one man job. We ordered new vinyl to cover the ceiling and walls, and that racked up the bill a bit. The tabletop needed replacing (yes there's a table in it. With a sink.) and that racked up even more funds. I'd estimate that on our practically free boat we ended up spending about $3000. Everything needed repair or replacing. EVERYTHING. And the toilet ended up in the trash, because um, ew.

This isn't to say that it's not worth it per se, because it gave Rich a project to work on and he's one of those dudes who simply can't sit still. So there were many trips to Home Depot and Boaters World, many online orders for small parts, etc... I just stayed in the house and let him do his thing. It was fine. Until...

Livvie was born. I'd say within 3 months of her being born he was back out on Fuckingboat almost every single night for some amount of time. It got very frustrating to me because he could leave the crying and carrying on and I couldn't. I had a garden going to bleh out in the yard, which desperately needed some care and wasn't getting any. Fuckingboat was receiving top of the line treatment. He built lights for the roof of her, he bought her new cushions. He was babying that thing with enough TLC to make you want to barf. And um, it wasn't fair. That's when she became Fuckingboat. All one word. I started to hate it.

Rich decided last fall that we needed to sell Fuckingboat to help pay off some bills. He was going to offer her for about $7500 because of the amount of work and time that went into getting it in shape. And let me tell you, he did do a GREAT job. She's beautiful. However, people don't buy boats in the fall/winter, and they especially don't buy boats when the drought is so bad that there's barely any water in the lake. Especially when the boat is as big as this one. So she sat in our driveway. And Rich began to invent smaller projects to work on her. The price dropped to $5500.

We have had five people come to look at her since the winter. Everyone loves her. No one wants her because she's too big for them to handle. Honestly this thing reminds me of the SS Minnow. The last guy came out on Sunday night and said that he'd be back with his wife. Haven't heard a peep out of them yet. It's becoming quite sad. We don't desperately need the money, but it would be nice to have. I just know that after all of this I want her out of the driveway and on someone else's back. She's driving me nuts.

Here's the thing though. If Fuckingboat sells Rich will be finding another cheap "project" boat to work on. I guess that's fine, now that Livvie is older and generally hangs out and plays, but I want equal time. If he's going to be out there in the evenings he needs to let me get into the garden some weekends. It's only fair, right?

Well this sucks

I have to go to the grocery store this morning. Aside from the fact that I'm once again freaking out about driving (even though I took the meds for it last night) I have to deal with "Brian."

Brian is always there. He is a comic book geek, and the first few times he saw me I was wearing a Spider-Man T-Shirt and the next time a Captain America T-Shirt. Unfortunately they're a bit tight, and I had no idea because I'm stupid, but he was staring at my boobs. The reason I know this now is because Rich has gone with me a few times, and he has caught him in the act.

Brian always tries to make small talk with me. Every time I see him now I feel like I need to take a shower afterwards. He always makes sure he compliments Livvie, and that makes me feel even more creeped out. Do NOT look at my kid, Brian. I swear to God, do NOT look at my kid.

He once gave me a business card that had the information for his website on it. I threw it out when I got home. Every time I go in there now he makes it a point to ask me if I've visited it, and I always make up some excuse for why I haven't gotten a chance. I once told him I wasn't on the computer very much (as if) and that if I got a chance I'd check. The next time I went in he let me know that I wouldn't be able to see it for awhile because they were switching servers. Um, Brian, that takes about 5 minutes to do.

Brian stared at me so hard last time that at the end of the transaction he asked me if I had a grocery store discount card. I had given it to him at the beginning of the transaction. Lovely.

So today I'm hoping against hope that he won't be there. Really. Because if he keeps this up I swear to God I'll end up punching him in the face. And then washing my hand.

EDIT to ADD: He bagged my order today. And he made such an obvious point of not looking at me that I think last time Rich must have given him The Look. 

You know...

It had to happen. I coughed on Rich's head last night. He said, "Ugh that's disgusting!" and then pulled farther away from me in the bed. It wasn't my fault. I was asleep when it happened and didn't have time to cover my mouth before I expectorated everywhere on the back of his head.

He's pretty ticked off this morning because he needed to get a good night's sleep last night for work today and I kept him up coughing all night. He isn't ticked at me, don't get that impression, but he is pretty pissed that after he went to bed early on purpose he ended up awake all night. Know what? I'm pissed too. I was exhausted last night and didn't even manage to stay upright to watch TV, and when the TV went off I was asleep within seconds. And then the coughing started again. I couldn't find a position to keep me from doing it. Upright didn't work, sides were bad, stomach was REALLY bad. It sucked.

So Rich's alarm went off this morning and we got up and I made coffee. The coffee is helping a little bit, the steam from it I'm assuming, but today is much worse than yesterday and I foresee... a doctor in my future. I do NOT want to go to the doctor. I hate doctors. They're nice people and all, but I just can't stand them poking and prodding and ESPECIALLY sticking things in my ears and down my throat. I have been known to smack an otoscope out of a doctor's hand when it started bothering me too much. Plus, how the hell am I going to wing an exam for me with Livvie in the room? I have no baby sitter. Is she supposed to run around on the floor pulling down blood pressure cuffs while I sit on the table getting a Strep swab done? And I swear, the next time some nurse gags me with a Strep swab I'm going to barf on her head.

Plus there's the whole added thing of funds. I currently do not have enough money for a co-pay + prescriptions, even if the prescriptions are generic. Rich needs his debit card for the day and he's currently the only one who has a decent amount of cash in his account. I'm not even sure what our co-pay is now, since our insurance switched on January 1st. It could be $50 for all I know. I could call, but that would be a pain in the ass. Nothing like being surprised when you get to the office.

So yes, this has just been one giant whine. I'm not good at being sick. I suck at it. They say men are super bad at it, but I'm pretty much able to give them a run for their money. So I guess I'll keep taking Robitussin and Sudaphed and hope this whole thing goes away. I'm pretty sure we've passed cold and gotten into the realm of sinus infection/bronchitis. Hey, maybe that means I'll quit smoking...

Crabs

The first time my father took me crabbing I was about 5 years old. He would rent small boats and we would go to Barnegat Bay off the coast of New Jersey. We had maybe 6 crab traps, and depending on the time of the season we would catch males or females. Pregnant females were illegal to keep, and anything under 4 inches had to be thrown back. Who would eat those anyway right?

We would catch crabs called spider crabs sometimes. Those were the ugliest things you could even imagine. My dad, being the environmentalist he was (snort) used to jam his knife through them and toss them overboard so they wouldn't hit the traps and steal the bait again. It was horrifying, but I got used to it.

We would stay out for hours, and usually would bring home about 30-40 crabs. Once we got home we would have a feast for the entire street, with newspapers on the table and beer for the adults. Dad would give me sips and I loved it. I have been a beer drinker since I took my first steps for my dad's can of Pabst. Ick right? I didn't know any better, and apparently neither did he. 

After my dad died when I was 11 my best friend's dad took over the job of taking me crabbing. He actually had a boat, and we went to the same areas where my dad and I went. We also flounder fished while crabbing, and I caught two my first time trying. It was so exciting, but her dad made me kiss the first fish (apparently a tradition for the first fish you ever catch) and I got scales on my lips. No one told me about them and when I got home I found them. Awesome.

When I was 22 I decided to start crabbing again, and I bought my own traps and lines, and would go to the bait shop to buy squid for bait. I took a few friends with me, and that's when it got interesting. They had never been before. Never eaten crabs. Never been on boats even, and I wasn't sure how things would go. We got to the boat rental, I handed over my cash, and we got in. I hadn't driven a boat since I was 10 years old, and I was freaking out. I managed to follow the channel markers to a good spot, and we threw down our traps. We had a styrofoam cooler to put our catch in, and we got going. I'd say we caught about 20, which wasn't a bad haul. We threw seaweed on top of them to keep them wet, and then it was time to go back. One of my friends decided he wanted to try driving, and I let him. That's when a thunderstorm came up, and we needed to book it. He was going so fast that he totally didn't see a buoy and ran over it. I was sitting on the back rail of the boat, and I turned around and the buoy popped up behind me like Jaws. It was insane. I took over the boat after smacking him upside the head.

After that little trip I never crabbed again. I have no idea why. I also didn't have crabs again until my wedding in 2005. I was 34 years old. 12 years without a crab. It was very depressing. For our wedding we rented a room at Woody's Crab Shack in Elkton, Maryland. If anyone reading this ever gets to Maryland I suggest you go. I am planning to buy some this summer from a local seafood store, but it won't be the same as eating your own catch. Maybe sometime in the next 12 years I can get out there again. I really want to teach Livvie how.

General Updates

Yesterday went fine with The Kid. She took an afternoon nap and then went to bed at 720 and was asleep by 745 I'd say. This morning she let me sleep in (which I needed) and woke up at 815. Rock on. Crossing my fingers that today goes as well.

The reason I needed to sleep in is that I managed to get a fully fledged cold. Coughing, nose issues, the whole shebang. I drank NINE 16.9oz bottles of water yesterday to stay hydrated. Nine. I was out of juice or I would have been drinking that. I had gotten over the throat thing a few days ago, and I guess it didn't shut the door on the way out because the cold virus gave a YIPPEE! and ran right in. Awesome.

I still don't have my new meds (Geodon) because by the time their order came in i no longer had the funds to purchase it. I'm still on the Seroquel for now and doing great. I love it. I don't want to stop taking it, which is something I'd like to discuss with Headologist #1 at our next appointment.

Rich has been honoring the coffee mug agreement and has been using only his own mugs, or my least favorite ones if his are in the dishwasher. This is good because it keeps me from snapping unreasonably in the mornings over what really would be a non-issue at any other time than 730am.

Does anyone have any questions about other things they'd like updates on? I'm feeling kinda poorly and just don't have it in me to write a full post today, but I'd be happy to answer questions as the day goes on. Thanks y'all. I hope to be myself again soon.

Post #2: Tree

Good Lord.

I called the power company this morning after 8 (because remember, trees are only supposed to fall between the business hours of 8-5, Monday through Friday), and reported our tree. The woman I talked to, Melissa, was a dolt. I gave her the information and she said, 'So you have a limb down?" No. As I said, It's an entire Pine Tree. "Ok, so there's an oak tree on your wires?" No. Pine Tree. "Oh right, you said that." Then she actually "Duh'd" herself. She said she'd send someone right out.

Right out turned out to be 3 hours later. They sent ONE guy, in a regular truck. He got out of the truck, stared at the tree, and went and got a pole. A couple of times he tried to push the tree up with the pole. Um, no. Then he attempted to use the pole to move the wiring out from under the tree. He succeeded with exactly one wire. He tried for 20 more min with the other two wires. No go.

So he went back to the truck and got this hooky-cutty thingy to attach to the pole. For the next 15 minutes he attempted to cut the end off of the tree. He didn't get far. Then he got on the phone and talked to someone for about 10 minutes. After his conversation he went back to attempting to saw the tree. He wasn't getting very far, and in my head I could see the tree falling all of the way down onto the phone lines. Which would have sucked.

While he was sawing Rich came home and the dude said, "I wouldn't recommend parking there." because his truck was in our driveway and Rich had to park in front of him. Rich said, "Well I have to park somewhere." After negotiations Rich pulled onto the lawn and the dude moved to the front of the driveway.

Dude went back to sawing the tree while Rich and I stood and watched. As he got closer to getting through it I then saw in my mind the entire end of the tree falling on his head. The tree broke, he hopped backwards fairly quickly for a big dude, and the end of the tree landed on the ground. He took the hooky-cutty thingy off of the pole and managed to move the wires out from under the rest of the tree. The tree came down with a crash.

So this guy worked by himself for over an hour on our little situation. I feel kind of sorry for him, because if they had sent the cherry picker it could have been done in five minutes.

So there's my excitement for the day. Hope everyone is having a good Monday. :)

Warning: Parenting Post

Which will probably be boring to many of you.

My first words in this tale will be, Fucking Time Change. We'll start with that. Livvie woke up at 840 yesterday morning, which was actually 740 and was about her usual wake time. So for her nap I decided to stick to our regular schedule and put her down at about noon for a 1230 sleep. No go. She screamed and cried for 30 min until I got her out again. I tried again at 130. This time she threw her bottles out of her crib and became inconsolable. I got her out after 30 min. I tried again at 2 something, and we had a repeat of the priors. So it became a no nap day.

No problem right? I'd just put her down at 630 and she should be plenty tired by then to get to sleep. No go. She cried for 10 minutes because it was still light in her room. Ok. 10 minutes is dealable. Then she got quiet. Asleep? No idea. What I do know is that at 723 on the dot she started screaming and was hysterical. I waited until I knew for sure she wasn't lying down anymore and then went and got her. She was losing her mind. She wouldn't let us hold her, and she literally ran around the house screaming for 20 minutes. Twenty full minutes of ear splitting screeching. We couldn't figure out what was going on. Gas? Teeth? Sore throat? It was awful. We managed to get some Tylenol into her and then I basically forced her to sit in my arms where I ended up rocking her for a full hour. You could tell when the Tylenol kicked in, because after about 20 minutes the screeching became whines, and then slowly tapered down to making a sound every once in awhile. By 9pm she was relaxed in my arms, and I carried her to bed. She never made a peep this time; it was very dark in her room and I would peg that she was asleep by 930.

She woke up at 815 this morning. 11.25 hours. Not terrible, but she usually sleeps 12-13. She will require a nap today but I'm terrified that we'll have a repeat of yesterday. I ended up going to bed at 930 myself last night because I just wanted the day to fucking be over. I'm pretty sure I was asleep by 945 at the latest.

This morning she's pretty happy and tractable, and I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Somedays I hate my job so much I feel like walking right the hell out on her while she's acting up. I end up going outside to smoke 2-3 times when she's sobbing before naptime, and she almost ALWAYS cries pre-nap. I just can't listen to it.

Cross your fingers fr us today, because if this happens again my brain will be goggling all over the place. I didn't medicate myself yesterday with anything but beer, and I don't want to end up giving in today.

Thanks for reading. I'll attempt a more fun post tomorrow. I just had to get this out.

Your Pic for the Day

Just wanted to share this one, because it's almost impossible to get a pic without a bottle in her mouth.

Cheers!

You have GOT to be kidding me...

There are tree ambulance chasers. Yesterday afternoon I went out on the deck to smoke and stare at The Tree (and yes, it still dangles) when a pick up truck pulled into the driveway and a guy got out and said, "Hey! You want us to take that tree down for you?" I think I blinked a few times and then I said, "No thank you, we have the power company coming out. Besides, it isn't our tree." He said ok and then gave me his business card for any future tree emergencies. 

So. The power company never sent anyone out yesterday. I'm getting this feeling that I'll have to wait for Monday after all when that particular office is open to report "tree on power line." Lovely.

What else can I say on a Sunday? Is there anything else going on?

I guess one thing I can mention is that with the time change we're screwed for Livvie's bedtime. She's been going to bed at 630-7 for months now, and even at 630 it's still dark. I guess not anymore. I'm going to have to attempt to put her to bed while it's still light out and I'm not certain that's going to work. She totally associates the dark with sleeping, and at least at bedtime there's rarely any fuss. Many people have mentioned black out curtains, and it might be worth giving them a try. Tonight should be interesting though.

PS...I've noticed that many people are clicking on the photo of the rainbow on the left hand side of my blog, right under the photo of Clancy. That's the rainbow he sent me 3 days after he died. In February. How many rainbows do you ever see in February?

I was going to leave you a photo to start your day (or finish it) but Blogger is unfortunately being recalcitrant. I guess I'll try again later.

Happy Sunday everyone!

Not Again

On December 4th of 2002 we had an ice storm. I lived in an apartment at the time, and I had to park my car (a sweet Saturn station wagon) on the street. At 9am on December 5th I was asleep and heard a giant crash. Without even checking I knew it was the Saturn.

I put on my coat and went outside and discovered a giant limb where the roof of my car used to be. All of my neighbors were outside. The back windshield was blown in, and there were glass and leaves in the hatch of my car. I quietly sobbed while I pulled the leaves and smaller branches out, uselessly, and even though at the point I had quit smoking for 3 months one of my neighbors handed me a pack of Marlboro lights. I will love her forever for that.

I called Geico, my insurance carrier at the time, still in tears. I told the lady that a tree had fallen on my car, and the first thing she said was, "You must live in North Carolina." Yep. I did. We arranged for me to take the car to a place to repair it, and ended the call. I was without my car for NINE weeks due to the heavy volume of destroyed vehicles in the area. They gave me a loaner, but it wasn't the same. And to be truthful, my car was never the same again either. I was convinced its heart had been broken.

In 2003 due to the issues with the Saturn I bought a Nissan Frontier pick up truck. I immediately loved that truck even more than the Saturn. It's my buddy. It's got a few dents in it now from being hit in parking lots, but that doesn't matter to me. I think it gives the truck character.

Today is windy. We're having 50mph wind gusts, and it's insane out there. I was sitting on my computer and suddenly heard a giant slamming sound. I knew. I just knew. I glanced out the window as I grabbed the keys to my truck and saw a giant dead pine tree supported by the power lines hanging over my truck. I ran out and threw myself into the truck, praying to everything and everyone holy that the tree wouldn't come down while I was in there. I slammed the truck into reverse and pulled forward into Rich's parking space. The truck is covered with giant pieces of scraped off bark. The tree still dangles.

I called the power company to report a downed tree and discovered that the office that handles that is open from Monday-Friday. OK then. I then called back and reported a complete power outage to get the damn asshats out here to remove the tree, because if it falls all the way we're fucked. 

In the meantime my adrenaline is so high that I smoked 4 times in one hour and am seriously considering having a drink. Seriously. I mean, how could something like this happen twice to the same person? Granted, my truck escaped unscathed, but it was a narrow miss. The tree is currently 10 feet above where the truck sat.

So. I hope everyone is having a better day than I'm now having. And please cross your fingers for me that nothing like this ever happens again. I'd have to be hospitalized.

what the hell are you shaking for im the one she's going to eat

That, folks, would be the actual Google search someone used to land on my blog overnight. I just checked. There is NOTHING in Google that mirrors that phrase exactly. So this morning I'm sitting here wondering what the fuck this person was searching for? Are they writing a song, and they needed to make sure those particular lyrics weren't taken? Is it a phrase that came to them in the middle of the night and they were wondering where they heard it? I'm totally flabbergasted over this one.

I totally get the searches for say, Little Einsteins that end up on my blog. It makes sense to me. Here's another one I don't get though. In the past month and a half I have had literally 28 people from all over the world including Manitoba and Stockholm and somewhere in Brazil land on my blog by searching for this image. It wigs me out. Why on God's green earth would Anya from Buffy suddenly merit dozens of searches for a photo of her singing? (Yes, I said Buffy. So I love Buffy. And yes I figured out how to get Buffy into a post about gardening. Back off.)

My favorite all time Google search that ended up here was when someone Googled "Mike Rowe Shirtless" and ended up on a post about Mike Rowe (Dirty Jobs. Watch it sometime) being competent and therefore sexy, and how my husband is at his sexiest when he's in the middle of competently working on a project and emerges all shirtless and sweaty and manly. I Googled images of Mike Rowe shirtless and only found two. I'm sure whoever that original person was kept clicking on links like crazy (there can't be just 2!!).

So for today, I ask you to come up with an explanation of "what the hell are you shaking for im the one she's going to eat." Anything at all. No matter how strange, because it really couldn't be made any weirder.

Raise Your Hand

How many of you dust? Ok, how many of you move things when you dust instead of just dusting around them? I rarely dust. In fact, I can count on one hand the number of times in one year that I've dusted. Usually I wait until Rich makes some snarky comment like how he can't breathe, and, without pointing out to him that the fan he uses in our room is covered with gunk blowing into his face all night, I'll get out a baby wipe and dust some things down. FYI, baby wipes make excellent dusting cloths and they're cheaper than Swiffers. I recommend the Target brand.

Ok, now everyone who washes the windows raise your hand. Uh huh. That's what I thought. I've lived in this house for 3 and a half years and I have never washed the windows. Discounting the fact that on the outside of the windows are some pretty evil shrubberies, I've never even done the insides. When we moved Livvie's room Rich washed the insides of what were to be her windows, simply to get the cat gunk off, but that's been IT in 3 and a half years. 

Next, everyone who mops regularly raise your hand. By regularly I mean about once a week. Yeah, we don't. In fact, I can't remember the last time we actually got out the mop instead of spot wiping down the floor with damp paper towels. My method of keeping the floor clean usually is to drop something or spill something on the floor and then call Ginny over to lick it up. She does a good job. For dry stuff instead of getting out the broom I haul out the Dyson and use the bare floor setting and simply vacuum the entire kitchen. Why? Because I'm too lazy to actually use a broom and dustpan.

Ok, now, when was the last time everyone actually cleaned the baseboards? I mean REALLY cleaned them instead of just using a vacuum attachment. Yeah, I don't remember either. In fact, the last time I used even the vacuum attachment was right before the new sofa and rug arrived, because we had the furniture shifted around and could get to them. Prior to that I have no memory of cleaning them at all.

So what is all of this about? Well, it's spring cleaning time and I need another buddy. Nina and I play the Chore Game via IM where we'll set a time period of say, 15 min and each have to complete a task within the allotted time and then report back. Most of the time this involves dishes etc, but the harder tasks are accomplished in longer bites of time. Why do I need another buddy? Because I'm cheating on Nina. No, seriously, I need one because Nina is Very Busy some days and I have plenty of time to sit on my ass and surf the web when I should honestly be accomplishing something of value. The four things mentioned above are only the beginning.

So if you want to be my back-up chore buddy raise your hand. You'll have to understand that Nina comes first, but say, Tuesdays and Thursdays I'll need some help. Honestly the game is the only way I can get things done sometimes.

Gin and Summer

Ok, when I wrote my post about my love for whiskey I totally neglected to mention my love for Gin. I buy one bottle a summer, and once again it's the biggest bottle, because it generally lasts me all summer. I stock up on limes and tonic water, and i have a special glass.

My love affair with the Gin and Tonic started one summer's day in 1995 when I went for drinks on the Moshulu. The Moshulu is a ship in Philadelphia that is supposedly haunted. They restored it and turned it into a cafe and restaurant. And bar. My ex and I met a friend of mine there and spent the day drinking gin and soaking up the sun. As of that day I was hooked.

My very next favorite Gin experience was when Nina and I went to the beach (in fact, I believe there is a photo of my beach legs on her blog). There's a restaurant there (and I'm not telling you where) where you can sit on the pier and eat oysters and drink Gin and Tonics and feed the pigeons hush puppies. The hush puppies were fabulous. We ate like savages and drank in the sun and watched the college boys run around chasing girls. It was an absolute blast. Did I ever mention how much I adore Nina? I would walk on hot coals for her simply because she drove that first time and landed us with a parking ticket.

My next happiest Gin experience doesn't even involve tonic. Nina and I took another beach trip with two other girls, and one of them brought something wonderful. She took a 2 liter bottle of ginger ale and turned it into a Tom Collins. The gals in the back seat drank out of it while I drove this time (yes, open container, shut it), and when we got to the beach we had a disallowed substance in our cooler. If I recall correctly we also had Barbara's Blue Cheese snacks and some candy. I got the recipe for a Tom Collins from the girl who brought it, and in my memory that was the only summer I bought more than one bottle of Gin. I also bought a 10 pound bag of sugar. Want the recipe?

One Jigger of Gin

One Tablespoon Sugar

One Tablespoon Lemon Juice

Fill with ice and ginger ale

Naturally while I was pregnant I couldn't drink Gin, so my summer was basically an unhappy one. I made myself "virgin" Tom Collinses, but according to everything I found on Google tonic water is not good for developing fetuses. Dammitall. So I had to wait until last summer, when I finally got to sip again the lovely, wonderful, juniper taste of Gin. And now that the weather is warming up I'm looking very forward to that day in May when I'll hit the ABC store and pick up this year's bottle.

Still Sick

I crashed at about 830 last night. This is after having fallen asleep in the recliner WHILE Livvie played in the living room. Great mom huh? At least Rich was home to make sure she didn't kill herself somehow.

I woke up at about 640 this morning because I couldn't swallow at all anymore. Once I was vertical and tried a few times swallowing resumed, but it's still pretty sore. None of the broken glass feeling of yesterday, now it's more like an ache.

So where are all of my friends? I know I end up getting up super early because of the kid, but there's not a single soul on IM anywhere. Rich is still in bed and I have no one to talk to. I'm very sad about this, since as you probably all have guessed I love to talk. Anyone else up this early? Does anyone get up while it's still dark and need a bud to drink coffee with? My MSN IM is MarinaVert@hotmail.com. AIM is simply MarinaVert. Nina refers to me as Vert, and that's ok too.Y'all can call me whatever you like on your buddy list. Yes, I'm whining again, this time for company. I hate being sick. I really suck at it. Especially since I can't take days off to lie in bed and read and watch Lord of the Rings.

I've already had my two allotted cups of coffee, and Livvie is still in bed. Other than the being sick thing, this is a perfect morning. I thought for sure she'd wake up early this morning because she went to bed late and I figured she'd only sleep 11 hours, but it's already been 11 and a quarter. I'm hoping we can make it to 8am. I love my morning time alone when I get it. I love catching up on email, reading blogs, drinking my coffee, going outside and watching the traffic jam...oh wait, yeah. Not that bit.

One time I stood and watched the traffic jam and I counted SUVs. In the space of 5 minutes 25 of them went by. Another time I counted the number of people on cell phones in 5 minutes, and 32 of them went by. I also counted the lady applying eye makeup for good measure. It amazes me that we can basically live in the boonies, but since we're on a main road we get this phenomenal amount of traffic. I would love to move somewhere with a small house and say, 7-12 acres where you have a twisty turny driveway that takes you far away from the road. We're fairly close to the road here, most of our land is in the back yard, and if we have our blinds open everyone can see all up in our bidness.

Ok, I'm going to close this meaningless, cold medicine inspired post now. I hope everyone has a fabulous day, and try to stay well.

WHINE

No real post today. I'm getting sick. Woke up with a sore throat that's getting worse, started getting sick, and now I'm dizzy with a headache. Jen, you gave this to me didn't you???? Snort.

By the way, Cepacol throat spray works for approximately two minutes before wearing away and leaving you feeling like you want to gag.

Oh, I can tell you one thing. Last night we had pretty bad storms, the power went out, so the carbon monoxide detector beeped and freaked the dogs out. They then proceeded to knock down the baby gate to get into the living room. I was up from 1145 until 1am, after having put the gate back up. They whined the entire remainder of the storm. At least the power came back on. I was not looking forward to having no milk for Livvie this morning.

I have no energy to deal with her this morning, and she's playing by herself. Happily, thank the gods.

If this starts to get any better, I swear I'll have a better post later. Right now I'm going to take some Advil and chill.

Smooches to all of you.

Headologist Times Two

I'm freaking out. I went to the shrink today, and things went well for the most part. A fifteen minute appointment turned into a 45 minute appointment, but that was expected given how crazy I am lately. I feel pretty comfortable with her again, even after the phone call debacles. That's pretty good. She took me very seriously, and we're switching meds again. The reason for this is that apparently Seroquel causes weight gain, and she doesn't think I need anymore of that. She does want me to keep it on hand for emergencies though. She's going to wean me off of the Abilify, because it's apparently not working any longer, and she's going to put me on an anti-psychotic called Geodon. She says it has fewer side effects, including no weight gain, but according to Jennyquarx it does cause general loopiness. I also have to take it with food, so I guess that means I'll have to start eating breakfast.

I finally got a chance to discuss my anxiety with her, you know, the anxiety about leaving the house because we might get into a terrible accident and Livvie might get killed? I told her that I have no problems leaving the house by myself, or when Rich is driving, but if I'm the one behind the wheel with her in the car I wig out. I know it's ridiculous, and even Rich agrees it's silly. So she's putting me on Clonazepam, an anti-anxiety drug that has less of an addictive value than say, Ativan or Xanax. She wants me to take it the night before I have to go somewhere with Livvie, but not every day. I'm very excited about this, because the panic attacks are just awful.

So why am I freaking out? Well, I now have to see an actual therapist as well to work on the anxiety. A TALK therapist. I don't want to talk. I don't want to open myself up to a stranger at all. I prefer not to spill my guts and possibly end up sobbing my eyes out, and they're very good at making that happen. I sort of like not dealing. I sort of like the idea that meds could temporarily take care of things. I don't WANT to go. I have to go in 2 weeks, and I have a feeling I'll need to take the clonazepam the night before that as well. Did I mention that I don't want to go?

I have to see my regular doc in 2 weeks as well for a med evaluation, and I'm totally fine with that. Another thing I'm dreading though is that I'll have to take Livvie with me to both appointments, and I have a feeling this won't go well. I can't imagine spilling my guts with my daughter in the room.

I also have to get a book to read, called The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. Immediately my first thought was, "Oh how retarded is that?" but I guess I'll have to do it.

Now that I have all of that out of the way, I need to tell you that the quitting smoking thing is NOT going well. Although the Seroquel was helping, it just didn't do enough to keep me from wanting to self-medicate. Also, Rich failed miserably, and I simply can't not smoke when he is. It's virtually impossible. So. I'm not certain when we'll try again, but I'm hoping it's soon.

Thank you everyone for sticking with me through this ride. No matter how I might sound, it does make things easier to deal with.

Post #2, Meme

Nina has tagged me to particpate in a meme. This is a rather interesting one, and I'm required to tag 5 of you in turn.

The meme is that you need to turn to page 123 of any book, and then quote the 5th sentence on the page either in a post of your own or in my comments. Then you get to tag 5 people as well.

Here's mine:

"The new boy in town, the one who had a traveling salesman as a father."

I hereby tag

Dagny

LizB

Annie

Jennyquarx

WyrdWriter

Hope you participate!

The Dishes

I hate doing dishes. Desperately hate doing dishes. In fact, when I lived on my own I would rinse dishes and then leave them in the sink for weeks. Eventually I would run out of things to eat off of or drink out of, and it would be time to do the dishes. The problem was that I had no counters. NONE. So I had nowhere to pile the dishes as I washed them. Then one day I had a brilliant idea. The washing machine was right next to the sink. I decided to fill it with hot water and a bit of bleach and put the dishes in there to soak. It was a fabulous idea, and it worked great. I would pull one dish at a time out of the washing machine and wash it in the sink. I was loving it. Eventually I ended up leaving the dishes in the washing machine to soak for a few days at a time. I didn't usually fill with water to the top because that would be a waste of resources. When the dishes were done I'd empty the washer of water until next time.

And then.

One day I decided to wash my laundry. I'm pretty sure you can see where this is going. Per the instructions on the machine I filled the washer with water and soap before putting the clothes in. I got busy doing something else, and then from the living room I heard CLINK SMASH. First thought was "Huh?" Second thought was "FUCK!" as I ran into the kitchen and shut off the washer. I then spent the next two hours pulling broken china and glass out of the machine trying not to cut myself in the process. I managed to get every piece, drained the washer, and never used it again.

Later on I moved in with Rich. We had standoffs regarding the dishes. We didn't have a working dishwasher at the time, and once again everything needed to be washed in the sink. At least this time there was counter space. That didn't matter, as we'd go a week without doing any dishes and then pull forks out of the sink and wash them alone so we had something to eat with.

I had a brain storm. And this is what it was: 

Yes. That is actually a kiddie pool full of Dawn and plastic storage containers. I left them in there to soak for hours, and then would carry them about three at a time into the kitchen to wash them in the sink. It was at this point that we realized the dishes would never get done in a timely manner unless we got a dishwasher. Luckily, some of my friends from my diabetic cat message board chipped in for a wedding present and we finally went to Sears and bought one. 

So now the dishes are done at least every other day. I also make a fair attempt at washing the pots and pans from the night before every morning, but sometimes they stay in the sink until I need them to make dinner. One of my biggest thrills is seeing empty sinks, which is kind of sad when you think about it, but hey, at least I'm not a total redneck anymore.

Java Java Java Java

A long time ago I worked in the coffee bar/cafe section of a fairly well known book store as a manager. It sounds pretty easy, and it sounds like fun, but it's neither. One reason was that I had to deal with people asking me for coffee in cup sizes that I had never heard of. I'm sure you've seen the new Dunkin Donuts commercial where they say a large is a large? Yeah, that's what I ended up telling people. I even think that we did have kooky little names for our sizes, but I refused to use them if we did. In fact, quite often I'd even pass by the small, medium, and large and go straight to, "Do you want 12, 16, or 20 ounces?" Made life easier for me. 

I hated that job. Seriously, I had absolutely loved coffee before I started working in that section of the store, and by the end of 18 months the smell made me want to gag. I came home every single night smelling like damp, nasty, old, used coffee, and it was vile. The floors smelled like spilled coffee no matter how much they were cleaned (and frankly, I can think of a couple of people who really didn't clean that well). People used to take their mugs to a seat, and then when we went to retrieve them, because heaven forbid someone take their dishes to the bus bin, these mugs would have wadded up napkins and stirrers and often empty Sweet N Low packets in them. So yeah, thanks you asshat for making it so simple for me to clean my dishes. UGH having to reach into the cup that someone had just had his/her mouth on to get the trash out. I hate touching things that other people have used in this way. Bussing their silverware always made me barf a little in the back of my throat.

Anyway, back to coffee. Well, let me tell you that after 18 months I could make you any type of coffee drink you could ever think of. I made them well too. Being a control freak I'd usually have to walk away from the espresso machine if someone else was making a drink because otherwise I'd criticize technique. I mean, seriously. Like we're assembling automobiles or something. I often made my own drinks when I decided I actually wanted one, but there were one or two people that I trusted to make a drink for me without fucking it up. I didn't decide I wanted one often. I basically preferred opening in the mornings because I would make the pots of coffee, fill myself a mug, and get to work. Because that's what I drink. Coffee.

After I left this bookstore cafe and no longer had access to free coffee I started going to Dunkin Donuts almost every morning before work. I had a machine at home, but I was never inclined to use it to make my own coffee after 18 months of making coffee for other people. I never wanted to see another coffee pot again. And let me tell you something I'm sure you've already heard. Dunkin Donuts has COFFEE. They don't have any fancy-ass bullshit yuppie drinks. They have kick ass coffee that is absolutely by far better than ANY of the Starbucks or Seattle's Bests out there. It was lovely walking into the store and having the guy behind the counter start getting my order ready even before I made it to the counter. Medium coffee, double cream double sugar. It was always consistent. It never tasted any different. It was amazing.

After I left that job and wasn't near a Dunkin Donuts any longer I finally broke down and started using the coffee maker. Dealing with the grounds still makes me want to choke someone for not putting the pastries away, or for leaving their headband near the clean plates and cups (hello health inspector!!), and sometimes as I deal with them in the morning I can STILL hear "Manager Call 460! Manager call 460!!!" in my head. I'm drinking coffee though, and coffee is life. I apologized to it for our love/hate relationship, and it seems fine.

Oh, my brand now? Maxwell House. 

Willing to Try Anything

Clockwise: cookies for offering, rosemary annointed candle for change, blessed salt, goblet of water, white candle for purification, plate of herbs (verbena and clover on the edges, tobacco in the center), second white candle for purification.

Like I said, willing to try anything.

Michele and Jennyquarx, if you could light candles for me today that would be great. Thanks.

By Request: Totally Lame and Totally Bwee

Ok, so my daughter (see left) is almost 18 mos old and still can't talk. Oh she used to. At one point she could say Book, Hat, and Up. Somehow she lost those words and replaced them with babble. Her babble consists mainly of D sounds. This is also bizarre, because she used to know many consonants. She also uses vowels a lot, her main one being E.

Except.

A while back she started with a new "word." This is one that's apparently shared by kids, but I'm assuming the meaning is different for each.

Her word is Bwee, and it means she's pissed off. If she's REALLY pissed it comes out as Buh-weeee. This word is used when she doesn't want to nap, when she can't reach a toy, when she hurts herself, when you close the baby gate, when it's time for bed, etc... However, this is interesting. From Urban Dictionary:

Bwee Bwee: The action of when most likely a wimp will be crying or moping making bwee bwee like noises.

I'm fairly convinced that she isn't going to lose this word. She'll be 18 years old and it'll become the new slang in her school. "Oh that is SO bwee. Bweetards. I'm just so bwee about this homework that I could just bwee."

Now, I could be worried that she isn't "really" talking yet, after all, some kids start talking at 9 mos even, but I'm not. First of all I'll start worrying if she turns 2 and doesn't talk yet. 2 seems reasonable. Also, the fact that she's inventing her own vocabulary seems pretty impressive to me. We're working on words every day. Once again Up, Book, and Hat, but we also work on Bottle, Snack, Cookie, and Eat. All she does when we try is laugh at us. Apparently words are hilarious.

She's supposed to have about 20 words by the age of 18 mos, but that just isn't going to happen unless she wakes up one morning and just starts. Again, not gonna happen. So we keep working on her words, and one thing we do is encourage the use of Bwee, because it clearly tells us that she's upset and not just whining for the hell of it. Which she does. Often.