Thursday, February 28, 2008

Whiskey in the Jar

I have gotten drunk the past 7 days in a row at least. It's true. Each and every day I'm having at least 3 beers and 4-5 bourbon and Cokes. I have the big jug. The one with the handle. I start when Livvie goes to bed and don't stop until it's time for me to go to bed. Oh wait, the other day I had 2 beers and 2 bourbon and Cokes with a water chaser. I did not get drunk that night, so I guess I lied. Thank the gods Rich is staying sober.

Am I an alcoholic? I don't think I am. I do know that I have a drinking problem (with everything: water, Cokes, coffee, booze), and that it's a way of self medicating. Alcohol is a depressant, and right now I need that more than you can even imagine. I imagine that all of this will go away when my new meds really start working, because physically I don't NEED the alcohol. I want it though. If it makes any sense, my brain chemistry is not that of an alcoholic, it's that of a BiPolar person, and the mania needs taming. The booze stops my brain from buzzing. I can safely say that Seroquel has now stopped my brain from buzzing though, so maybe this will be easier than one would think.

I could easily see myself turning into a Britney if I were inclined to go without underwear and even wear miniskirts in the first place (see Size 10 post). I could see it if I didn't have a completely awesome support system, and if I had a ton of sycophants that would get me anything and everything I wanted. This sort of scares me, even though it won't happen. And what can I do so that it won't?

Stop drinking. Not totally, as I have never had a problem with drinking too much beer. Why that is I don't know. I enjoy beer, but drink it in moderation only. Now, once in awhile I HAVE been known to put away a six pack all by myself, but those times have been few and far between. My real problem is with whiskey. Yes. OH yes.

"Now some men take delight in the drinking and the roving,
But others take delight in the gambling and the smoking.
But I take delight in the juice of the barley,
And courting pretty fair maids in the morning bright and early...

musha ring dumma do damma da 
whack for the daddy 'ol
whack for the daddy 'ol
there's whiskey in the jar"

7 comments:

Dagny said...

((hug))

and I KNOW exactly what you mean about taming the buzzing in your head.

Julie said...

Welcome Dagny! And thank you.

:)

jennyquarx said...

I hear ya sister. Good thing I don't buy whiskey anymore. Hope the seroquel starts working soon. Smooches.

Safeena said...

Absolutely are with you on the head-buzzing sensation. I will do anything to go to sleep and make it stop.

You be well now, OK? Than, or come West and drink with Myndie & me.

jen said...

I am a tequila girl, myself.

And you should know that I'm fascinated by you and think your daughter is adorable.

The end.

Michele said...

I hope your new meds start to work soon, so you feel better. I'm not bipolar, (I have my own crazy) and I don't know what you have to go through. But one thing I do know, is coping. If the Beam helps you cope till the meds work, and you know yourself well enough to know... then do what you need to do. You know you got friends here to help if you need it. :)

Julie said...

Jennyquarx- The seroquel seems to be working great. I'm not having any buzzing yet today.

Safeena- I ended up drinking 2 bourbons last night on top of the seroquel and i slept great. This might be harder than I thought.

Jen- Thank you and Thank you. :)

Michele- I'm so glad I have your support. It means the world to me.