Let me tell you what has been going through my mind.
Does buying coffee creamer and dishwasher detergent count as a spending spree? What if I add some pretzels? Will that count? Gee I'd really like to buy an end table to go with the sofa. Would Livvie hit her head on it? How many bourbons can I have before I'm considered a drunk? Is 4 too many? How about 6? Does it have to be on a regular basis or can it just be occasionally? Who am I kidding... Do I feel like going to the convenience store if I run out of Coke? Would I have to get dressed to do that or can I go in my sweats? I wonder what last night's dream meant, since I seemed to share it with Jennifer and it was about starving rats. WTF does Rich think about all of this writing? He just came in and said "Tap tap tap tap tap..." teasing me. Oh well. That's fine. Oh good Rich is buying beer. I really wanted a couple of those tonight. I wonder if I have enough money to buy beer tomorrow. Would THAT count as a spending spree? Beer is not necessary. Oh maybe it is.
Think that's considered racing thoughts? I do. I'm also talking too fast and eating too much. I'm also drinking wayyyyy too much. Oh, and smoking way too much. Basically I'm doing everything way too much or too fast, and while it's fun for now I'm dreading the fall of the other shoe. Put it this way, as I type this I am carrying on 2 IM conversations, checking Freecycle email, emailing a friend of mine, and drinking a beer.
Apparently my Abilify isn't working. I do NOT want to take Lithium. I don't. My hair will fall out, I'll get even heavier probably, my hands and my head will palsy, and I'll have to have continual blood work in order to make sure my liver is functioning correctly. I do NOT want to take it. There's a drug now called Invega that is supposed to be antimanic but my insurance won't cover it unless the Abilify is absolutely not working. I'm certain the copay would be ridiculous for it as well. I just wish I wasn't at the max dose for Abilify.
One would think these are ridiculous complaints given how wonderful things are for me right now, and they're pretty frigging good. I feel great. I have energy. I cleaned the chair rails the other day for God's sake. I think that if I could stay this way forever I'd be ecstatic, but I can't. At some point the pendulum will continue to swing, and I'm not entirely certain which way it'll go.