It's about Time

I talked about Clancy.

On January 3rd or thereabouts of 1991 I went into the shelter and was helping a friend adopt a cat we had brought in as a stray. A man brought in a huge blue carrier full of cats and kittens, and when I commented on it the staff member told me that he did this often, he was a habitual surrenderer, and that all of his cats were outside in dirt pens. I saw a tiny orange butt pressed against the back grate of the carrier, and I asked if there was an orange kitten inside. The staff member got him out, and Clancy walked into my life.

I adopted Clancy that day, and he was my companion, my soul mate through my entire adult life (I was 19 when I took him home). He was indoors only (although when he became ill and didn't move fast he sat with me on the gated deck when it was pleasant out…) He talked my head off, was demanding, was in charge of the entire menagerie in the house, and had the best strut in the world. In 2003 he was diagnosed diabetic, and was on insulin off and on for awhile. He was mostly regulated by diet. In 2005 he was diagnosed with polycystic kidney disease, and in June they said he had months, not years, left to live.

On February 2nd of 2006 he died in my arms. The vet helped him cross the bridge, and it was one of the most special moments of my life. He was an amazing cat, and it was an honor to be with him when he left this world.

He was that ONE special cat for me, although I love all of them, he was the boy that tore my heart in two when he went, and the hole he left will never be filled.

So on February 2nd I had a Very Bad Day. I've also been having Very Bad Days since, remembering him, missing him, certain I can see him out of the corner of my eye. Every February will be difficult for me, and I know that.

I miss him desperately.

Into The West

Lay down, 

your sweet and weary head.

Night is falling. 

You have come to journey’s end.

Sleep now,and dream 

of the ones who came before.

They are calling, 

from across a distant shore.

Why do you weep? 

What are these tears upon your face?

Soon you will see.

All of your fears will pass away.

Safe in my arms, 

you’re only sleeping.

What can you see,

on the horizon?

Why do the white gulls call?

Across the sea,

a pale moon rises.

The ships have come,

to carry you home.

And all will turn, 

to silver glass.

A light on the water.

All souls pass.

Hope fades,

Into the world of night.

Through shadows falling,

Out of memory and time.

Don’t say, 

We have come now to the end.

White shores are calling.

You and I will meet again.

And you’ll be here in my arms,

Just sleeping.

What can you see,

on the horizon?

Why do the white gulls call?

Across the sea,

a pale moon rises.

The ships have come,

to carry you home.

And all will turn, 

to silver glass.

A light on the water.

Grey ships pass

Into the West.