I am a BAD Witch

And no, I don't mean a house is going to fall on me and my shoes will be stolen by punks.

I started practicing in 1995. I observed each and every Sabbat, and even some of the Esbats (Sabbats are major holidays, Halloween etc. Esbats are smaller holidays that fall throughout the year). My ex-husband was fine with this, which was good because he would occasionally come into the house to find me at an end table with a circle of string around me, candles, a glass of beer or wine, and almond moon shaped cookies. I liked the cookies a lot.

I had everything a proper witch could want. Tons of reference books, an herb garden complete with worm wood, an athame (see photo above, although mine is not nearly as fancy), a wand, a cauldron, etc. I was so very happy with my path, although I didn't broadcast it. No fancy jewelry, no flowing clothes a la Stevie Nicks, and no visible Magickal tattoos. I was very quiet about it in fact, and no one besides my closest friends even knew.

So time went on, and my life changed. I got divorced and moved into an adjoined apartment, and had barely any furniture at all. I ended up practicing small rituals on my coffee table until I ended up with a desk top computer back in 2004 and needed a place to put it. I still had all of my acoutrements, but they started to gather dust on their shelf. My candles had dog hair stuck to their wicks. I occasionally read my books at night before bed, but really did nothing with them. My herb garden became a rather small pot out on the front porch, and most of the herbs died due to lack of space. It was becoming fairly sad.

I then met my husband to be, and didn't even mention that I practiced magic. I moved in and sort of hoped that all of my books lined up on the shelf would give him a clue, but nothing was said. Apparently he did notice the books, but he never mentioned them as he thought they were simply for reading purposes. The thing is, I stopped reading them, and they became dusty as well. I hadn't touched a ritual candle since 2004, and even then it was for simple candle spell. I even started to forget to observe the Sabbats in any way at all, other than to give them a brief thought and go about my day.

I did practice exactly one time in the past year. I did a healing ritual with two other witches via the internet and set up my altar on the dishwasher of all things. I no longer had any incense, and I used a kitchen knife as an athame. All of my things had been packed away when I moved in with Rich, and I had to make due with what was in the kitchen. I managed to dig up a white emergency candle and some oils to make it "magical," but I could only find a teething biscuit to make an offering. I also used water instead of beer because there was none in the house. It was a pitiful little ritual, but I hoped that the intent would be good enough. Unfotunately a black beetle walked through my circle while I was in the middle of it, and the group ritual failed. I haven't practiced since.

All I have managed to do has been to find a perfect wand branch for Livvie and cut it down to size for when she's older. I managed to order yet another book from the internet, which will probably never be read. I bought some incense and some ritual candles in case of emergency, and for Christmas of 2006 Rich bought me a Celtic ring to represent Livvie, which is the very first piece of magical jewelry I have ever owned, unless you count my wedding ring. I started a circle shaped herb garden in the back yard but let it get overgrown and nasty, as we're in the middle of a drought and I have no time to tend it. I've made small efforts, and I know they're not good enough.

The holiday of the Spring Equinox is coming up soon, and I really would like to observe it, but I probably won't. I'll more than likely simply think, "Huh. It's spring finally," and go about my day.

So I am a Bad Witch. I'd like to be a better one, but it seems as if I'm incapable these days. That's pretty sad to me.