Sunday, February 24, 2008

Manic Much??

I'm officially hypomanic. How else can you explain blogging 7 times in the space of two days? It's fun, being this way, but it's not a good thing. It can easily tip into full blown mania, sometimes with no warning whatsoever. Oh wait, the hypomania IS the warning. 

Let me tell you what has been going through my mind.

Does buying coffee creamer and dishwasher detergent count as a spending spree? What if I add some pretzels? Will that count? Gee I'd really like to buy an end table to go with the sofa. Would Livvie hit her head on it? How many bourbons can I have before I'm considered a drunk? Is 4 too many? How about 6? Does it have to be on a regular basis or can it just be occasionally? Who am I kidding... Do I feel like going to the convenience store if I run out of Coke? Would I have to get dressed to do that or can I go in my sweats? I wonder what last night's dream meant, since I seemed to share it with Jennifer and it was about starving rats. WTF does Rich think about all of this writing? He just came in and said "Tap tap tap tap tap..." teasing me. Oh well. That's fine. Oh good Rich is buying beer. I really wanted a couple of those tonight. I wonder if I have enough money to buy beer tomorrow. Would THAT count as a spending spree? Beer is not necessary. Oh maybe it is.

Etc.

Think that's considered racing thoughts? I do. I'm also talking too fast and eating too much. I'm also drinking wayyyyy too much. Oh, and smoking way too much. Basically I'm doing everything way too much or too fast, and while it's fun for now I'm dreading the fall of the other shoe. Put it this way, as I type this I am carrying on 2 IM conversations, checking Freecycle email, emailing a friend of mine, and drinking a beer. 

Apparently my Abilify isn't working. I do NOT want to take Lithium. I don't. My hair will fall out, I'll get even heavier probably, my hands and my head will palsy, and I'll have to have continual blood work in order to make sure my liver is functioning correctly. I do NOT want to take it. There's a drug now called Invega that is supposed to be antimanic but my insurance won't cover it unless the Abilify is absolutely not working. I'm certain the copay would be ridiculous for it as well. I just wish I wasn't at the max dose for Abilify.

One would think these are ridiculous complaints given how wonderful things are for me right now, and they're pretty frigging good. I feel great. I have energy. I cleaned the chair rails the other day for God's sake. I think that if I could stay this way forever I'd be ecstatic, but I can't. At some point the pendulum will continue to swing, and I'm not entirely certain which way it'll go. 

4 comments:

Jennifer said...

(((hug)))

Now since you ARE hypomanic, could that not be an indication that the meds are NOT working. And if you are at the highest does already....well I'd think that would be all the proof that you would need to change meds.

But that is just my thinking, and not some asshat insurance company.

Hang in there.

xoxo

Nina said...

Surely there are other options besides lithium - what about going back to depakote? Or Nuerontin?

jennyquarx said...

Invega is scary. Bad potential for side effects and made my eyes all weird in the three days I took it.

Are you on Seroquel? Best mania killer out there.

Much love.

Cyn said...

Talk to your doc if you are worried.

Hm I wonder, I sorta think that way a lot. Kinda thought all girls multi tasked and had random thoughts a mile a minute.