Wondrous Fizzy

After going into the house to open my bottle of pop, I walk outside onto the front porch and I settle down for the reward of my labors. RC Cola and a Moon Pie, followed by a grape jaw breaker for desert.

-NRBQ

I had my first RC Cola sometime as a kid. Now, I'm a Coke girl, and I always have been. But there's something special about RC. It was usually purchased by me on impulse, as a tasty treat. As I grew up, RC Cola grew harder and harder to find in NJ, until I could never find it at all.

After I moved down here to NC 13 years ago, I again encountered RC. No one has it in their fountain, but occasionally I would find it in a convenience store. If I happened to see it I would buy one. And then once again, the RC sightings started to peter out.

Four years ago I moved into this house with Rich, and I started shopping at a nearby grocery store called Food Lion. One day I happened to be in the soft drink aisle, and down by the cases of Tab (yes, Tab) I saw cases of RC. They were on sale. I literally squealed. I grabbed a case.

I began purchasing RC at every grocery trip. Until one day there was none left. I had bought it all. And it wasn't being restocked. That was 2 years ago.

Two weeks ago Rich and I turned down the soft drink aisle and I glanced to the left. I saw a splash of red, white, and blue. I did a double take. Yep. There it was. It was back. I squealed again, and threw a case in the cart.

Now, what you have to understand is that as I am pregnant I am supposed to be restricting caffeine. What you also have to understand is that at this point I don't give a fuck. I have no idea how long they're going to carry it. Maybe forever. Maybe 3 weeks. 

So I'm having me some freaking RC.

At least Batman

is having a holly jolly Christmas...

Merry Christmas everyone!!!!

Tis the Season

<----- This is Eddie. Eddie is the mascot for the band Iron Maiden, who enjoyed their heyday in the 1980s when I was *ahem* in high school.

Anyway, back in the day I was a fairly huge metal head. I even had an Iron Maiden back patch for my jean jacket. Remember that look? I also had Jon Bon Jovi's hair. I was bitchin'.

So I've been carting my albums around for decades. I think I've listened to 3 vinyl records since I got my first CD player, but I've still been lugging the albums around the East coast. I have quite the collection of vinyl, mostly due to the fact that I worked in record stores for several years after getting out of high school.

Today I was reading my Freecycle emails and I came across this:

[WFC] Wanted - Black Sabbath, Dio, Iron Maiden Records (LP)

Hi,

I am hoping to find a copy of one of these bands' records. My teenage
son loves these older metal bands and I thought it would be fun to give
him one of these on LP. Even if I could just find the album cover, not
necessarily with the record, I could frame it and give to him for his
wall.

If you have a record by any of these bands you would be willing to part
with I can pick up within maybe 20 miles of Cary/Apex.

Thanks for your consideration! Merry Christmas

So I decided I could part with some Maiden. I went into the closet and I flipped through until I pulled out Powerslave and Somewhere in Time. Oddly, even though one of my cats used the spines of my vinyl to sharpen his claws one day, these two are in pristine condition. They look like they were just unwrapped.

I emailed the lady back and she's so excited she's about to plotz. So next week some kid is going to open these up on Christmas morning. I hope he likes them. It feels good to pass them on.

It's over

"For 27 years, we have been asking ourselves, 'Who would take a 6-year-old boy and murder him and decapitate him? Who? ' " Walsh said. "We needed to know. Today we know. The not knowing has been a torture but now that journey is over. It is only fitting that it ends here at this police department. "

When I was a little girl a little boy disappeared in Florida. My dad the cop used it as a teaching lesson and stressed that I should never wander off in public. Since Adam, the little boy, had disappeared from two aisles away from his mom in a Sears department store I didn't argue.

A little while later I saw on the news that they had found Adam's head. And only his head. The rest of his body was never found. I never wandered off from my mother again, and one day I stopped to look at something in a store, and she got several aisles ahead of me. I ran after her and SCREAMED at her in the store to never ever do that again. 

When I was a bigger kid Adam's dad started a TV show called America's Most Wanted. I thought it was a great idea, and then one day it got canceled. The government stepped in and strongly encouraged the network to reinstate the show. They wisely chose to do so. Although I have never recognized anyone on the show, it makes me feel better to know how many asshats have been captured thanks to someone calling in. Again, great idea.

All these years I have hoped that Adam would have justice one day. All these years I have looked up to his parents for what they have done with their grief. The choices they made after the ultimate horror are so inspirational. They're amazing people.

Adam finally has justice.

Burn in hell, Ottis Toole.

Rest in peace, Adam Walsh.

Blessings to the family.

Grab a Hanky

If you have 10 minutes to spare, take a gander at this.

How Livvie and I Have Been Spending...

The last couple of days...

Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack

All dressed in black, black, black

With silver buttons, buttons, buttons

All down her back, back, back.

She asked her mother, mother, mother

For 50 cents, cents, cents

To see the elephants, elephants, elephants

Jump over the fence, fence, fence.

They jumped so high, high, high

They reached the sky, sky, sky

And they didn't come back, back, back

'Til the 4th of July, ly, ly!

I Needed This Today

It's A...

Boy. :)

Say hello to Jonas Michael. 

Thanks for playing!

I Just Might Have to Agree With This

Happy Thanksgiving

You Have a Little Over a Week

To decide if I'm having a girl or a boy.

The big Level II ultrasound is on December 4th. That's when they make sure all limbs and digits are accounted for etc, and they also can usually tell what sex the baby is. Assuming the baby cooperates. Livvie had no shame during that ultrasound, and it was quite obvious that she was a girl. Hopefully this one will be as compliant.

I'm putting money on a boy. For real. If I'm having a girl I am going to make a small donation to the local animal shelter. 

If you'd like to participate in the "wager" that would rock. Simple rules. Guess the sex. If you're wrong, make a small holiday donation to the charity of your choice.

Have a great day folks!

Yick

I apparently have something called Pregnancy Gingivitis. 

My toothbrush is permanently stained pink. How disgusting is that?

I can't brush my teeth without spitting out entire oceans of bright red blood. 

Yeah, apparently ALL membranes and capillaries swell during pregnancy, so this is quite common.

I also can't blow my nose without turning the tissue red.

Apparently people with Pregnancy Gingivitis are urged to see their dentist for at least 2 cleanings during the pregnancy. Um, fuck no. I can't even have my teeth cleaned without drugs.

This happened with Livvie too, and it cleared up pretty quickly after she was born, so I think I'll take my chances, thank you.

Everyone have a great weekend!

I am the Grossest Person in the Universe

So today was Clean Out The Fridge Day. I did a recon last night by opening the door and peering in and I didn't think it would be too bad. Maybe 7 containers that needed to be dumped and run through the dishwasher. Manageable.

This afternoon I dove in. I grabbed the containers I had seen last night, dumped them into the trash, rinsed them, and stuck them in the dishwasher. That's when I noticed something at the very back of the fridge.

WAYYYYYYYY at the back of the fridge.

It looked like a saucer covered with foil. 

That's when my memory hit me like a Mack truck and I became very afraid. 

I reached back and grabbed it. I took it over to the trash can. Seeing as we don't have the funds to be throwing out saucers I knew I had to actually deal with what was inside the foil instead of throwing out the entire thing. 

I carefully peeled back the foil to reveal what I had expected. Yep. A log of cranberry sauce. A ONE YEAR OLD log of cranberry sauce. It was in fact leftover from last Thanksgiving.

Amazingly, it didn't smell, and it didn't look that bad. It had a light dusting of mold on it, but nothing gag inducing. It went into the garbage. The saucer got rinsed and put into the dishwasher.

So there you have my confession for the week. 

Have a great Monday.

It Never Ends

So the lady from the state came out again today to go over the financial paperwork with me for speech therapy. On the phone she had said we'd either pay 25% or 0%. Not so much. Now she's saying 40%. That's $30 a week.

We don't HAVE $30 a week.

I told them I'd discuss things with Rich and get back to them.

It's not looking good though.

Oh, and that's only a possibility. She THINKS it'll be 40%. It might be 60%.

Totally uncool. I don't understand why she told me one thing on the phone and then totally took it back in person. 

I'm really upset about this.

In other news, Livvie has discovered the spice shelf in the pantry and now brings me containers when I'm cooking. This is ok. She brought me the Montreal Steak Seasoning the other day. Last night when I was making a pumpkin cake she brought me the oregano. It's cool. However, yesterday she got out the jar of curry and realized something I had not. It's a flip top. I walked into the kitchen to find her dumping yellow powder on the floor and smearing it around with her hands. Awesome.

After the lady left today Livvie went back into the pantry and brought out the jar of marjoram. I was on the phone with my mom, so I was only half paying attention as she proceeded to unscrew the lid and dump the marjoram all over the floor. Got out the vacuum for the second time today. Again, awesome.

She's really digging the laundry lately, and she'll grab armfuls of clothes out of the hamper and pile them on the recliner like I do with the clean laundry. Yesterday I was folding laundry, and she got my underwear and folded them and put them on the sofa on my pile. That's cool. I turned around to get another item, and when I turned back to face her I discovered that she had now stuck her head through the leg holes of my underwear and was wearing them as necklaces. Okee dokee.

It's been an interesting week so far.

UPDATE: The lady called a little while ago. Apprently when she was here today she did the math wrong. It WILL be 20%, or $15 a week for Livvie's therapy.

So we're going to do that and do the free developmental therapy simply because it's free and it's offered. I'm so relieved.

If You Read a Book Enough...

You memorize the pages. 

<----- See this book? It's one of Livvie's favorites. It's one of mine too. It's short, and cute, and stars a rodent. I love rodents.

Livvie also has a book by the same author called If You Take a Mouse to School. 

<----- This picture? Also in If You Take a Mouse to School. 

So today Livvie was "reading" If You Take, and she flipped the page to the picture. She looked at it for a moment, and then turned around and found Time For School, Mouse. She carried the book over to the sofa and held it up next to the picture on the page.

They matched! How cool!

Know what's really cool? I was just typing this post and Livvie saw the picture in it and went and got the book for me. Which I was then obliged to read.

She might not talk, but she's no dummy.

Ok, I've had it

Santa arrived at our malls yesterday.

They reported it on the news and I threw my pillow at the TV.

Insane.

On the Monday after Halloween Livvie and I went to Target and the employees were putting the Christmas trees up and there was Christmas music playing overhead.

Can someone explain to me why the Christmas season is no longer a season? It's now an epoch.

I just don't get it.

Fauna

This morning I went to take Emma out to pee. I opened the kitchen door and a giant wolf spider said, 'Thanks!" and crossed the threshold and scurried across the kitchen floor and ended up God knows where in my house. My dog Ginny watched said spider scurry across the room and did NOTHING. 

Useless dog.

With the cold weather the bugs have moved in. We had been ant free for months, but recently we have been finding ants running around on the kitchen counter. Ant baits were procured, and they seem to be working as I have only seen one ant in 24 hours. Ants are ok when they're outside, but they are NOT allowed in my kitchen. Ever.

Remember my post about the giant outdoor flying roach that invaded my kitchen? Well, they've been coming inside as well. I saw the first one about a week ago when I walked out of the bedroom one night to go pee and saw one crawling around on the floor in the hallway. I went into the office and got Rich and made him take care of the situation. A few days after that I went into the kitchen one morning and found one on its back futilely kicking its legs to turn back over. Got Rich. 2 days ago the same thing happened, found an upside down one in the kitchen, but this one was already dead. Didn't care. Got Rich.

I don't do bugs.

I really hope the weather will level off soon and the bugs will stop coming indoors. 

At least the mosquitos are gone.

Stunned

Does anyone else feel like this <----- today? I sure do. I woke up this morning convinced I had been dreaming and only believed when I turned on the news and had confirmation.

On January 20th we will finally see change.

Yesterday I voted Obama and then straight party Democrat for the rest of the partisan elections in NC. As far as I can tell, everyone I voted for won. I haven't checked the judges in the non-partisan results yet. What I can tell you is that despite my original leeriness, I voted for Bev Perdue for governor yesterday. NC now has its first female governor. I voted also for Kay Hagan to get Elizabeth Dole out of office, and she won as well. It was a very surprising day.

Last night I watched Jesse Jackson sob with happiness. I cried too. I never in my life believed. Now I do.

I am so proud of my country. not for voting Democrat, but for voting at all. Every election I've been a part of has been rife with apathy and dejectedness. It was like everyone had simply given up. I hated to see that. When I was 18 and in high school they came into school to register kids to vote. I was so excited I almost plotzed. I couldn't WAIT to vote. I always wished everyone else felt that way.

I have assigned Rich the task of finding a newspaper on his way home so I can save it for Livvie. Yesterday I received the Obama '08 button I had ordered a few months ago. Both things will be put away for her for when she's older and can appreciate them. I hope she does.

In tears

Happy tears. The first president my kids will remember is a black man. I never thought I'd live to see this day. 

What an amazing day. I couldn't be happier. 

One Word Day

I'm Jealous

This is what Santa is bringing for Christmas.

Yes, it has Disney princesses on it, but by golly it's a PURPLE TRICYCLE WITH STREAMERS. 

I would have been over the freaking moon for this bike as a tot. My tricycle was a very odd shade of green. Maybe the same color as the inside of a lime? Anyway, it was seriously ugly, but it worked so I never complained.

We're not going to wrap it. We're going to assemble it and set it up in front of the tree with a bow on it. The seat and handlebars are adjustable so the bike should fit Livvie just fine. 

As far as the princesses are concerned, well, I really don't think I can fight it. It will happen soon enough, and this bike should be good for a few years so we might as well get started. I'm also buying Livvie a feather boa, because she pulls dirty shirts out of the hamper and drapes them around her shoulders, dragging them behind her. 

I'm fairly certain that this new baby is a boy. I don't know why I feel that way but I do. Then, I was the only person last time who was certain that Livvie was a girl so maybe I'm right. Anyway, I was talking to Rich about it the other day and I told him we can go ahead and move all of the comic book stuff into the new baby's room and "girl" Livvie's room up a bit. I thought fairies would be a cool way to go, but a thorough search online has alerted me that fairy bedroom decor costs an arm and a leg, unless you go with Tinkerbell. And I can't stand Tinkerbell.

So I guess we'll start small with a little purple bike. It'll be quite awhile before the new baby actually moves into a bedroom anyway. Until then Livvie can sleep surrounded by super heroes. Not such a bad thing...

Happy New Year

Or Happy Samhain. Tonight is New Year's Eve for me, and that means that tomorrow I get a fresh start.

We really have no plans today. I do have to go to the store and get ant baits, but that's about it. I guess I could put Livvie's sea turtle jacket on her to run to the store. We're not doing a costume this year since she doesn't eat candy yet and there's no point to going trick or treating.

We're also going to draw, read, and count again today. She's really digging counting. 

Just in time for Halloween a ghost has moved into the house. Maybe like bugs they're driven inside by cold weather. Who knows. All I know is that I'm having light switch issues. The other day I shut off the kitchen light and turned around to do something. When I turned back around the light was flipped back on. It happened 2 more times that day. Last night there was a bunch of noises coming from the kitchen while Rich and I were in the living room. Both dogs were out cold so it wasn't them. I have no idea what's going on, but it doesn't seem sinister so I don't really care.

It is ass biting cold here this morning. When I got up it was 32. It's supposed to go up to 68 today, and I hope that happens sooner rather than later. We're not leaving the house until it warms up at least a little bit.

Ok, Livvie is sad for some reason so I need to entertain her and make her smile again. Have a great Halloween everyone.

It's About Time

ROCK ON!!!!!

Okee dokee

The lady from the state called today and said that based on Rich's estimated salary we would be in the 20% scale, meaning each therapy visit would be $15. However, she said that factoring in our medical expenses might knock it down to 0%. She's coming out on the 12th of November to go over the financials with me.

Four people were in our house on Monday. I have no idea what the 4th one was. I do know that they were excellent with Livvie and she had a blast with them. They were here for almost 3 hours. They played the whole time.

However, it was based on a standardized test. The only part of the test that Livvie passed was the gross motor skills section. She failed all of speech and fine motor skills. I expected speech, but the fine motor skills was a surprise, given that one day she unscrewed the table legs from the kitchen table, and on Monday morning she unhooked herself from the double locked safety belt in the shopping cart at the grocery store. The things they asked her to do were to put pennies in a bank, which she wouldn't do, kick a ball, which she doesn't know how to do, color, which she doesn't LIKE to do, and sort shapes, which she had already done by putting a puzzle together and she was over the whole shape thing.

So she qualifies for developmental therapy and also speech therapy. I declined the developmental therapy because as far as I'm concerned she doesn't need it. I solved the coloring issue today by attaching a piece of paper to her easel and putting it on the sofa at head level. She made two drawings after I did that. She also adores the chalk board side of it, and will draw with chalk all day if you let her. So whatever. We'll work on ball kicking.

I guess we'll see how much speech therapy helps. I've heard a mixed bag about it. 

Have a great Wednesday!

We'll see

Tomorrow at 130 some people from the State are coming to the house to evaluate Livvie since she doesn't talk yet. They're sending a psychologist, a speech therapist, and a woman to oversee them.

I really hope that they determine that she qualifies for speech therapy. I also really hope that they won't ask us to pay too much for it if they do. I called the state because we can't afford private speech therapy. Apparently the therapy through the state is based on a sliding scale that takes your salary and other factors into account. They might think Rich makes too much money and charge us the full amount.

The woman who is overseeing came out last week to do some pre-evaluation paperwork and after watching Livvie for awhile and asking me some questions she decided that Livvie might have what's called Sensory Processing Disorder. She determined this because Livvie doesn't cry when she hurts herself, prefers rough play to anything else, loves hard hugs, doesn't stop moving, and likes spicy food. According to the "experts," these things can indicate that Livvie isn't getting as much physicality as she craves. I read a book about it. And while Livvie is described in there, I really think she's basically just a tough kid who we haven't babied from the get go. If they try to talk me into occupational therapy for her based on her limited set of "symptoms" I'll tell them where they can stick it.

We bought Livvie some speech therapy DVDs and she really has no interest in them at all. I can't say that I blame her. They're boring as all get out. A good thing is that Livvie's new most favorite thing is being read to. She currently has 8 favorite books that we read over and over every day. She turns the pages for me while I read. She also pretends to read, and she taps the pages like I do when I tap each word. We read each book several times a day, and when I ask her to get one for me by title she goes and gets it. I love that.

I also love when she pretends to help me fold laundry. 

Well, I'm off to watch the end of Corpse Bride. Hope everyone is well.

Well I was right

I was carrying twins. I had my ultrasound this morning and as the doctor was about to insert the wand I told him that he had to tell me there was only one in there. He inserted the wand and said, "Well, I can't do that."

I saw two sacs. I saw two babies.

Then the doctor said he was concerned.

Apparently one was much smaller than the other and he couldn't detect a heart beat. He told me he wanted the tech to do a more involved scan and had me sit in a waiting area for awhile for her time to free up.

I went in with her and got scanned again. Apparently one of them, the one she labeled Baby B, died 2 weeks ago at 8 weeks gestational age. This is where my cramping and abdominal pain has been coming from.

The remaining twin seems to be healthy. The heart rate was 159 and it was moving around quite a bit.

So apparently now I just wait. I'll either reabsorb the dead fetus or I'll pass it. There's no way to know which will happen or when.

I really have no idea how to feel about this. On the one hand I feel a crushing depression that this happened. On the other hand I felt a small amount of relief because we can neither afford nor have room for twins.

My head is going to be really fucked up for awhile.

One more reason to be pissed

Two weeks ago on September 30th I had my first appointment at the doctor's office for this pregnancy. I filled out paperwork, peed in a cup, and had blood drawn.

I have felt like shit so far this entire pregnancy. I'm in pain, I'm nauseous, I'm dizzy, and I generally just want to die. I'm not enjoying this at all. I don't have a "glow." I have chin zits that are taking over my face. 

I woke up this morning and felt terrible. More so than of late. I was super dizzy and had some pretty sharp abdominal pains. I also took my phenergan to keep the nausea down, because I figured why compound matters? After a few hours and some googling of my symptoms I decided to call the doctor's office. They put me through to a nurse, who at first informed me that I sounded like I was dehydrated. I informed her that I couldn't be because I'm drinking non stop. She asked me if I had nausea and vomiting and I told her that while I was nauseous I was not in fact vomiting because I had taken my phenergan. She then told me that it was the phenergan that was making me dizzy. She said she'd call in a prescription for Zofran, a different anti-nausea med that they give to chemo patients. I gave her the phone number for the pharmacy and hung up.

A few moments later she called me back. She had some news for me. Turns out she wanted to let me know I'd be getting two prescriptions. She had called in an antibiotic because my lab work from TWO WEEKS AGO came back positive for an e coli infection of the urinary tract. I informed her that I have had no symptoms of a UTI. She told me that can happen, and one might not know until the infection reached the kidneys and caused fever etc.

So my next appointment is tomorrow morning at 910. I am trying to figure out how to control my anger about not being informed that I had a potentially serious infection for TWO WEEKS. The first thing I plan to ask the doctor is why I wasn't informed. The second question for him is, "Can you tell me why I shouldn't find another practice?"

I just can't even believe the incompetence. 

I'm here

I'm just miserable and have no intention of foisting that off on y'all.

Sorry to have worried anyone.

I promise to post again when I feel better.

Have a great Thursday.

Snort

see Sarah Palin pictures

Oh well

My bank failed.

Thank the Gods for the FDIC, is all I can say. Not that I have a whole lot of money in the bank, but the point is, ugh.

Today Citibank purchased Wachovia and that means that I now have a new bank. You know, one shops for banks. I did anyway. I decided on Wachovia purposely. 

I guess that doesn't matter now.

In other news, The Bailout didn't pass, and I'm not certain if that is good or bad. I can tell you that it made me uncomfortable for that much money in taxpayer dollars to be going to this deal. I just don't know what's going on anymore, other than thank the Gods I'm used to having so little already. Thank the Gods I have no stock. 

I just don't know what's going to happen to this country. It sucks.

Safe Journey

I'm finished

I quit smoking on Saturday.

I had my very last cigarette on Friday night, and I have been smoke free ever since. The odd thing is that this time I barely miss it or even want it. I'm not having the nicotine fits that I've had during previous attempts at quitting, so I'm thinking this time will be successful.

I have had bored moments, moments where if I were still smoking I would go outside on the deck and light up just for something to do, but those are far between and easily managed. 

I'm coughing less already. I had been waking myself up coughing all night, and that has stopped now. I am still coughing, but nothing like prior. If I could eat I'm sure food would taste better too.

Speaking of that, I've been far less nauseous since I quit smoking. I'm still barfing in the mornings, but by afternoon I'm feeling better and able to eat a little bit of soup or something. I'm not having the all day nausea that I was having. That's pretty cool. I'd be willing to bet that the sickness was due to poisoning myself and the kid with the smoking. Either way, it's much better now and I couldn't be happier.

Rich is cheating. He's smoking cigars. I don't think that's fair, but whatever. At least he's not inhaling, right? 

So this is it. I'm officially a non smoker. How cool is that?

Soup Is Good Food

And I'm living on it right now.

Y'all might want to buy stock in Campbell's, because it's the only thing that's appealing to me right now. Hopefully this won't last all nine months, but honestly, this is all I can eat. I ordered a won ton soup from King's Wok today and am having that for dinner tonight. Hopefully it'll taste good.

Things aren't going so great this time around. I'm sicker than I have ever been in my life other than a bout with food poisoning, and I can't take feeling this way. I tried Unisom but it didn't help enough to make continuing it worthwhile to me. Also, they no longer have the regular Unisom at Target, and they only have the soft gels which can't be broken in half. They had no store brand.

I'm tired. ALL of the time. Given that the fall TV season just started this is a bit inconvenient, because I'm trying desperately some nights to stay up until 10. I fell asleep last Thursday night before Kitchen Nightmares was over. I did manage to make it through Fringe this week (watch this show). 

I have no energy to do anything around the house. None. I made a casserole the other night and tonight is the third night Rich will have it for dinner (I'm having the aforementioned soup). I just don't have it in me to do anything at all. I did manage to fold laundry and do the dishes yesterday. That was it.

I have more laundry to do tomorrow. How it'll get done I have no idea.

This baby is kicking my ass. I just don't know what to do. I have weeks left of this to contend with, and it's going to suck. 

My first appointment is on the 30th of this month, and I'll report back if they have any useful suggestions. 

Have a great Thursday!

Nada

Zip. Zero. Zilch. The Big Donut Hole.

That's about all I have to offer lately.

I made a promise to myself that this blog wasn't going to become all pregnancy all the time. What else is going on in my life? See above.

Things I can say are:

Livvie's 2nd birthday was Friday. It was just the three of us, and we didn't have cake. She got presents though, and seems to dig them, so all is good there. I can't believe she's 2 already. It's crazy. It seems like just yesterday I was worried about not having socks for her to wear on her way home from the hospital. It occurred to me yesterday that when this next baby is 1 year old Livvie will almost be 4. FOUR. WTF??? Although I'm not much of an infant person, I do sometimes miss when she was portable and didn't talk back. Those were the days. Now I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to wrangle her on election day when I'm trying to fill in my ballot.

That's about it for tonight. I'll try to be more pithy in my next post.

Dagnabit

There have been no naps recently. I'm pretty sure they're done. I will never again enjoy an hour of silence midday, and that's no exaggeration.

So yesterday, due to the no nap thing, I put the kid down at 530. She went right to sleep. HOWEVER, at 621pm she woke up crying enough that I had to go get her and bring her out.

She got a second wind. 

BY 8pm neither Rich nor I could take the noise anymore and I put her back to bed. As of 834 she was still awake, but I didn't care and went to bed. At least she wasn't crying. By 9pm I was asleep, and I would wager I fell asleep before she did.

So I'm pregnant and taking my crazy meds anyway. I have to. If I don't I can't imagine what would happen in this household. I have called my doctor's office FOUR times now to see if my current dosages are safe or not, and I've either not received a call back or not been able to get through at all. How is this OK??? This could be dangerous for crying out loud, and yet the damn doctor doesn't feel the need to call me back? No longer to be known as Headologist #1, she is now to be known as Docfuck. I'm so sick of this. 

How would you handle this when finally reaching Docfuck? Would you call her on it and be somewhat rude? Would you ignore it? My first instinct is to call her on it and let her know how unhappy I am, and I'm not usually one for confrontation. BUT, she's notorious for not returning my calls, and I don't even call that often. Maybe once every three months or so. This is insane.

EDIT: Never mind. I'm going off my meds. I did some research and the instances of birth defects and miscarriages are too high for me to take any chances. I never felt mentally better than the last time I was pregnant, so I'm hoping that'll be the case this time. Wish me luck please. I'm going to need it.

FUCK!

Ok, so there's this story.

I used to work for a large national book store chain, and I was the Merchandizing Manager (sounds grand doesn't it). I had to do all kinds of displays... prior to their selling their souls and bringing in pre-made display work so that every store was a cookie cutter image of every other store...

But I digress.

It was Read a Banned Book Month. I needed to do a window display for Fahrenheit 451.

I bought red and yellow clear tissue paper with which to make flames. I had a pile of books all set and ready to go on the "burn pile." I just needed a thermometer with which to demonstrate the temperature at which books burn.

So I bought a giant length of white PVC pipe, and I turned it into a thermometer. I spray painted the mercury to the 451 degree mark on it with silver paint. I needed a ball for the bottom of the thermometer. What to do?

A balloon. A silver balloon.

I went to party stores and I went to Walmart. No silver balloons anywhere. I was getting quite frustrated when I had a brilliant idea. I got a balloon, blew it up, took it back into the sort room, grabbed my can of silver spray paint, and aimed it at the balloon.

As I pushed the button I thought, "FUCK!" but it was too late. As the paint hit the balloon it instantly degraded the structural integrity of the balloon and it exploded all over my face, into my hair, everywhere. It was even on my eyelids. 

I had paint on me for about a week. 

So you tell me, did you ever have one of those moments when you were in the midst of doing something, just about to dive in with both feet and then think, "FUCK!"? I tend to do that a lot. Sometimes it ends happily, to my surprise, but other times I end up with a silver face and my friends making fun of me for years.

Hanna

On the left is Tropical Storm Hanna, smacking into North Carolina and South Carolina.

Luckily we escaped with no damage at all, and we didn't even lose power. It's been a very rainy morning and afternoon however, and the rain just stopped recently. The last I heard Hanna was now moving through Virginia and on its way up the Atlantic coast.

I'm not too big of a fan of large storms anymore. I was excited to see my first hurricane when I first moved down here, but the first one I saw was a bust. That was Bertha in August of 1996. Twelve years  ago today, on September 6, 1996, Hurricane Fran hit and it was a monster. I even used to have an infrared satellite image of it hanging on my apartment wall just as a reminder of how awful it was.

It struck me as odd that we had such a large, if non-lethal storm move through here today on that anniversary, but I guess stranger things have happened.

Regardless, we are safe and sound, the yard is starting to dry out a bit, and we're going to have to replace a bunch of mulch.

Have a great Saturday folks.

Coming to Terms

I've peed on three sticks now and the result has always been the same, so I'm assuming that I am in fact pregnant. I'm ok with it now. It took a few days to get used to the idea, but once I did I started to care.

This is still going to be tough on us, but I'm pretty sure we'll make it. I guess we have to.

I'm quitting smoking on Monday, and so is Rich. I can't quit unless he does. I have a sneaking suspicion that he'll still smoke at work, however, but what can you do? As long as he doesn't smoke around me I'll be fine.

I miss beer. 

When I was pregnant with Livvie we referred to her as The Manatee because that's what she looked like when she was in her early stages. This one is being referred to as SURPRISE.

That's about it for today. Have a great Friday everyone.

THE STICK IS BLUE!!!!!!

Actually, it's pink, but do you remember that episode of Murphy Brown when she was screaming at Frank when her test came up positive?

Yeah, that was me yesterday.

I burst into tears.

I had no idea what we're going to do. We have very little money and very little space. Those were my primary concerns.

So I've been up since 3am this morning. I couldn't sleep. So many things were rushing through my head that sleep was impossible. These are some of the things that were going through my head:

What if it's twins? I'm old enough now so that's a strong possibility. I don't know what we'd do.

I'm going to be 5 days away from my 38th birthday when this baby is due and Rich will have already turned 45. I just can't believe this is happening.

I guess I have to schedule my first prenatal. That should be in about 4 weeks. I found my old doc, I think I wrote about this, and he's got admittance at an entirely different hospital, so we'll see how that goes.

Rich REALLY doesn't like the name Ronan, so we decided on Brendan Andrew after all. He's not entirely sold on Christine Barbara either, so I'm going to change the middle name and see if that goes over better. Anyone have any good girl names that start with an A? This way the initials for a boy would be BAT and for a girl would be CAT, and it's supposed to be good luck if your child's initials spell a word.

I have supernose. The dog peed on the kitchen rug a few nights ago, and I cleaned it, but sitting here all I can smell is dog piss. I can also smell Livvie's diapers in the trash can as soon as I walk into the kitchen.

I really hope Livvie naps today, but having gone to bed at 545pm I really doubt she will. I wonder to myself how that whole part is going to go. My cousin's daughters were about 17 months apart, and all I can hear in my head is one time on the phone with her she suddenly stopped and hollered, "Erin! Stop kicking your sister in the head!" It made me laugh at the time, but now I wonder if that's what things will be like here.

Livvie will be almost 3 when this kid gets here. Maybe she'll finally be talking. Maybe I'll have been able to potty train her by then. Two kids in diapers is freaking me out. Cost alone is exhorbitant, but what about trying to juggle changing them?

What if Livvie gets jealous because my entire attention isn't focused on her anymore?

What happens if we have to go through colic and reflux again?

What if this kid doesn't sleep either?

WHAT IF IT'S TWINS?????

I've been praying to everyone and everything holy tonight that it's a single baby. I just can't even imagine any other outcome. Well, I can, and the picture ain't pretty. We'd have to move. No two ways about it. Maybe we could get away with 2 more here during the first year, but anything beyond that would be out of the question. And I don't want to move. I love this house. All of my good memories of meeting Rich, getting married, and having Livvie are tied to this house.

Rich doesn't love this house, so I'm sure he wouldn't be overly upset. But I would.

We're both quitting smoking this weekend. I can't quit if Rich doesn't quit so we're both going to do it on his days off so that he won't have to deal with the stress from work. That'll be good. There's diaper money right there.

And man did I want a beer last night. I would have given anything to be able to calm my nerves with a cold one, but that's not going to happen for a long, long time. I did drink some fake beer while I was pregnant with Livvie, so maybe when the urge gets strong enough I can pop open one of those and sit on the deck and relax.

Anyway, that's my story for today. I'm going to sit here today and have a calm nervous breakdown. Hope everyone else has a better day.

Expensive Morning

I spent $150 this morning all before 1030.

I filled the Es-cah-pay with gas, and that was $45 plus change. Got a pack of smokes: $4 and some change. Spent $100 at Target. THAT was fun.

Most of the stuff was for Livvie. I got her 4 long sleeved shirts, another pair of jeans, formula, wrapping paper, bows, a birthday card (her birthday is Sept. 12th) a book and a Frisbee. I also got cat food and pet stain remover. And I KNEW it was going to be $100 before I even got to the register. I hate being right.

I almost got her The Little Mermaid on DVD, but I really can't stand the message it presents that only a man can give you your voice, so I abstained. Also, it's yet another movie showing a jealous, middle aged woman attempting to destroy a young girl's happiness. Does she really need that?

Tomorrow I have to spend another $100. I have to get heartworm prevention for the dogs. Two boxes come to $98. At least they last 6 months.

Livvie is really digging her Frisbee. She's carrying it around everywhere. Best dollar I ever spent I think.

There's a Dirty Jobs marathon on all day today, so that's how I'm going to spend my day. What are your Labor Day plans?

Have a great one.

Our New Car Adventure

Yesterday was AWFUL.

Our car finally came into the dealership and we went to go pick it up, Livvie in tow. We should have begged my best friend to watch her. She was an angel at first, a very ACTIVE and running around kind of angel, but an angel nonetheless. Well, the genius salesman offered to let us take Livvie into the kids' play area, which was basically a closet for 5&6 year olds. We took her back there while we waited, and finally the finance guy came and got me. Rich stayed with Livvie.

The paperwork was fucked up, because they owed us $410 since the car was delivered without a stereo. The salesman had never put in a check request for that, so I had to wait in the office while they went to get that accomplished. When they came back the finance guy tried to talk me into re-financing with their company. Um, no. We went with our credit union on purpose. So I signed a whole bunch of paperwork and then he gave me the 30 day tag and told me to wait for the salesman to put it on. I went to let Rich and Livvie know that it was time to go.

Livvie threw a FIT. She had crayons in her hand and would not let go of them, screaming like a banshee and kicking. In retrospect we should have simply stolen the crayons, but that didn't occur to us at the time. So we pried the crayons out of her hand (this kid is STRONG) and Rich carried her out to the car, kicking and screaming the whole way. I waited for the salesman.

When he came to put the tag on the car we discovered that when the car was made they neglected to put screw holes in for the license plate. Lovely. So while Livvie was still screaming in our car the salesman had to take the new car to the garage and have the plate installed. I went back to our car to wait, and Livvie was a nightmare. I gave her her bottle. No. I gave her a triscuit, NO. So she continued to cry and carry on until finally the salesman brought the new car back and it was truly time to go.

Rich drove the new car home and I followed him in the Es-cah-pay. Livvie was fine. She calmed down, and even ate her triscuit. So we got home and I put her to bed for a nap, because by this time it was 3pm and she was overtired. No Go. She cried for 30 min before I gave up and got her out. I said screw it, and decided to just put her to bed at 6. At 530 she was acting tired, and when I asked her if she wanted to go to bed she put her arms up so that's where I put her. She fell asleep quickly, woke up whining for half a second at 639, and then went right back to sleep again.

So yesterday sucked. I was so stressed out I was shaking by the time we got home, and I had a splitting headache. Thank goodness it all ended early. And now we're the proud (HA!) owners of a cute little Yaris.

Have a great Sunday everyone.

Recap

Of this past week.

1.) Encountered poisonous snake and almost moved it because it was pretty.

2.) Did not in fact get our new car. It's been over a month.

3.) Dealt with Livvie not napping or napping very late in the day.

4.) Yard flooded.

5.) Cat house flooded. Their air conditioner went out. Luckily it went back on when we replaced the extension cord.

6.) Attacked by cicada in own bathroom.

7.) Cleaned litter boxes by dumping them and starting over. That was fun.

8.) Dealt with flies in the shed. Talking about 100 of them. Either something died in the shed or the cats killed something in their house. Lovely.

9.) Emma peed in the kitchen overnight again.

10.) The week ended. Thank God.

Have a great weekend everyone.

What I Need

Every day I need some silence. EVERY DAY. I try to get up in the morning before everyone else does, and on those mornings I succeed I enjoy myself immensely. I sit in the dark with my coffee and my internet, entering drivel into my journal, and relishing the quiet.

On days when Livvie either doesn't nap or naps very late I practically lose my mind. Even if she's being good, it's still an awful lot of noise to take for several hours a day, and I need some time. Some time for me, with no TV, no noise, just blessed silence.

This morning I got up at 635 and Rich got up at 7. I had 25 minutes to myself. Can you imagine if that was the only time you had to yourself all day? This is why it's important that Livvie takes a nap each day. Unfortunately today I'm screwed, because even though she's asleep, Rich is home and so I don't have time to myself. Twenty five minutes today is all I will have.

Granted, at night Rich spends a lot of time in his office dicking around on his computer or working, but it's not the same as being alone. Alone time is necessary to recharge. It truly is. I loved living by myself simply because of this. That's not to say I don't love being married, because I do. But dammit, give me some time.

I'm in luck. Rich is outside now doing something, so for now I have the house to myself. I'm going to enjoy every second of it. Because it will end all too soon.

Have a great Friday. Catch you tomorrow.

Notice it says "Chik'n"

This is what my daughter subsists on. "Chik'n" nuggets. She's a vegetarian, for some reason, and will very rarely touch meat. I don't know why or how this happened, but thank god she'll eat them because they do have soy protein in them. She'll also eat peanut butter, sweet potatoes with carrots, mango, pineapple, and banana-orange.

That's about all she lives on. Oh, I forgot cheerios and triscuits.

I tried to be a vegetarian when I was in my early 20s, 21 or so. My downfall was bacon. Bacon is like life itself, only it smells better.

Both of my roommates were vegetarians, and I did end up eating that diet quite a bit, unless I went out to eat. It wasn't that meat wasn't allowed in the house, I just preferred not to subject them to it. Except one Thanksgiving when I was hosting dinner for my mom, aunt, and dad's mother. I got up early, took the turkey out of the fridge, removed the neck and giblets, stuffed my hand into the cavity, and knocked on one of my roommate's door. She opened the door and I proceeded to dance the turkey around in front of her face. She screamed and slammed the door closed.

There are things I will not eat meat wise. I will not eat veal. I will not eat lobster because they mate for life. Same with duck and goose. I just can't bring myself to eat something that's in a bonded pair.

I do eat deer meat, and I've had buffalo. To my knowledge these animals are sort of loose in their sexual habits, so I don't feel as bad. 

I've considered becoming a pescatarian but there's the whole bacon thing to consider. I don't even eat bacon that often, but the fact that it's there for me is somewhat comforting.

Have a great Thursday!

The Deluge

So the remnants of Tropical Storm Fay started hitting us yesterday. It started out calmly enough, a bit of rain here, stop, a bit of rain there. In the evening we had a bit of a downpour, but it stopped fairly quickly and it went back to simply annoying spitting.

This morning there was no rain at first. The ground was still wet from yesterday, but it was dark and ominous outside. In fact, it was so dark that both Livvie and I slept until 730. Normal for her, unheard of for me.

At about 9am the skies opened up. And when I say that I mean a virtual monsoon started. It was insane. The yard was fine at first; the water was being soaked up by the ground, which is a Good Thing. Fairly quickly though the yard became saturated and our drainage ditch could no longer keep up. The yard started to flood.

Then the gravel driveway began to flood, and when it did it formed a literal river that was rushing toward the backyard. I actually saw water breaking over the gravel like miniature white water areas. Tiny insects could have surfed in it. Rich came and got me to point out the back yard. The river had formed back there too, a foot deep, and Livvie's old baby pool from when she was tiny had floated all of the way to the back of the yard on the currents.

This is supposed to continue all day today and through tomorrow. Our shed will flood. The house that the cats live in will flood and they'll have to go up onto their shelves to get away from the water. God forbid that their litter boxes flood. 

So today will be spent indoors. I was going to take Livvie out to play in the rain, but not in something like this. This is insane.

Have a great Wednesday everyone.

Post #2: JFC

That's right. JFC.

I just sat down on the toilet and a cicada fell off my leg. This time I DID scream. Actually, it was more like a yell. A blood curdling yell if that's possible.

Imagine if you will a grown woman running around the bathroom with her pants halfway down, trying to avoid the flying and flapping insect that was 3 inches long.

Imagine her running out the bathroom door, slamming it shut, pulling up her pants and buttoning them. All the while yelling.

Imagine her grabbing a plastic drinking cup and a Tupperware lid. Creeping back into the bathroom to find the hideous creature on the floor. Slamming the cup down over the creature and then sliding the lid under it.

Now imagine her carrying said cup as gingerly as possible out the kitchen door, extending her arms as far as they would go, and releasing the lid and shaking out the cup while running backwards.

Imagine how her throat hurts now.

More adventures with wildlife...

As I was leaving the house this morning to walk Emma one of these <--- landed on my foot. Be proud of me, for I did not in fact scream. I was so tired that I merely shook him off my foot onto the deck where he remained for about half an hour. Yes, he's disgusting. Yes, cicadas are annoying when they buzz. But I thought I handled myself pretty well given that I HATE BUGS.

By the way, that photo is life sized.

Do you know cicadas? They shed their shells from their baby stage and leave them lying around just about everywhere, usually attached to something. Those shells even have legs. When I was a kid we would find those shells and nefariously attach them to the back of someone else's clothing. It was pretty fucking funny. Of course, I've "grown up" since then, and now I wouldn't even consider picking one of those nasty things up.

This year the cicadas have been a bit quieter than normal, probably due to the fact that the summer has been relatively cool. Usually they're at their loudest when the next day is going to be blazing hot. I'm pretty sure that no one knows why that occurs. Anyway, this one was the first adult one I've seen this year, and for that I'm glad. Usually they end up lying on the deck upside down as they die for some reason.

In other news, we still don't have our car. It was supposed to be delivered on the 12th, got pushed back to the 18th, then to the 21st, and when it didn't arrive then they said it would be 4-5 more days. Well, today is the 5th day, and we haven't heard a thing. Rich is going to call Carfuck today to ask him what's going on. The hold up was that apparently no stereos are installed in Japan, and when the car got to Florida the stereo was on backorder. Rich told Carfuck that we'd take the car without the damn stereo, and that we'd install one ourselves. We managed to find a 2008 Yaris stereo on eBay for $100 including shipping, so we bought that. Rich plans to install it himself. That should be a hoot.

GIven that the car is bare bones without even a rear windshield wiper, I don't think Rich should have to live without a stereo. Apparently that added $399 to the cost of the car, and since we already have the check cut from the bank we're going to need the dealership to refund us the $399. That should be a hoot as well. Rich is going to tell them to cut that check before we even go to pick up the car so we won't have to wait around at the dealership for that to happen. They'd better damn well do it.

Have a great Tuesday everyone. I'm going to try to avoid the local fauna today.

I feel...

Somewhat invincible today.

I woke up this morning in a very good mood, which is rare. It was helped along by the fact that I had about a half hour to myself before Rich and Livvie got up. Sitting in the quiet in the dark is very therapeutic.

So I decided to do what any self respecting invincible person would do. I decided to color my hair.

Well. I chose medium reddish blonde. Now, you have to understand that my hair is dark auburn for real, with some highlights that I've thrown in. My roots were literally 2 inches long though, so they had to go. No biggie. I bought the hair color, brought it home, and applied it to my head.

I watched it in the mirror. I knew that it wasn't going to BE reddish blonde, but I was hoping for a bit of a lightening. Well, yeah. It was starting to lighten alright. It kept getting lighter and lighter until I started to get scared. So I did what else any self respecting invincible person would do. I rinsed it 2 minutes early in a panic.

Wet it looked like a carrot. It truly did. I was starting to freak out, but Rich convinced me to wait until it dried before getting too upset. Normally my hair dries quickly. In fact, it drives the hair dresser nuts because she has to keep spraying it down when she cuts it. This time, not so much. It stayed wet for over an hour. By then I was ready to chew my nails off and go get brown hair dye. 

Once it was dry I was surprised. It's actually not bad. It's a lighter auburn color than I had, the highlights are still there only now they're gold instead of blonde, and I actually look ok.

I AM invincible.

Ab Fab

Yesterday I had an absolutely wonderful experience. I was bringing Ginny back from the backyard, walking through the path on the side of the house, when I noticed this guy <----- about 3 inches from my right ankle.

He didn't strike, and I wasn't even sure if he was alive. I stupidly moved my ankle closer to him to see what would happen and he moved his head a fraction. So I went back into the house and got my camera.

When I got back outside he was in the same position I left him in. He looked remarkably thin, and I would guess he hadn't eaten for some time. I snapped a couple of photos and went to get Rich. When I took Rich out to him Rich insisted he must be dead because he wasn't moving, not even an inch. So I did what any self respecting fan of Steve Irwin would do. I poked him with a stick. He didn't move. I poked him again. Nothing. I poked him a third time, and he stuck his tongue out at me, which in snake probably means "knock it the fuck off."

So we watched his laid back self for a few moments, wondering where he had come from. He looked like no snake we had ever seen before. Well, that's not exactly true. To me he looked like a constrictor, like someone's pet that had escaped and wandered into our yard for some reason. 

So I left him and went inside and looked up snakes of North Carolina photos. He wasn't any of them. This leads me to believe he doesn't belong here at all. I felt like calling someone to come and get him, but who would you call? Animal control out here in the county would simply destroy him. I couldn't take him to the SPCA where I worked, because they only accept animals from the city limits, and besides, Rich wouldn't let me pick him up.

Anyway, a friend of mine decided to name him Vindaloo, which seems like a perfectly acceptable name for a snake. He needed a name anyway, as during the hour I got to know him I considered him my friend.

I WAS worried that he would die overnight, as he didn't seem to want to move at all, and as I said, he didn't appear to have eaten recently. He was quite thin. This morning I went out to see if he was there, and Vindaloo was gone. I'm sorry about that. I was hoping to see him again, because he truly was beautiful. And this time, without Rich around, I would have picked him up, moved him to a less high traffic area, and said goodbye.

Have a great Saturday everyone.

PS... I wouldn't have picked him up with my hands. There was a forked stick nearby. Probably not a good idea anyway given that he's been identified as a copperhead.

Fall is (technically) Coming

I saw the first Monarch Butterfly today. I always rejoice when I see them because it means that summer is drawing to a close. While I love parts of summer: gardening, Livvie playing in the pool... fall is my favorite season.

When I was a kid I waited every year for the smell of mouldering leaves. Every October I would be ecstatic, because Halloween was coming. It wasn't about the candy. It was about the smell in the air and the crispness and the apples about to become a pie.

Since I've moved to NC I've lost a great deal of that. The air here doesn't begin to cool down until about mid-October, and the leaves don't really start falling until then either. Fall here is quick, it lasts about a month, before the wetness and dreariness of winter arrives. It's the only thing I don't like about living here.

In a month or so I will start pruning my plants back and mulching them for the winter. I will start laying in supplies of apples and oatmeal to make apple crisp (I usually don't buy apples out of season). I'll buy more molasses to make spice cookies. I'll be putting out corn for the deer. And for now, I'll be watching for more monarchs to make my day complete.

Hello Officer

I've never once had a speeding ticket in the 20 years that I've been driving. Never. And I've only gotten stopped for speeding twice. The first time I got stopped the officer let me go, telling me to be careful on the twisty roads around the lake. The second time I got stopped I told the officer that I thought the limit was 45. He informed me that it used to be, but they had knocked it down to 25 recently, so he let me go. 

I managed to get stopped for having an expired registration once, and I got out of that one too because I told the officer that I was already paying a $200 fine to get the registration renewed. He didn't want to add to my financial burden, so he let me go.

Now, all of this happened while I was still young. I don't know if things would be any different now that I'm old and have a kid. In fact, I'm pretty damn sure that if I got caught speeding with a kid in the car I'd have a ticket in my face faster than you can blink.

Anyway, the point of all of this is, truly, why are there never cops around when you need one? On our road we have the only passing lane on the entire 13 mile street RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR HOUSE. And pass they do. Quite often someone will be doing the speed limit of 45, and some jackass will zip past them doing 60 or more. It's insane. I just don't understand why 45 isn't fast enough. It's dangerous too. Livvie will never be allowed to play in our front yard because of this. If the cops sat in our driveway for a few days they could make their quota quite easily. And frankly, I want them to.

I am halfway tempted to call up the sheriff's department and ask them to come and sit in our driveway. This shit pisses me off royally. And it isn't just the passers. I'll be sitting waiting to turn into my driveway and someone will come up behind me so fast that I KNOW I'm about to get hit. Luckily I haven't been, but I was in the car one time when BFF got hit trying to make the left into my driveway. That wasn't due to speeding though, and the accident wasn't that bad.

So what would you do? Would you call and have them come sit out here? Or do you think that using our hidden driveway is an unfair "advantage..."

Old Friends

So yesterday I joined Facebook and reconnected with about 6 friends of mine from high school. Including an old boyfriend that I dated for 4 years. It's been awesome. I'm finding out about their lives (ex-BF has 2 kids and is married), and I'm getting to tell them about how boring my life is.

The odd thing to me is that from my class of '89 there are no girls that I was friends with. Granted, most of my girlfriends were in the class of '88, but they're nowhere to be found either. It kind of sucks. I'm talking about Stacey and Barb, 2 of my best friends ever.

Stacey was hysterical. She used to make me laugh so hard I'd get sick to my stomach. Barb used to call me Julie Bully (after Wooly Bully). We used to go to ChiChi's for the dollar drafts and the all you can eat hot wings, and that was an absolute blast. I drank a LOT of beer. Ate a LOT of wings too. Imagine that.

When I left NJ to move down here to NC I lost touch with both of them and I don't know why. I wrote to them a few times but the replies kept getting fewer and farther between. I was heartbroken. I really do miss them so much.

One good thing that came out of all of this is that I reconnected with my friend Dan. Dan also used to make me laugh so hard I would almost barf. He's just as funny as he ever was, and I really need that in my life right now. Things are just so stressful that I need some relief.

Anyway, if you want a trip down memory lane, join Facebook. You probably won't be disappointed.

Too Bad

Well, I had a headologist appointment today at 230, which I canceled yesterday because I have no vehicle. That's right, we still don't have our car. It was due to arrive on the 12th, got pushed back to the 18th, and now is pushed back to the 21st. Rock on.

The suckass part of all of this is that they never intended to let us know. We've had to call them ourselves for any information.

So, the good thing is that the last time I was there she wrote a scrip for me for two of my drugs, which has been sitting in my wallet ever since. Today after Rich gets home I have to drive the scrip up to the pharmacy and then go pick it up tomorrow. I only need one of them currently, so they can keep the other one on file.

Frankly, I'm not too sussed about not going today. Personally, I can't afford it. My visits are now up to $100 for a 15 min appointment, and that just plain sucks. I don't know what I'm going to do about that. I think I'll have to inform her that I can no longer do every 2-3 months, and that we'll have to switch to 6 months. I just don't have the funds.

I'm sure she can write scrips for 6 months. I don't know why she wouldn't be able to. I feel as well like I'm wasting my time there. She asks me how I'm doing, I say fine, and then she hands me a new scrip. 15 min. $100. It's insane.

I AM a tiny bit manic lately, but nothing too bad. It's due to lack of sleep I'm sure, because while I'm sleeping better, I certainly am not sleeping enough. I'm waking up at 5am for good after a night of tossing and turning (and apparently snoring last night. Rich made me wake up and roll over). I have the urge to spend a lot of money, but I'm controlling myself with the help of the 35 mg of Abilify. I had to stop taking the emergency Seroquel because my eyes were bugging out and crossing, and that was the only change in my life. Since I've stopped, they've stopped. So I guess no more Seroquel for me.

I'm so tired lately without having my Coke Zeroes as well. This leads to me going to bed at 830-9 o clock, and while I eventually get to sleep, sometimes I just lie there until 10. Yesterday I drank a cup of coffee at 2pm, which was a bad idea, because I think I was up until 11 last night. This isn't good for me at all.

I'm supposed to be on 300 mg of Lamictal, but I only take 200 mg in order to stretch my pills and save money. It seems to work, there hasn't even been any low level depression, so I don't know why she upped me to 300 in the first place.

I AM taking clonazepam every night in order to get to sleep, and it works. I just wish it would keep me asleep.

Have I mentioned that being BiPolar sucks? It really does.

Have a great Tuesday everyone.