Friday, February 29, 2008

Wish Me Luck




I was going to leave this post the screen shot of my calendar, but then something happened this morning that changed my mind.

First of all I woke up and got Livvie, changed her, then went to make coffee. About a third of the way through making the coffee I thought, "Oh Fuck. Today is the first." Uh huh. Slyly I opened the door to look at the window sill on our deck, the one where we keep the smokes. Gone. One full pack and 2 partial packs were gone. My heart hit my chest like a ball doing ninety and I wanted to cry. I almost did.

My heart is still racing with panic.

I know they're not gone permanently. I know he just hid them. This is what makes it harder you see. Now that I KNOW that they're somewhere in the house it will make if far easier to think, "Oh just one. What's one gonna hurt?" etc...

So yeah, wish me luck. I'm already shaking and pacing, and that's just from the very IDEA of the whole thing.

10 comments:

Dagny said...

GOOD LUCK!!

YOU CAN DO IT!!

:)

Dagny said...

Just think about the rich CEO's of big tobacco, laughing all the way to the bank with the money they get from making people kill themselves slowly, with a product that they sell to us. We pay them to kill us!

Fight the power. I am trying too.

Oh, and the wrinkles, don't forget about them either. ;)

Em said...

I'm sure you hear quit stories all the time so I'll give you one more to chew on. My husband was a pack a day smoker for over 10 years. When our son was born he decided he needed to quit for him. He tried several times as do most people. Finally he found quitnet.com (check it out!) joined that and spent time every day on their forums for months. He also found a story of a man who died of lung cancer in his 30s. He'd look at the picture of this man near death in his hospital bed surrounded by his grieving children and that kept him motivated. He's been quit now for almost 5 years I think.

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

EVERY DAY GETS EASIER.

Kelly said...

Good luck! Just trying is in itself a victory!

Nina said...

I agree with Em. Go to quit.net and see if you can find fellow sufferers to chat with and message with on the boards. And if Rich really did hide the cigarettes, just tell him to douse them with water and throw them away. Having them in the house is not going to help anyone. Also if you want to think about what my dad put me through in the last year and a half - because he smoked and got cancer - that might help you a bit, too. Want Livvie to deal with that?

Annie said...

Good luck and big hugs!
You CAN do it!

Michele said...

I'm thinking of you lady!!!

Tell Rich to just get rid of the cigs. They will do you both NO good being in the house.

You CAN do it. Don't let something have that control over you.

jennyquarx said...

Good luck. You have done it before, you can do it this time. Then I can learn from you oh mighty one. :P

Cyn said...

I know you are stronger than the nicotine. You can do it!